Proverbs chapter 4 verse 23 reads, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” As your heart is so is your life and your marriage. All too often, this principle given to us by our Creator is neglected or overlooked when it comes to growing a beautiful marriage. Many couples who find themselves struggling in marriage, has made the mistake of trying to fix the plant as they fail to understand that the plant is only the product of the soil or heart. Attempting to heal a sickly plant while neglecting the soil is fruitless not to mention frustrating.
One reason why healing a troubled marriage is often difficult is that couples attempt to change outward behavior while neglecting to change the heart that is responsible for the behavior. All of your behavior – good or ugly – comes out of your heart.
As your heart is, so will be your marriage. It was Jesus Christ who said, “Out of the abundance of the heart come all kinds of activities and behavior.” (Luke 6:45). So how do you guard your heart?
The doors into your heart include your eyes and your ears. Therefore, guarding your heart requires guarding what you see and how you hear.
Just as a man can put poison or fertilizer into the soil of his physical garden, so a man can put poison or fertilizer into his heart. This process is done through what he allows his eyes to see and what he allows his ears to hear. Neither poison nor fertilizer can enter into a man’s heart without his permission.
You and I live in an age flooded with information, entertainment and influence. If the right information, godly advice and healthy influence are not before our eyes and entering our ears, our hearts will fail to produce a strong marriage. Your heart is as soil. It cannot produce healthy relationships without the necessary nutrients being put into your heart.
It does not matter that you and I may not be actually putting poison into the soil of our hearts. If we are not purposefully feeding our hearts the right nutrients, our hearts will be unable to produce desired fruit.
The books you read…the movies you watch…the friends you allow into your life…all either poison your heart or supply proper nutrients to your heart. Couples that are not proactive in guarding their hearts cannot expect above average results in marriage. As a whole, our society does not build strong marriages. Therefore, if you and I are not active in setting our eyes upon books and materials that build marriages, we will not be getting such nutrients any other way. If you and I are not active in hearing sound advice for strong marriages, we will not be hearing it any other way.
Your marriage is the result of how your heart is being feed. If you desire a better marriage, build a better heart. All your behavior and all your words come from your heart. Whatever your behavior is towards your spouse, your behavior is simply revealing the condition of your heart.
Because your spouse fell in love with you through your behavior, words and attitudes you displayed towards them, restoring your behavior, words and attitudes will indeed give your spouse opportunity to walk in love with you again and again. So key number two is, begin on purpose to treat your spouse as a King or Queen. Give him or her reason to walk in love with you all over again. Remember, until you change YOU, your road to restoration is a “Dead End” street.
Make it your daily goal that nobody…I mean nobody…has any chance of making your spouse FEEL more loved, cherished, valuable and beautiful as YOU do! With passion and determination, strive to compliment your spouse more than any other person could in any given day. Be creative in this. Do not just use words. Show your spouse how valuable he or she is to you. Remember, your actions do speak louder than your words.
Don’t expect your spouse to necessarily respond to your change immediately. You may need to prove your sincerity and genuineness. Don’t be surprised even if your spouse rejects your attempt to change. Remember…please do not forget this…people do not fall in love with a SINGLE act of kindness but rather the DAILY behavior of kindness.
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