INTELLIGENT MEN, FOOLISH CHOICES

“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife”

2 Chronicles 16:9 “For the eyes of the LORD run back and forth throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him. Herein you have done foolishly: therefore from henceforth you shall have wars”.

History is full of intelligent people who have made incredibly stupid decisions and all sorts of mistakes in their lives, especially in the area of choosing a life partner.

Your ability to be intelligent is not enough to enable you get a compatible life partner or enjoy a blissful marriage. When you only use your intellect on spiritual matters, you are acting foolishly and the result is “you shall have wars in life and in marriage”.

Intelligent means “Having the natural capacity for thought and reason especially to a high degree; Possessing sound natural knowledge; Endowed with the capacity to woo”.

Intelligent, clever, and brilliant mean having a good amount of mental ability. Intelligent is used of a person who can handle new situations and solve problems. Intelligent persons are trained to run companies, organizations, politics and businesses, etc. But when it comes to marriage they fail. Why? Because marriage is a divine institution and require spiritual knowledge, wisdom and understanding to function in it.

Your intelligent mind gives you an advantage over others in life, but not in marriage. The advantage is that you are usually right about pretty much everything. You know so many things that other people just don’t understand, or can’t understand because they’re not as intelligent or as aware as you are. Yet, when it comes to women and marriage, you keep failing and you don’t know why.

A University Professor once admitted, “I was trained as a Psychologist before I got married, and I wrote a book titled: SEVEN PRINCIPLES ON HOW TO RAISE CHILDREN. After my marriage, I got SEVEN CHILDREN without SEVEN PRINCIPLES”.

Intelligence has to do with “natural knowledge”. You need what is more than natural knowledge, to understand spiritual things. Let me explain:

INTELLIGENT FOOLS

The Bible measures intelligence by prudence and wisdom. One can be intelligent but a fool, God does not care about intelligent fools who think they know everything but are absolutely nothing in front of the “knowledge of God”.

The Bible says that the Fear (love) of the Lord is the ‘beginning’ of knowledge, so God loves men that have spiritual knowledge in addition to their natural knowledge, He doesn't care about our highest academic degree or our PhD’s.

The Bible speaks of wisdom more than intelligence. Intelligence is considered morally neutral. It can be used for good or evil. God warns us of the limits of human intelligence. He says that some people felt they were too smart to believe in God. “Claiming to be wise, they became fools” (Romans 1: 22) is what God says about them.

No matter how high is your IQ (Intelligence Quotient - aptitude, mental ability, degree, measurement), without the knowledge of spiritual things you will end up becoming a fool. Before I got born again, I was very intelligent and yet, I have done foolish and unwise things. Natural Intelligence has value, but spiritual knowledge and wisdom has far more value.

You cannot know God through the intellect. God’s foolishness is puts to shame the wisdom of man. “The world through wisdom knew not God.” The Bible doesn’t emphasize natural intelligence, but instead knowledge, wisdom, and understanding—gifts of God.

YOU NEED SPIRITUAL KNOWLEDGE TO SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE

The Bible gives a definition for two types of intellect which exist in the world. The intellect of natural men and the intellect of spiritual men. The spiritual man is the smartest person, because his mind is made similar to the mind of Christ.

“But the natural man receives not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he that is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is judged of no man. For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ”. (1 Corinthians 2:14-16)

Who can be smarter than Jesus in the biblical story? In other words, who can be smarter than a person who think like Jesus? Or who can be smarter than a person with the mind of Christ?

Isa. 33: 6 says, “And wisdom and knowledge shall be the stability of your times, and strength of salvation: the fear of the LORD is his treasure”.

When it comes to the divine institution of marriage, there are two things that can give you STABILITY: Wisdom and Knowledge.

When the Spirit of God come upon you: 

· You receive KNOWLEDGE beyond the natural. Isa. 11: 2; Prov. 1: 7
· You receive WISDOM beyond the natural. Ex 31:1-5

The spirit of knowledge will give you UNDERSTANDING beyond the natural and the spirit of wisdom will guide you to know how to apply knowledge and make the right decision. Proverbs 2:6 says, “For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding”. (Read also Job 32:8)

Paul prays for the Church at Colosse, that they "might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding". Col 1:9. Let me defines the meaning of these three words:

Knowledge: Gk “epignosis”. To know fully
Wisdom: Gk “sophia”. To apply what is fully known.
Understanding: Gk "sunesis", which literally means "a flowing together of two rivers". The two rivers are knowledge and wisdom.

Marriage requires knowledge of God’s Word. A "little knowledge" leads us to a "full knowledge", which leads us to "understanding", and the final result is "wisdom". With wisdom, you can easily solve marital issues.

The Greeks had a basic word for natural "knowledge", and that is "gnosis". "Gnosis" could be described as simply a vertical list of facts. According to 1 Cor 8:1, "gnosis" by itself tends to "puff up, make proud”. “….we know that ‘we all have knowledge’. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up”. From this verse, you can see reasons why most intelligent men are puff up.

When God’s Word commands us to grow and be filled with "knowledge", the Greek word is "epignosis. The phrase “epi” refers to “something added”. Therefore, “epignosis” means “something added to the natural knowledge”. When you get born again as an intelligent man, God added supernatural knowledge to your natural knowledge. This spiritual knowledge from God produces "spiritual understanding” in you, which is the Greek word "sunesis", which literally means "a flowing together of two rivers". The two rivers are knowledge and wisdom.

"Sunesis" is the merging together of knowledge (epignosis) and wisdom (Sophia) and our understanding becoming deeper and wider. In 2 Tim 2:7, Paul says "consider what I say and the Lord give you understanding (sunesis)". Knowledge and understanding leads us to "wisdom" Gk "sophia", meaning “the application of knowledge and understanding”.

The reason why intelligent men make foolish choices in marriage and experiencing fail marriages is because they use “gnosis”, instead of “epignosis”. Your natural knowledge can’t help you in spiritual matters. You need to be born again and filled with the knowledge of God’s will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding.

Since God is the One who actually gives wisdom to men and women, The writer of Psalm 111:10 got it right when he said that; “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, all who follow His precepts have good understanding. To Him belongs eternal praise.” Do you have the fear of the Lord?

James 1:5 tells us: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

God is the source of all things, wisdom is in His hands. Being a wise person is a whole lot different from being an intelligent person.

INTELLIGENT MEN LIVES ON SUBSTITUTES

Marriage actually serves as the prevention of loneliness. God said, it is not good for a man to be alone, he needs a help meet. When an intelligent man who has no spiritual knowledge of the principles of marriage and make a foolish choice of a life partner, his loneliness will be made worse than it is in a single life.
 

The word “Loneliness” simply means “malnutrition of soul that comes from living on substitute”.

Many intelligent men who made the wrong choice are LIVING ON SUBSTITUTES like - Wine, Sports, T.V, Reading Newspaper, coming late at night, spending time with friends or chasing after other women etc.

The wife’s role in the marriage is to be a “helper” corresponding to her husband. The word “Help” could be defined as someone who comes to partake of a burden so as to make it lighter. She is a helper that fits and adds to the man in order to fill up gaps of loneliness and inadequacy in his life. She is an asset not a liability. This is why God said it’s not good for the man to be lonely, he need a wife to compliment him in his mission on earth.

CONSEQUENCES OF LONELINESS

Loneliness among intelligent married couples has the following consequences:

Physical Consequence - Inability to create intimate relationship with each other.
Emotional Consequence - Inability to create sexual intimacy with each other.
Spiritual Consequence - Inability to commune with God.

Living on substitutes cannot erase emptiness created by loneliness. In fact, you can still be lonely in the mist of wealth, people, and music if you have no knowledge of marriage from God’s revealed Word. Eccl. 2: 4-11

You are married, but lonely because your soul is empty. There is no revelation of the fear of the Lord in you and neither do you have the knowledge of what marriage is according to God, the Marriage Maker.

The most devastating consequences of loneliness are insomnia, and loss of appetite, thwarted vision, and unfulfilled libido

SMART WOMEN, FOOLISH CHOICES

1 Sam 25:2-3 “Now there was a man in Maon whose business was in Carmel, and the man was VERY RICH….. 3. The name of the man was NABAL, and the name of his wife ABIGAIL. And she was a woman of GOOD UNDERSTANDING and BEAUTIFUL APPEARANCE; but the man was HARSH and EVIL in his doings. He was of the house of Caleb”.

Why do some smart women end up in bad relationships with the opposite sex? We’re talking about successful women from the highest ranks of corporate organizations to business owners and lawyers—highly intelligent and well respected in their fields. Why do they thrive in their careers but seem so luckless in love?

What is smartness? Smart is defined as (of a person) clean, tidy, and well dressed. Example 'you look very smart'.

The Bible consistently affirms feminine beauty. For Abigail, it says: “She was an intelligent and beautiful woman…” Another version says she had ‘lovely features’. Beautiful and Smart Abigail was married to a wealthy man, and she may have enjoyed the benefits of an affluent lifestyle, but her rich husband Nabal was foolish, intemperate, and mean.

Abigail’s name is derived from two Hebrew words, “father” and “happiness”, and means “my father’s happiness”. She may have been the cause of happiness in her father’s house, but Abigail’s marriage cannot have been a happy one. Why? She made the wrong choice.

Why should a smart woman like Abigail with “Good understanding and beautiful appearance” fell in love with a man that is “Harsh and Evil” in his doings? I wonder!

Is it because of his riches?

Didn’t Abigail saw the evil and foolishness in him before marriage?

What motivated her to marry such a man?

Was it an arranged marriage by parents?

The answer is that most of the SMART LADIES are waiting for their CLASS, instead of searching for GODLY MEN. And once their class shows up, the foolishly “fall in and out of love”. I have heard and seen many ladies rejecting potential and godly suitors telling them, “You are not my class”.

FOOLISH CHOICE OF MARRYING A HARSH MAN

Her husband’s name is Nabal meaning “foolish” or “senseless”. As an adjective, nabal is sometimes used of people who have no perception of ethical or religious claims. It’s an apt name for Abigail’s husband who typifies such behaviour.

She said in verses 25 “As his name is, so is he”. Ladies, just close your eyes and imagine it were you married to a foolish, harsh and evil man. I can hear you saying, “Ha, Pastor Jabari, that’s disgusting!" Sure, it is.

The word foolish means “to be devoid of good sense or judgment; having or revealing stupidity”.

Can a woman of understanding and beauty dwell happily under the same roof with a foolish and harsh man? Oh, how devastating and demoralizing will that be!

In 1 Sam 25:3, it says, “…And she was a woman of GOOD UNDERSTANDING and BEAUTIFUL APPEARANCE; but the man was HARSH and EVIL in his doings. He was of the house of Caleb”.

According to God's Word, Nabal was not only a fool, but harsh and evil. Your good understanding and beautiful appearance will be valueless to a foolish and harsh man. Your thoughts and lifestyles will be at variance with each other, leading to insecurity, isolation and emotional divorce.

How comes Smart Abigail couldn’t see the evil, harshness and foolishness in Nabal before marriage? You can answer that question.

SMART WOMEN AND THE HOUSE OF CALEB

Last part of verses 3 stated that Nabal was from the “house of Caleb”. Why was his family name mentioned? The name “Caleb” derive from keleb, meaning “dog-like, shameless; (by euphemism) a male prostitute [from an unused root meaning to yelp, or else to attack]”. This means he was from a family who were rich, immoral, wicked, ungodly, shameless and adulterous.

Believe me, there are families like that today who are extremely rich and influential, but lack common sense. Can such family pray or invite God into their homes since they have whatever money can buy? No wonder, Psalms 14:1 describe a fool in this manner: “The fool has said in his heart, "There is no God."

My daughters, before you marry any man, check his background and make sure he is truly born again. Don’t be carried away with the Mansion, fleets of cars and flamboyant lifestyle. Proverbs 17:1 says, “Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife”.

Nabal has no reverence for God, verse 20 made us to understand that Abigail went to meet David, the man of God “under cover”. Why? For fear of her evil husband who will definitely stop her if he knows. So many married women today are going to church or attending programs “under cover” to avoid being beaten or receive verbal abuse from their unbelieving husbands.

Even though Nabal was a wealthy man, yet he has no regards for the men of God. The Bible said he refused to help King David. Instead of supporting the work of God, he was holding feast with friends according to verse 36. King David was so annoyed and determined to kill him and all his men. If not because of the wisdom and intercession of the wife, all the males from his household would have been destroyed by King David. Verses 24- 25 said Abigail fell at the feet of King David and said, "On me, my lord, on me let this iniquity be! And please let your maidservant speak in your ears, and hear the words of your maidservant. 25 Please, let not my lord regard this scoundrel Nabal. For as his name is, so is he: Nabal is his name, and folly is with him!”

BEWARE OF SCOUNDREL FOOLS

1 Sam 25:25 “Please, let not my lord regard this scoundrel Nabal. For as his name is, so is he: Nabal is his name, and folly is with him!”

Incompatible marriage is not something to flaunt at. Imagine the Smart Abigail discovering only after marriage that her husband is a “Scoundrel Fool”, that is “A wicked or evil person who act foolishly; someone who does evil deliberately and has no regard for or fear of God”.

Though David hearkens to the pleading of Abigail and spares her husband, however God later struck him and he died. And Abigail suddenly became a young widow. But at least that is better for her because she ends up being the King’s bride.

Beloved lady, if your boyfriend is harsh and evil before marriage, be sure that his harshness, evil and foolishness will escalate into verbal and emotional abuse after marriage. Don't say he will change. That's the lie of the devil. Listen to this proverbs –

"As a dog returns to his own vomit, So a fool repeats his folly". Prov 26:11

"Though you grind a fool in a mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain, Yet his foolishness will not depart from him". Prov 27:22

Can you endure living with a SCOUNDREL FOOL? It will take a lot of prayers to avert the judgment of God upon such a family. You can enjoy his wealth and mansion now, but thereafter, the wealth will be nothing to you compare to the pain and disgrace you will go through.

A scoundrel husband will have no value for the things of God and will always combat at your devotion to church activities or connection to men of God.

“Stay away from a foolish man, for you will not find knowledge on his lips”, was the warning of Proverb14:7. Out of experience, Solomon quipped that a fool "does what seems right to him and does not listen to advice", Proverb12:15.

Proverb 14:16 describe the nature of a fool as "hotheaded and reckless." Proverb 18:2 says he "delights in airing his own opinions" and Proverb 20:3 said he is "quick to quarrel." Proverb 28:26 sums up the basic problem in his life when it says that a foolish man "does not walk in wisdom." And finally Proverb 29:11 say he "gives full vent to his anger, and has no self-control."

Being smart is not a criterion for chosen a life part, but the wisdom of God. For the Bible says, “wisdom is profitable to direct”. Ecclesiastes 10:10 (KJV)

Ladies, you might think you are SMARTER than men, but without the revelation of God’s word and wisdom, you might end up making a foolish choice by marrying a Scoundrel Fool and regret thereafter. Don’t marry your CLASS, marry GOD’S CLASS.

THE PRINCIPLES OF MARRIAGE

The first requirement is for us to KNOW the “principles of the oracles of God” according to Hebrews 5:12 “For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat”.

It grieves the heart of God when His people who are supposed to know the FIRST PRINCIPLES and grow unto PERFECTION are still babies. He says in Hebrews 6:1 “Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us GO ON UNTO PERFECTION; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God”

As it is with our salvation, so it is with marriage. God want us to understand the principles of marriage and grow unto perfection.

Marriage is governed by divine principles, ordained by Jesus, the Marriage Maker. Principle is from the Gk. Arche, meaning “Beginning of a thing; the rule; guiding rule for behavior; general law is shown in the working of a device.”

In a more definite way, principle is the “manufacturer’s manual.” Manual is defined as “a handbook that instructs on how to use a particular device.” The Bible is God’s manual. Failure to read the manual will lead to malfunctioning of marriage.

Divine principles will help you to know the WHAT, the HOW and the WHY God ordained marriage. There are three levels of knowing God, and three levels of knowledge about Him:

Knowing God’s Acts, what He does.

Knowing God’s Ways, how He does it.

Knowing God’s Thought, why He do it.

There are differences between the Acts of God and His WAYS.

The Acts of God is centered on “Knowing how the mechanism work”. While the Ways of God is centered on “Knowing how to drive the mechanism”. When couples only understand the Acts of Marriage (Marry, enjoy sex and bear children), without understanding the Ways or principles of “husbands, love your wife as Christ loves the church”, and “Wife, submit yourself unto your husband in everything”, might never have a successful marriage.

Principles never change. Methods always do. And if we only follow the Acts, without understanding Principles or Ways of Marriage, we will experience shipwreck.

Good and effective marriage springs from our connection with God and His knowledge. Our knowledge is finite, while His knowledge is infinite.

DOES PERFECT MARRIAGES EXIST?

I have heard this statement several time during premarital counseling, “No Marriage is Perfect”. Is this statement Biblical?

Why are we giving a wrong concept of marriage to the unmarried? Our traditional concept of marriage, which are not scriptural gives false information to people. It causes them to enter into marriage with the idea that it can’t be perfect no matter how they tried.

The concept of “No Marriage is Perfect” tend to look at marriage in a very physical manner. But the first thing that God does when He instituted marriage is put it on a spiritual plane. 

A first principle seen from Genesis 1 and 2 is that marriage is a divine institution given by God as a part of the created order. Marriage was not “figured out” by man; it was instituted by God right from the start. And it is God’s definition that matters, not any later attempts by man to redefine it.

In the world, people believe there are no perfect marriages. Such believe is unscriptural and has its root in the tradition of men.

What then is tradition?

“Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.” Colossians 2:8

As shown by our theme scripture, the Apostle Paul, in the days of the Early Church, found it necessary to counsel the brethren to resist the influence of the tradition of men. 

Webster’s Dictionary defines tradition as “the handing down of statements, beliefs, legends, information, etc., from generation to generation, especially by word of mouth or by practice: a story that has come down to us or something that is handed down”.

However, human tradition, unsupported by the teachings of the Bible, no matter how old, how venerable, or how seemingly reasonable, should be given no authority by the dedicated child of God and sincere student of the Bible. The Lord’s true people will only give heed to the instructions of his Word, which states, “To the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.”—Isa. 8:20

Jesus was very outspoken in condemning the “tradition of the elders” as set forth by the scribes and the Pharisees of his day. He was asked by them why his disciples transgressed these traditions, and his reply was, in part, “Why do you also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition?” (Matt. 15:2,3) Thus Jesus indicates that the traditions of men are often contrary to the commandment, or Word of God.

One of the tradition handed to us is the believe that “Perfect Marriage Does not exist”. 

UNDERSTANDING MARRIAGE PERFECTION

The word “Perfect” means having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be. make (something) completely free from faults or defects; make as good as possible. 

Something that is perfect is complete and without defect or blemish. It might also be precisely accurate or exact. 

For something to be imperfect, means it has flaws, errors, or problems. Imperfect is the opposite of perfect. 

If we say that marriage is imperfect, we are ultimately saying marriage is a human institution and has flaws, errors, problems; it is incomplete. Does this give a true picture of the Marriage created by God from the beginning? 

Remember that God is perfect. Whatever comes out of Him must be perfect. And He expected all His creation to remain perfect just as He is perfect. He says in Matthew 5:48 “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect”. 

Marriage was designed by God without defect or blemish. Defect and blemishes comes after the Fall of Adam. But the coming of Jesus restores us back to the perfect plan of God.

Your perception of marriage depends on how you view it. If you are seeing marriage through the eyes of God, you will define marriage as a perfect institution; but if you are seeing it through the human eyes, you will define it as imperfect.

HOW CAN MARRIAGE BE IMPERFECT?

Marriage is a part of God’s created order as revealed in Genesis 1 and 2. Genesis 1:26–27 states that on the sixth day of creation “God created man in His image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Seven times in Genesis 1 God states that His creation was “good”.

Good means “to be desired or approved of; something having the required qualities”. Words related to good are: great, satisfying, exceptional, positive, acceptable, satisfactory, valuable, superb, marvelous, bad, wonderful, favorable, excellent, respectable, honest, useful, talented, efficient, reliable, able.

God is good. It's not just what he does; it's who he is — and who he is never changes. He can only produce from what comes out of Him. Let me ask you, is marriage created by God? If your answer is yes, then I want you to answer the next question. Can something created by a Perfect God be classified as “Imperfect”? 

The Bible says, “Matthew 12:35 “A good man out of the good treasure of the heart brings forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things”.

Marriage is a good thing. James 1:17 says “Every GOOD GIFT and every PERFECT GIFT is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning”.

Marriage is a GOOD and PERFECT GIFT from God. It was created and established as a perfect gift, not imperfect.

THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

Let me proof to you that perfect marriage exists and it only exist in the spiritual plane. 

The Bible started with the story of a Perfect Marriage (between Adam and Eve) and ended with the Testimony of the Perfect Marriage (between Jesus and the Church). From the beginning, it was a STORY. But in the Church Age, it is a TESTIMONY.

 

In between the two Perfect Marriages, there was and is an Imperfect Marriage. 

God, from the beginning FORMED marriage as a Perfect Union representing the relationship between the Godhead – God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. But after the Fall of Adam, the devil gain ascendancy and DEFORMED what God has FORMED. Then God sent His Son, one of the Godhead to REDEEM man and his marriage from DEFORMATION. Thus, the coming of Jesus Christ on earth REFORMED marriage and bring it back to its original purpose. 

Therefore, in this Church Age, we can experience an EXTRAORDINARY MARRIAGE through the grace of the Perfect Marriage between Christ and His Church.