CLIMBING THE LADDER TO SEXUAL CLIMAX:

During sexual intercourse, do both of you climax at the same time or its only the husband satisfying himself and leaving his wife unsatisfied? Paul tells Christian married couples to “stop depriving one another” of satisfying sex (1 Cor. 7:5). Moreover, the Song of Solomon will make most people blush. Solomon tells his lover, “Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit” Song 7:7. Then he writes, “I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of its branches. Let now your breasts be like clusters of the vine, The fragrance of your breath like apples, 9 And the roof of your mouth like the best wine". Song 7:8-9 The wife responded, "The wine goes down smoothly for my beloved, Moving gently the lips of sleepers". 

Solomon depicts the woman’s stature as a “Palm Tree with Clusters of Fruit”. How do you climb a Palm Tree. Climbing a palm tree is relatively simple when you know what to do. It takes skill to climb a Palm tree. If you climb too fast, there is tendency you might fall. That means, if a man rush in intercourse, he will release too quickly and then his body becomes weak and he fall asleep, leaving the wife longing for a climax. Therefore, in sexual intercourse, the husband is to spend more time caressing his wife (climbing the palm tree) and keep going until he reaches the climax where he lay hold on her breasts. Her breasts is like clusters of the vine, when pressed, all the sexual juices will come out. And that is the right moment for copulation.

The husband stimulates the wife's clitoris and vulva and the wife strokes the husband's penis. This may be done alternately or simultaneously until both reach orgasm. The wife may enjoy her nipples being kissed, licked or sucked while the husband is fondling her vulva. [Careful, husbands: sometimes less is more. Wives: let him know what feels good to you.]

Solomon said, "Your stature is like a palm tree and your breasts are like its clusters" Song 7:7. She has an admirable body. To look upon the clusters of the palm causes the beholder to want to taste them. This simile of subjective response, then, suggests Solomon's desire to kiss and suck her breasts, but he has to start kissing from her legs, the vulva and to the waist , then finally to the breasts before inserting his penis in her vagina. Here is the description of what happen when couples are on bed, "His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me" Song 2: 6. Wow, while his mouth was busy with sucking her breasts, his hands was going through her entire body and gently touching her clitoris until she reach her climax, then she ask him to enter her juicy vagina. 

To "climb the palm tree" had a special meaning. In the Ancient Near East the artificial fertilization of the female palm tree flowers by the male palm tree flowers has been practiced from earliest times. The male and female flowers are born on separate trees in clusters among the leaves. In order to fertilize the female tree, one must climb the male tree and get some of its flowers. One then ascends the female tree and ties among its flowers a bunch of the pollen-bearing male flowers. Thus, to climb the palm tree is to fertilize it. Solomon 's using some contemporary language of the vineyard to say he intends to make love to his wife right away!

Solomon says he will caress her fruit stalks - her breasts. Now he changes images from palms to grape clusters for breasts, which seems more appropriate. Grapes swell and become increasingly round and elastic as they ripen, similar to the female breasts when sexually aroused. Solomon and his wife enjoy making love all night long (Song 2:17).

PASSIONATE KISSING & FOREPLAY BEFORE INTERCOURSE:

The Song of Solomon opens with kissing. Not a hen-peck upon the cheek, but sensuous open mouthed passionate loins stirring, erection producing kissing.

How many husbands are really covering the entire bodies of their wives with passionate kisses? How many wives do not shy away from kissing their husbands with their mouth until he gets hard erection?

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine" (Song 1:2).

The word that is here translated "mouth" means the inside of the mouth, the area where food is tasted, implying wet, open mouthed, hot and heavy kissing. Elsewhere in the book it says that in their kissing she discovers that "his mouth is most sweet" (Song of Solomon 5:16), and he finds that "the roof of her mouth is like the best wine" (Song of Solomon 7:9). This is “French Kissing” beyond all doubt.

And there is more, much more. The Anchor Bible says it seems likely these "explicit references to kisses ... include imitative oral activities." And The Jerusalem Bible implies not only mouth to mouth kissing, but kissing all over the body: "Your lips cover me with kisses" (Song 1:2). We are talking about all over body kissing, neck, breasts, nipples, stomach, including the sensual joy of oral stimulation of the genitals.

Husbands, when last did you cover her entire body with kisses? Is she please with your kissing skill? Is the kisses of your mouth stimulating and causing her to yearn for intercourse?

Wives, when last did you kiss his mouth, put your tongue in his ears, and cover his genital with your lips? Is your husband please with the way you kiss him? 

We are the architect of our happiness or sorrow on the marital bed. Put shyness away and bring out the king and queen in you.

FOREPLAY, THE MISSING DIMENSION IN THE MARRIAGE BED

What is Foreplay? Foreplay is define as "Mutual sexual fondling prior to sexual intercourse; an act of stimulating your spouse before ejaculation so that both of you will climax at the same time". 

The Bible shows how beautiful it is for a wife to enjoy sex with her husband. Both the wife and her husband are mandated to satisfy each other base on "Mutual Consent". If one partner is not in the mood, it will affect the other partner. 

In Song of Solomon 1: 2-16, the wife says to her husband during foreplay: “Let your lips COVER me with kisses…! How handsome you are, my lover! How you excite me”. And the husband responded with great delight: “My bride, your lips drip honey. You, my bride, are a garden; a garden locked to others. Your garden is filled with… delicious fruits”. Song of Solomon. 4: 11-13

To be honest, how many men (especially African men) are using their LIPS to COVER the entire body of their wives with kisses until their vagina is wet? How many women in Africa drip honey from their lips and their vagina is not DRY but fill with delicious fruits as they respond to the stimulation of their husbands?

These two scriptures reveals that the two lovers where romancing DEEPLY. He cover her with kisses, meaning he kissed her from head to toy. Her entire body was covered with his kisses and she said, "Honey, you excite me". Her garden (vagina) which is locked out to others and reserve only for him was filled with delicious fruits (vaginal fluid) because he spend time fondling her.
The wife's lip also drip honey as she twist her tongue in his mouth, ears and other sensitive part of his body.

It is your duty to individually create a good atmosphere that will enhance your sexual ecstasy. And you can do that through soft murmurs, encouraging noises, sounds of pleasure, approval and sensation, gasping and shivering.
As a responding wife, you must be completely comfortable undressing before your husband. Aim at provoking him deliberately. Look at him in the eyes and slowly remove each of his garments, caressing your skin as you do so. 

Men, there is a right and wrong way of getting ready for intercourse. Take it easy and slowly. Do not rush. Build up your passion before launching into the deep. (NOTE: Expect my new eBook "Biblical Eroticism", coming soon)

IS ANY SEX POSITIONS BESIDE THE MISSIONARY SINFUL?

I am shocked when I hear people say that any sexual position other than missionary is sinful. I am under the impression that what goes on between a married Christian couple in the privacy of their bedroom is between them and their God.

I just think that if God created my wife for my sexual enjoyment and me for hers. Then, we are glorifying God by being faithful to one another, as well as expressing our love whatever sexual position that may be.

What is a missionary position? A position for sexual intercourse; a man and woman lie facing each other with the man on top, woman underneath; so-called because missionaries thought it the proper position for primitive people. 

In my research about the origin of the Missionary Position, I discovered it arose in response to teachings by Christian missionaries, who taught that the position was the only "proper" way to engage in sexual intercourse. In reality, the term probably originated sometime between 1945 and 1965 through a confluence of misunderstandings and misinterpretations of Bible verses.

The name comes from the days of Missionaries travelling the world to spread the word of Christ. The natives in wild and foreign places had sex in all kinds of ways and very openly. They received many lectures from the Missionaries about modesty and covering themselves and chastity. The natives didn't even know what fornication was until the Missionaries told them. The natives became curious about how and if the Missionaries had sex. When they peeked into their huts all they ever saw them doing was the "Missionary" position, hence the name.

This was during the Victorian era when things sexual were much proscribed to young couples. Sex was only for babies and not to be indulged in merely for pleasure. There was only one proper position for sex and anything else was sinful. Certainly no kissing of naughty places was allowed! Young English women were told before their wedding nights to "close your eyes and think of England" when it came time for sex. This meant that this was a horror to be endured to bring future babies into the world and perpetuate the nation. Missionary position was the only position approved and that's how it got the reputation as being not much fun.

So, judge it by yourself. Is it proper to use different sex position or practice only the missionary position?

IS ORAL SEX BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE A SIN?:

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

FOOD THAT HELP MEN TO ENHANCE THEIR ERECTIONS:

As many as one out of three men may be affected by premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction at some point in their lives. Premature ejaculation occurs when a man ejaculates too early or before the woman orgasms. Erectile dysfunction occurs when a man becomes sexually excited, but his penis does not fill with enough blood to cause an erection, or when the man cannot maintain an erection long enough to complete a sexual act. Many times men become embarrassed when they have difficulty producing and maintaining an erection, or when they ejaculate too early because sexual endurance is often seen as a measure of sexual satisfaction and enjoyment. While a regular exercise routine is beneficial for increasing sexual stamina, a healthy diet consisting of blueberries, figs, raw oysters, peanuts, garlic, bananas and chocolate can give you the boost in sexual stamina that you seek.

Blueberries - Blueberries are considered a "super sexual" food for men because they function like Viagra, according to The Singles Cafe. Blueberries are packed with compounds that help relax the blood vessels and improve circulation within the body. In addition, blueberries are loaded with fiber, which helps to push excess cholesterol out of the system before it can be absorbed and deposited into the arteries. Lower cholesterol and increased blood flow results in a surge of blood to the penis during sex, causing firmer and longer erections.

Figs - figs are high in amino acids (the building blocks for all hormones), which can increase sexual stamina. A deficiency in amino acids can cause decreased sexual stamina and/or desire for sexual activity.

Raw Oysters - raw oysters contain a large amount of zinc, which is vital for testosterone, sperm, and semen production. Testosterone production affects sexual desire, vigor and sexual stamina in men. In addition, raw oysters contain dopamine. Dopamine creates a feeling of happiness, which can increase a man's desire to prolong sex. A deficiency in zinc can cause sexual dysfunction, impotency and sexual performance problems in some men.

Peanuts - Peanuts are a rich natural source of the amino acid, L-arginine, which is essential for increasing sexual stamina in men, relaxes the blood vessels in the penis causing more blood flow to the region, and increasing sexual stamina during sex.

Garlic - Garlic contains allicin, a compound that is thought to increase blood flow to the sexual organs. Increased blood flow to the penis causes it to stay erect longer, thereby increasing sexual stamina during sex.

Bananas - bananas can increase sexual stamina by increasing the male's energy level during sex. Bananas contain an enzyme called bromelain, which improves male potency, sexual stamina and increases libido. They are also a good source of B vitamins, which increase the body's energy level during sexual activity.

Chocolate - Chocolate may be beneficial in improving sexual stamina in men because it contains the endurance boosters, phenylethylamine and alkaloid. Phenylethylamine is a chemical that promotes good feelings during sex, while alkaloid's caffeine effect increases energy, thereby improving sexual stamina.

BIBLICAL FACTS ON SEXUAL STIMULATION:

Some people expected the church to be fearful, ignorant, sexually repressed and hypocritical with only one message about sex: don't do it this way, but do it God's Way. And what they refer as 'God's way' is only the "Missionary Style" - man on top of woman during sex". Any other style or act of stimulation is regarded as "Perversion". But a biblical understanding of sex in marriage was deeply positive - ''give each other the best pleasure, God made us for it''.

We are aware that some have tried to make a biblical issue out of what parts of the body married couples can and cannot kiss. In their minds, there is only one Biblical form of sexual expression in marriage, man insert his penis into her vagina, ejaculate like pestle and mortar, and satisfied himself without minding if the woman reach orgasm or not. They attempt to defend their viewpoint [by] trying to make it into a holiness issue. Song of Solomon 7:1-2 says, “How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince's daughter! Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman's hands. Your navel is a rounded goblet that NEVER LACKS BLENDED WINE. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies”.

I can assure you that "navel" and "waist" in this translation are oblique references to what lies between her "graceful legs." It may not be a direct reference to cunnilingus, but what else does one do with blended wine but drink it? These verses are contextually supported by three factors: King Salomon's descriptive praise of her is in ascending order, beginning with her feet and concluding with her hair. The movement from her thighs, to her vulva, and then to her waist. He love kissing every part of her body. Kissing one another’s bodies is quite all right. So where do the lips stop kissing? Must they stop before reaching genitalia? Inner thigh okay? Vulva not? Without biblical, health, or practical reasons, I don’t see why that area is forbidden.

Song of Songs 4: 16, it says, "Awake, O north wind, And come, wind of the south; Make my garden breathe out fragrance, Let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits!"

Garden here is referring to her vagina and she asked the man to breath out fragrance and eat its choice fruits. How will you explain this verse?

According to most modern biblical scholars, the Song of Songs is about the sexual love between a married couple. In this Old Testament book, preserved as part of the holy scriptures, specific sexual acts are described. There appear to be at least two references to oral sex within.

The first woman to man:
“Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.” Song of Solomon 2:3

The second man to woman:
“Awake, O north wind, and come, wind of the south; make my garden breathe out fragrance, let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits!” Song of Solomon 4:16

Moreover, there is nothing inherently harmful about oral sex. There isn’t much research into the composition or possible health benefits, but a wife’s natural lubricant appears to be okay for her husband to ingest. The contact of lips and tongue to genitals is not far different from hands or fingers on genitals.

THE FESTAL PROCESSING OF LOVEMAKING:

“While the king is at his TABLE, My SPIKENARD sends forth its fragrance”. Song of Solomon 1:12 NKJV

Table is an English term derived from Hebrew “Mecabh”, which denoted any flat round surface, but especially one used for festal procession. And the word ‘festal’ is refers to what “Offer fun and gaiety; Activities that are enjoyable or amusing”.

When a King is at his table, what do you think will be presented to him? Rich food, fruits and assorted wine, isn’t it? In the above verse, the King was feasting not on fruits and wine, but on his wife’s body. The taste of her mouth was like a mixture of wine, her breasts were like the cluster of fruits on a palm tree and the fragrance of her vulva was like spikenard. Wow, what a royal festal procession! He eats, drink and dance with his lovely wife.

As I said in my previous posts, Solomon used pictorial language to describe the beauty of marriage love and copulation. The wife said, “My Spikenard Gave Forth It's Fragrance”, The pictorial meaning of ‘spikenard’ is the fragrance that emits from her vagina when she is stimulated. 

In those days women would use spikenard to perfume their sexual parts. Spikenard was a costly perfume or ointment derived from a plant native to India. It was used as both a sexual stimulant, and as a relaxant. She was so hot from sexual stimulation that it was causing the scent of spikenard to fill the air letting him know she was in a high state of arousal.

Origen, an early church father, said that spikenard is a hairy plant that emits its scent only when it is rubbed. This lovely woman is saying that when they sit together in a feast of erotic love, he caressed her hairy vulva which emitted a fragrance when stimulated. Since the word for “at his table” can also mean enveloped, he was either enjoying an oral feast, or his erection was enveloped by her vagina. Halleluyah!

HOW TO SLOW DOWN YOUR HUSBAND DURING SEX:

Every so often, for a woman sex is an exploratory journey with an orgasm being the destination she may or may not reach but for a man it’s a voyage that needs no direction – he knows he will reach the goal post and he does. More often than not, at least! So when you are with your man, how do you get him to slow down? 

A man will try his best to touch you where and how he thinks feels the best. And though we appreciate them for that, it may not be work for you. But instead of going with it or telling him it doesn’t do anything for you, show him what you want. Guide him to your pleasure zones and whisper into his ears what feels good – whispering makes it sound as if you are sharing a secret and not instructing him (which will deflate his ego for sure) and he’ll try twice as hard to please you.

Once they are aroused, men simply chug ahead full speed, failing to realize that it might take you a moment to catch up with them. Get him to do a bit of foreplay and make sure he notices how much you like it. When he understands how much you enjoy it, he’ll spend a lot more time on it, getting you where you need to be – the point of no return.

Some men try tricks they see in movies – like kissing your neck or nibbling on your ear lobe – but for some women, chewing on the ear lobe is just not a turn on! Instead of saying, ‘Eww, don’t do that!’ say ‘Can I show you something I like?’ For him, it’s the equivalent of dirty talk – something no man can resist. Not only will he appreciate you not telling him off, but will love you for telling him what you like – it’s the ultimate turn on.

No one needs a stronger ego boost than a man in bed. You can ask them but they’ll all deny it but it’s the most important thing for a man to know he’s all you can ever ask for. So when he does something right, let him know. Moaning helps, of course. You could also casually compliment him after you’re done by saying, ‘I loved it when you…’. It’s just the thing he needs to give you more excitement in the sack.

Let’s face it – it takes little effort to arouse your husband and once he is there, it’s only a matter of time before he reaches the climax – but it may not be the same time for you. So once he gets off you are left, for the lack of a better term, high and dry. Try this: the next time, just as he is about to climax, ask him to pull out. You could try this on yourself too – if you feel like you are nearing an orgasm, stop right there. Start off once more; this stop and go trick will build up the sexual arousal to give you both a mind-blowing orgasm!

So follow these quick tips and make sure the pleasure is all yours, or at least more than his!

ALL NIGHT LONG WITH YOUR SPOUSE:

HE IS A BUNDLE OF MYRRH TO HIS WIFE ALL NIGHT LONG:

“A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me, that lies all night between my breasts”. Song of Solomon 1:13

In the ancient world, women would perfume their bodies for lovemaking by putting a sachet of myrrh between their breasts. Instead of putting myrrh, she desires him to be her bundle of myrrh, sleeping all night between her breasts. Several women are longing for the touch of their husbands, but they are emotionally detached from them on the marriage bed. Some men even live in separate rooms from their wives.

Myrrh is from the Hebrew word "mowr" from the root "maarar" meaning "to drop,". The stunted trunk has a light gray odorous bark. It grew in Arabia around Saba; the gum resin exudes in drops which harden on the bark, and the flow is increased by incision into the tree. It is a transparent, brown, brittle, odorous substance, with bitter taste. But when the juice is press, it brings forth a sweet smelling scent.

Night is a time of warfare between light and darkness. Her husband comes home with bitterness because of the burden of works. And he can only find emotional comfort from his wife as he lies in her warm embrace, then his bitterness turns to sweetness. What a marvellous place for a man to rest; lying between the beautiful breasts of his beloved. If every couple will practice the principle of God’s word, marriage will be the sweetest and easiest thing on earth.

Why should a husband be myrrh to his wife all night long? Myrrh is a resin that stimulate sexual passion when rub on the body. She said, “He is a bundle of myrrh”, which means, he is like a bag of scent that stimulate her sexually. As she smells his natural male cologne when he is feeling sexy, all her erotic zones become active and waiting for his touch. Myrrh is employed in Ps 45:8, as a perfume, "All thy garments smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia;" also in several passages of the Song of Solomon, "I will get me to the mountain of myrrh, and to the hill of frankincense" (S/S 4:6); "My hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh" (S/S 5: 1).

I love this verse, “I will get me to the mountain of myrrh”. Going to the mountain speaks of sexual climax. The wife in this passage is saying, I will not allow him to come until both of us are ready, then we both come together. Therefore, her hands and fingers will be busy caressing him until his bitter sweat become sweet smelling myrrh as he water her body all night long. Wow!
Let this be the prayer of every husband, "Lord, please make me to be a bundle of myrrh to my darling wife every night as I sleep between her breasts".

SHE IS A CLUSTER OF HENNA TO HER HUSBAND ALL NIGHT LONG:

“My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blooms In the vineyards of En Gedi”. Song of Solomon 1:14

Henna is a fragrant and aromatic bush that grows intertwined among other plants. It is used for hair dye, cosmetics and temporary tattoos. Solomon compared his beloved to a cluster of henna. The picture here is of their physical closeness. They are all arms and legs and body parts entwined together like a henna bush does to other plants. And they are imprinted on each other like a tattoo to skin. Their lovemaking is as playful as little goats at Engedi delightedly celebrating life. Engedi means “fountain of the little goat”.

Solomom says, “If two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?” Eccl 4:11. The reason of the coldness in your marriage is because of your negligence of this truth. Don’t allow the baby to come in-between you and your spouse. Until you value lying together like cluster of Henna every night, there is tendency sex will leave your marriage.

As they lie together and he feels the sexual heat, he brings forth the myrrh in him. When she inhale the sweetness of his myrrh, she become a cluster of Henna and together, they reach the mountain top of sexual climax. While playing together like little goat of Engedi, he said to her, “Behold, you are fair, my love! Behold, you are fair! You have dove’s eyes”. S/S1:15. A dove is a symbol of innocence, gentleness and purity. Every night, he looks at her body and admires it. He says, “Your body is fair, you have dove’s eyes, you look sexy”. And she responded, “Behold, you are handsome, my beloved! Yes, pleasant! Also our bed is green. The beams of our houses are cedar, And our rafters of fir. Song of Solomon 1:16-17

As a cluster of Henna, she entwined her whole body around him until he is intoxicated with the wine of her love. And they will make love wherever they please, even outdoors on the luxuriant green grass under cedar and cypress trees, on the carpet, in the kitchen and in the bathroom. They were adventuresome and when aroused they did not confine themselves to their bedroom.

Every man enjoys when his spouse is open to new sexual experiences and experimentation shared between them.

Let this be your prayer as a wife, “Lord make me to be a cluster of Henna to my darling husband every night until he becomes intoxicated with my love”. Culled from my upcoming eBook "Biblical Eroticism".

THE PROCESS OF TIME FOR LOVE:

Yesterday I saw a young boy and asked him, “How old are you?” he said, I am eleven years old”. I quickly remembered my childhood mistakes. While at age eleven was the first time I felt in love with a girl who was two years younger than me. For three years we were madly in FOOLISH LOVE not really knowing what we were doing. We had no knowledge about Love Responsibilities, Pregnancy or Marriage, but we were having fun and hoping to get married soon. In those days, our immature hearts lost concentration while in school. All we can think of was PLEASURE and getting married soon. My performance in school started dropping low. Five years later we parted ways because another man came and eloped her. I cried all night and could not eat for two weeks. My fragile heart was broken and I developed mistrust for women after I had five of such experiences, which resulted in me misusing and dumping ladies. Few years later, I met my first lover and could not believe what I saw. She looks older than me and not even the type of woman I could ever fall in love with.

In my recent research, I observed that 85% of the people we fell in love with while we were under 20, might not be our ideal partners. Because it was not the appropriate time for us to be in love, we will not have the capacity to sustain love and that is why we end up being misused, heart-broken and hating the opposite sex. 

Our Maker is the God of process, therefore, for anything to come to fruition it must pass through the process of time. It takes a process of time (nine months) before a baby is born. Even Christ could not come until at the fulness of time, before God presented Him to the world, Gal 4:4.

In Isa 9:6, the Prophet said, "For unto us a CHILD is born, Unto us a SON is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder". Until a child becomes a SON, the government will never be on his shoulder. He should still be under the leadership of his parents, waiting patiently for the fulfillment of the process of time – growing through the process of CHILDHOOD into SONSHIP. And when he become a SON, the Lord will then PERFECT that which concerns him, Ps 138:8. 

Because of lack of knowledge and impatience, we attract the wrong person and in the wrong timing and order. We don’t wait for God's timing, but instead we pick the one who is good enough and we pray for the best. We don’t take the time to grow up.

If any of these shortcuts are taken, then what happens is, we awaken love before it’s time. When we do that love awakens as immature and ill-prepared to handle the ups and downs of life. Love can’t sustain itself. Think of an orchid, there is a way to flick the petals where they open prematurely. It’s beautiful but it also withers sooner than it would have if it had opened during a natural progression of time. Just as that orchid can’t be closed again, love can’t be put back to sleep once it’s aroused. God is crying out to young people in these passages that you need to wait for correct timing. Everything done in order and right timing thrives. Love birthed in correct timing is lasting. God isn’t being a party pooper; instead He is saving you a hurt, pain and a broken heart. Take heed to what He is saying and let Him guide you through the process of love.

Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe--and you're ready. 

WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE READY: 

Statistics say that the average person spends 45-62 minutes of each day waiting for something. That’s about 4.2% of the average lifespan. Right now, you may be waiting for a document to download, for your turn to use the bathroom, for a ride to arrive, or for the right person to come along. According to a study on the psychology of waiting, emotions normally dominate the process. The way we feel affects our attitude about the waiting period. The more unpleasant the experience seems for you, the more frustrating and the longer the waiting period seems. Time filled with something else, other than the realization that you’re waiting, gives you the perception of a shorter, quicker wait. Holding your place at the amusement park queue is one thing; now, waiting for a person, a.k.a. God’s best, to come into your life is another story.

I wonder, how would a new concept of time change our culture of waiting? After all, waiting is a function of time. At the risk of sounding too naive, I will say what I know to be true: God’s timing is always perfect. He’s never a minute too early or too late. In Ecclesiastes 3:1, it says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven”.

It clearly says that there is a right time for every single thing. As for love, it is written, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires”. – Song of Songs 2:7
This means that until it is God’s appointed time, we are not to force the issue or attempt to speed up the process. In my own walk with the Lord, I have come to learn that there are four main reasons why God does not give us what we want when we want it:

An area of sin. It’s either there is an area of sin in our lives that He wants us to address first or what we are asking for AT THIS TIME may cause us to stumble in our own walk with God. This leads us to the issue of…

Unpreparedness. Sometimes, we are asking for something we’re not yet ready for. For instance, some of our single women in the church may be praying for a husband when their actions show they are not really ready to be a wife.

God is using the waiting season to mold our character. One of my favorite Scriptures tells me that “the testing of your faith develops perseverance” (James 1:3). In the same way, as we wait for God’s Best, we gain wisdom and patience along the way, and these are essential for playing the role of a godly wife or husband.

No matter how far along we are in our waiting season, we are given a model of the right attitude to keep in James 5:7-9: “See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains… Be patient and stand firm… Don’t grumble”.

RELATIONSHIP COACHING

Welcome to the first part of the Series on Relationship Coaching. This coaching is culled from my Book "The Marriage Quest", which will be release soon

We are born with the ability to relate to another human being. Nobody is an island because we all need love and love consists of living relationship. Been in LOVE is the QUEST of all human beings, essential like breathing fresh air and drinking clean water. 

Just like there is awareness about the delicate ecology of nature, there is a growing awareness about the ecology of relationship. What then is ecology? Ecology is a branch of biology dealing with relation of living organism to their surroundings, their habits, and modes of life or population. In connection to relationship, it reveals the chemistry of love; how we relate with our partners and the bonding agents that make us love for a lifetime.

There are many unconscious forces at work in every stage of a relationship, which has the potential for undermining our best efforts to sustain love if we are not aware. When these unconscious biological and emotional forces that are influencing us are uncovered, we will improve our chances for success in making long-term relationship choices. At this point, we are going to look at brain development as a biological force (chemical) that might be at play when we are making relationship choices. It is proper for us to understand and acknowledge the role of our brain chemistry before thinking of being in a relationship with the opposite sex.

When you are growing up there is a lot more going on than the hormonal changes that have traditionally been attributed to changes in teen behavior. The first areas of the brain to mature are the extreme front and back sections which control basic functions such as processing the senses and movement. Areas involved in orientation and language follow. Areas with more advanced functions (integrating information from the senses/reasoning and other functions) mature last.

Since the REACTIVE PART of the brain develops first, and the RESPONSIBLE PART develops last. As a teen or young adult you may not be developmentally mature enough to anticipate negative consequences of the choices you make. The way information comes into your brain, how it is organized, and then your response may be very different from a mature adult’s response. 

BRAIN UNDER CONSTRUCTION:

Teen process emotions differently than adults. The part of your brain related to emotions and decision making are still developing. As your developing brain undergoes rewiring, you are particularly vulnerable to risky behaviors. The amount of simulations needed to activate motivation differs in your adolescent brain than in your adult brain. 

Researchers are finding that human brain circuitry and development does not reach full maturity on average until the early to mid twenties. They estimated that the brain begin to matures at 20 – 21, and other estimation proves that it is closer to 25 - 26.

Well, these are the ages at which you are making career and relationship that will impact the rest of your life. And yet you may not be fully equipped to manage your impulses and make good long term choices until your brain reaches maturity, perhaps as late as 26 years old.

Your brain’s frontal lobe - the part of the brain that control social activities seems to undergo a lot of development during the teen years. At this time while your teenage brain is changing rapidly, relationship matter a lot to you. This is the time when friends are more important than family and what other people think of you is crucial. It is also a time when you are considering the kind of person you desire to spend the rest of your life with. It is also a time when you may even meet and decide to enter a committed partnership or marry the person you desire to cohabit with for life.

So, what are the implications of the timeline of the development of the brain? While as a teen or young adult you may appear to be mature and have advanced intellectually, the link between your seat of judgment and problem-solving and the emotional center of your brain is the last connection to be fully established. This link is crucial to emotional learning and self-regulation. And so as a teen or young adult, you may not be as mature as you and others sometimes think you are. While you appear to be physically mature, your brain may in fact be still developing and important neural connections necessary for adulthood not yet established. You may not appreciate consequences or weigh information the same way as adult’s do. 

Until your brain is well develop, do not rush into a committed relationship or marry early. Wait until you are mature enough to make the right decision. 

DO NOT AWAKEN LOVE WHEN YOU ARE UNDER 20:

Song 8:4 "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires".

In this verse, God’s Word is saying to young girls, "Do not arouse or awaken love until you are mature to handle the issue of the heart". When it is not yet time and you awaken love, it destroy your capacity of ever discovering true love and dehumanizes your womanhood to a sex toy.

First off, what is God talking about when he says do not arouse or awaken love? How does this happen? Awakening or arousing love when you are not ready for marriage means you are walking along the edges of it. When the Lord tells us not to awaken love until it so desires, it means we aren’t supposed to walk along the cliff until the time is right. 

Do you know why so many ladies confessed they will never trust a man again? Do you know why their hearts were so broken to the extend of hating men? They allowed men to awaken their love and aroused them sexually when they were under 20. At that time, their brain was still under construction and not yet mature enough to make the right decision about relationship and destiny. Now there brains have been corrupted with false love and their souls tied to different men through sex. When they become adult (from the ages of 25), they get confuse about what true love is. They then discovered that sex is not love and love is not having sex. But, because they were so used to falling in love and having sex with different men, they can't withhold themselves the first day of meeting a new lover.
Their love is so awaken and their emotions so aroused to the extend that they can't control falling in bed with every Dick, Tom and Harry who claim to love them. They are always blinded by "Love at first sight" and ends up heart-broken. 

Out of ten, only 1 or 2 under twenty ends up getting married to the men they were dating. And most of them ends up their marriages in divorce. 

Why disturbing your brain while you are still schooling and under 20? As adult, you know what you want and you just can't offer yourself completely to any man that comes your way except if your mind is reprobate and you decided to be a prostitute. Therefore, it's better to wait until you are mature enough to handle the issues of life.

When is that time and how do we know that it’s that time to love? That’s the million dollar question because it’s different for everyone, but there are some solid guidelines that we can be sure of. First off, there isn’t a magic age at which you can point to and say it’s time. So it isn’t about numbers. There are some things that can’t be denied though.