THE BATTLE FOR HAPPINESS IN MARRIAGE:

Eccl 9:9 “Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil”. 

You can change how you feel about any person by changing how you think about that person. This is one of the greatest discoveries married couples can learn. Long before love grows cold in the heart, the mind developed an adverse thought life. It is impossible to love with all your heart that which you fail to loves with your entire mind. As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. The battle for happiness in marriage is won or lost in the mind. No marriage is greater than the thoughts concerning the marriage. Within the thought life is where the boundaries are made as to how great life is.

The battle of the mind is greater within the person who has never learned to think on purpose with purpose. It is easy to educate the mind, but much more difficult to direct the thoughts of the mind with purpose. Learning to control and navigate the thoughts of the mind requires deliberate effort to think affirmative and constructive thoughts despite negative emotions and circumstances. When we speak of thinking with purpose we mean thinking deliberate helpful and wholesome thoughts on purpose as a means to build and defend your marriage.

Behind unresolved conflict in any relationship is uncontrolled thinking. It is not what is happening around you that are destructive; rather it is what is happening within your mind that creates destruction or resolution. 

One of the best ways to control your thoughts and think with purpose is to get understanding and knowledge. Understanding your spouse can empower you to control and think with a purpose that defends, honors and supports. The more knowledge and understanding one has about their spouse and their personality the more empowered the mind will be to think healthy and helpful thoughts. Learning to celebrate, make love and cherish your spouse in your thought life can be the greatest force within your marriage.

LOVING YOUR SPOUSE WITHOUT CHANGING THEM
As we’ve all heard, many people get married and think they’ll eventually change their spouse and make them what they wish they could be. Anyone with such notions in mind will undoubtedly be sorely disappointed. The fact is love toward your spouse needs to be unconditional. Whether they change or not shouldn’t come into the picture. 

How do we go about loving someone whose habits or personalities sometimes clash with our own? First rule of thumb is acceptance. Accepting someone means loving them with the good and the bad. After all, we want to be accepted without someone trying to change us, right?

Secondly, it’s important to remember that they are who they are and even with their bad habits, they are still special. We need to focus on what makes them special, not on what annoys us.

Thirdly, try to communicate your desire to change things in yourself and get input from your spouse on things they wish you’d change. By willingly volunteering your desire to change, they will be more open to changing, too.

Another important part of the equation is setting the example. Just like volunteering to get input from your mate about things you can change, also setting an example around the house of how you wish things would be changed is good. Sometimes such habits motivate our partners to change. 

It’s also good to reach compromises with your spouse in relation to how things are handled around the house. Asking politely and courteously for them to help you do something can make a difference. Demanding tones, a bad attitude, yelling and complaining will all be de-motivators. No one wants to be treated like a child and insulted or attacked verbally.

True and lasting change in a relationship can, and does, occur in an environment of love and acceptance.