PASTOR, MY MARRIAGE IS FALLING APART:

There are so many women calling me from different parts of the world and crying “Help me, my marriage is falling apart”. And here is my respond - Don’t worry because this happens to everyone. 

You see, we spend a lot of time and energy finding our perfect mates. By the time we say “I do,” we assume (and fervently hope) that the work is over. The idea of having to spend time working on your marriage may seem strange or even depressing, but it’s worth it! Even if it feels like your whole marriage needs an overhaul, deepening your relationship doesn’t have to be a gruelling process. With the right tools, the suffering can end.

One of the best ways to help your marriage is to ensure you’re thinking about it the right way.

Most people believe that if you’re having problems in your marriage, you’re with the wrong person. So, when conflict gets heated, they wonder if it’s time to bail … and it’s not! Rather, if you’re willing to work with the conflict, there is something wonderful and amazing waiting for you right around the corner. The key is learning how to work with conflict creatively – in ways that help both you and your partner grow. Plus, just changing your perspective so that you view conflict as an opportunity, an indicator that it’s time to grow, can help ease the troubles you ‘re having.

Sometimes we’re so busy working on our relationships that we actually forget to enjoy them. And what’s the point of doing all of that work if you’re not having fun with your partner? Using humour and joy is critical to a couple’s happiness together.

Why are we so inclined to focus on what’s bad instead of what’s good? Every relationship contains at least some negativity, and the amount of negativity in a relationship is directly proportional to the amount of trouble it’s in. Negativity includes any/all words, tone of voice, facial expressions and/or behavior your partner says feels negative to him/her. And yes, rolling your eyes counts.

You see, negativity is like rat poison; nothing can grow in it! So, if you want your relationship to grow, you’ve got to get rid of all negativity. Yes, all of it. These truths can help you become better partners for each other, and to create a marriage full of real, lasting love and a blissful connection.

Ninety percent of the upset you feel with your partner comes from your past. It’s true! So, stop blaming your partner. We know that it’s hard to do — especially when you feel miserable and it seems as though the source of your misery is, well, that annoying person you’re married to. So, the next time you feel your blood boiling, remind yourself: This feeling has more to do with my past than my partner!

THE TAKER VERSUS THE GIVER
Like a lazy tennis player constantly blaming his racket instead of his lack of practice, we blame our partner rather than our failure to keep practising selfless love until we finally master the art. We haven’t begun to live until discovering that it is more blessed to give than to receive, more blessed to serve than to be served; more blessed to love than be loved.

We were made to be lovers. Lovers are givers not takers. Takers eventually end up supposing they need to change partners. They are parasites who take all they can and then have to move to another victim. They are an empty space sucking the life out of everything around them. The sole value that takers have is that they still have the potential to be transformed into givers; if they let God have His beautiful way in their lives.

Givers are people of honour. They are godlike, because God alone keeps giving and giving, and never run dry.

Takers are stagnant water. Sentenced to getting only what is natural, they can only grasp after things that is limited and dying. In glorious contrast, givers are living rivers.