DOWRY AND BRIDE PRICE

A Sister asked me to talk about the issue of high bride price in Africa. “Is bride price and dowry Biblical? Most a man pay dowry?”

And here is my response:

Let's begin by understanding the difference between a dowry and bride price. Bride price and dowry are terms that refer to payments made at the time of marriage in many cultures, primarily in Asia and Africa. Bride price is typically paid by the groom or the groom's family to the bride's family. Dowry is typically paid by the bride's family to the bride or to the wedded couple. Some cultures may practice both dowry and bride price simultaneously.

In the law of Moses, bride price was not a condition for marriage but only as a penalty for rape. Exodus 22:16-17: "If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife". They paid dowry to the groom and not a bride price to the bride's family.

BIBLICAL FACTS ON BRIDE PRICE

For many Africans, the tradition of the bride price payment became a subject of serious controversy. If God specifically gave this law as a condition for marriage, or is it a man-made tradition? Time to find out the truth!

1. Bride price is not a condition for marriage but only as a penalty for rape.

Exodus 22:16-17: "If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins."

Deuteronomy 22:28-29: "If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels[a] of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives."

You can still pay the bride price and still be denied the woman to be your wife by her father.

At the same time, if the man has never slept with the woman, there should be no need to pay money for her.

2. There was never ever a place in the Bible where God commanded the bride's parent to present a price. It is the groom's responsibility to bring whatever for the lady he wants to marry.

For example, in the Bible was Isaac's marriage to Rebekah. There was no monetary exchange or penalty between the two families. Affordable gifts were given to Rebekah’s family by Abraham (but not demanded by Rebekah’s family). Read Genesis 24:52-54.

3. Bride price, according to the Bible, is all about virgins.

Genesis 24:15-16: "Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milkah, who was the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor. The woman was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever slept with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again."

However, this practice has now been more ‘commercialized’ in modern times, with some families demanding payment of huge amounts which often leave the husband in debt. Some prospective husbands are also postponing enjoying the blessings of marriage because they do not have the means to pay. The practice is also leading to some couples choosing to elope or stay in non-solemnized unions. In recent years, the Kenyan government has also recognized the dangers that dowry payments have on societies. While not criminalizing the practice, Kenyan law provides other opportunities to have legal marriages without the obligation to pay dowries.

SHOULD CHRISTIANS PAY BRIDE PRICE OR NOT?

In some families, even after a certain sum is paid, other payments and gifts can be demanded.

Such practices can encourage greed for money. Yet, the Bible says: “The love of money is a root of all sorts of injurious things.” (1 Timothy 6:10) Because of greed, people can become extortioners, and this brings God’s disfavor. The Bible tells us that no “greedy person​—which means being an idolater—​has any inheritance in the kingdom of the Christ and of God.”​—Ephesians 5:5; compare Proverbs 20:21; 1 Corinthians 5:11; 6:10.

Yet, there is nothing improper in giving a bride-price to the father as a token compensation for the loss of a daughter he reared and educated. A prospective son-in-law could properly view this payment as a symbol of his appreciation for the training given his fiancée. However, some parents try to recover all that they spent, feeling that their married daughters will not help in educating the younger children. Such parents look for the highest bride-price possible, as if their daughters were mere commodities for sale. But they owe their children a good upbringing. Their pride should be in fulfilling this obligation, not in seeing how much they can get back in terms of money or prestige through an exorbitant bride-price. Instead of leading parents to think of material advantages that children can bring, the Bible says: “Children ought not to lay up for their parents, but the parents for their children.”​—2 Corinthians 12:14.

4. Payment of monetary bride price is a tradition and not a direct commandment from God.

In some countries like India, a woman actually pays a dowry for the groom and not the other way round.

Presenting list or asking for monetary bride price is man made a rule.

Dowry and Bride Price are cultural, not Biblical. Therefore, obey the culture of it will not contradict God's Word.

SHOULD WE PAY OR NOT PAY BRIDE PRICE?

Dowry payment is a cultural practice of many communities in Africa. In most of the communities, men are required to pay a token to the bride’s family before marriage. This is more so because most African communities are patriarchal in nature.

In the early days, dowry or ‘mahari’ as this is known in East Africa, was often paid in form of goats, cattle, alcohol and even honey. Some communities required the payment be done a few days before marriage while other payments may take years before or even after the marriage has been solemnized.