COMMUNICATION FACTORS IN MARRIAGE

A good marriage thrives on the positive interaction. In fact, communication is one of the most important aspects of a satisfying marriage. Most marriages go through rough times, which can change the way spouses communicate with each other. Many couples develop bad habits and create destructive patterns when things aren’t going well.

The major causes of marriage failure is as the result of *negative interaction*. How couples interact with each other can either build or destroy their marriage.

In communication, there are positive interaction

(i.e. listening, validating the other person, using soft words, expressing appreciation, affirmation, physical affection, compliments, etc.) as there are negative interaction (i.e. raising one’s voice, stating a complaint, or expressing one’s anger).

DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE LISTENING

Someone has pointed out that man has one mouth and two ears and that this is probably a good indication of the fact that man has been designed to do more listening and less talking.

Young married couples should begin their life together by keeping open, at all costs, the lines of communication. However, it often happens that communication lines are down. These breaks in communication are often a result of one of two things:

1. Husband or wife not being able or willing to talk about what’s happening in his/her life.

2. Marriage partners not really listening when the other talks.

James 1:19“...Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (NIV)

“....It is best to listen much, speak little,......” (TLB)

Too many of us are ready talkers, but we have little or no desire to listen. Yet one of the keys to a successful marriage is wanting to hear your spouse out. This will help to build your spouse’s self-esteem. (A person’s self-esteem is his overall judgement of himself - how much he likes his particular person). When a spouse’s self-esteem is high, he/she will feel important, wanted and loved and as a result will be a better marriage partner.

COMMUNICATION IS THE SHARING OF MEANING

Let me challenge you this morning.

i). Is communication with your spouse difficult for you?

ii). Does your spouse appear to have difficulty to understand what you mean?

iii). How do you think your spouse would describe your ability to communicate?

Poor communication can lead to all kinds of misunderstandings. This is certainly true in marriage. The number one issue that can cripple a married couple’s relationship is poor communication. It doesn’t take long for the honeymoon to fade and the consequences of poor communication to appear. Couples wake up to the hard, cold reality: “We don’t talk as much as we used to. We fight more than ever, and I feel like we are growing apart. I don’t know who you are anymore.”

First, let me tell you what communication is not. Communication is not just talking. Too many people think that communication is just running their mouth! Real communication involves talking but it also involves much more. Neither is communication just listening. Some people never express how they feel or what they think. They just passively listen and never genuinely respond.

So what is communication? Communication is the sharing of meaning. A husband and wife have not communicated until meaning has been shared. One sends a certain message and the other understands that message. That is communication.

The elements of communication are *talking, listening and understanding.

One of the key problems in communicating is making yourself understood. A placard frequently seen posted on office walls reads:

“I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

We often do think we understand what our spouse is saying, but often what we heard is not what he/she means at all.

The fact is that when you talk with another person there are actually six messages that can come through.

1. What you mean to say.

2. What you actually say,

3. What the other person hears.

4. What the other person thinks he or she hears.

5. What the other person says about what you said.

6. What you think the other person said about what you said.

NOTE: Don't wait until you get married before you apply this message. If you are not yet married, you are in a better position to develop effective communication skills before you tie the knot.