TOP REASON COUPLES GROW APART:

The average couple can spend as little as one hour total alone per week. The average couple with kids sometimes none. The average two people having an affair spend at least 15 hours per week together. Think about that. Those two people somehow manage to find 15 hours alone in spite of all of their other commitments.

Remember when you and your spouse were first together and you couldn’t get enough of each other. You spent hours talking and laughing, learning about each other, what you cared about, what your dreams were, what your fears were. What most people don’t realize is those things in our lives continue to change over time and if we’re not checking in and spending time alone, we are by definition growing separately and potentially growing apart. One study revealed that 70% of married men have emotionally grown apart from their wife. This happens whenever a man fails to spend time alone every week with his wife.

Professional marriage counselors suggest spending 8 to 15 hours a week alone with each other as a married couple. That may seem impossible, but consider the cost of growing apart. Consider the price of loneliness. The price a couple will pay growing apart from each other is far more than the price to connect 8 to 15 hours together. Don’t say we do not have the time. Everyone has the same amount of time. It’s all about priorities.

All too often couples find themselves in marriage counseling with no major issues to fuss about except that they have just grown apart. If you don’t continue to connect throughout your life, you run the risk of being married to a stranger. And, how can you work on communication, how can you work on affection or money issues if you never have the opportunity through one to one connection with each other. Unless you have time alone to talk to each other, be affectionate with one other and enjoy each other, marriage can be difficult in a variety of ways. The relationship between the couples is the foundation of the marriage and family. If married couples don’t have a relationship, everything else suffers. There’s no way to have a relationship without spending time together alone.

EMOTIONAL CONNECTION IN MARRIAGE

Marriage is a partnership that takes teamwork. Some men fail in their partnership because they don't make an emotional connection with their wives. Veronica, who attended one of my “Marriage On The Rock Seminar, writes, "My husband does nothing to help me around the house. I am just plain tired. I do all the laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, everything after working all day ... oh, we'll stay married, but I just know we could be happier."

Did you know that when you participate in family life by sharing in some of the daily duties, you connect with your wife on an emotional level? Men spell romance s-e-x, but women spell romance r-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-s-h-i-p. Working together around the house or in the yard is a great way to communicate your love for your wife. 

Another way to connect emotionally is to compliment your wife. Proverbs offers this pointer: "Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones" (16:24). How often do you praise your wife for what she does? Consider a few of these compliments to brighten her day: 

• "Dinner was great! Thank you for always making creative meals, even when you're tired of cooking."
• "I love the way you read books to our kids. That's so much better for them than watching TV."
• "I'm grateful that you carefully budget our paycheck each month."
• "I admire the way you handled yourself with that rude salesman—you have such a winsome approach."
• "The flowers you planted make our home so much more inviting. I appreciate your hard work." 

As you work to make an emotional connection with your words and actions, go below the surface to the real issues of life. How? Start to talk with her. For some, this involves a conscious choice. Share with her, for example, what goes on at work—what you're doing well, where you're struggling, the people you're working with, the people you encounter. Most women love hearing all of the details. You'll also discover that she can provide wise counsel on different issues you're facing. 

Finally ask your wife questions about what she is feeling, and then listen to her.