DECISION MAKING: who make it in a relationship?

• My decision,
• Your Decision,
• Our Decision.

Proverbs 13:12 says, "hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life".

When your hope defers in relationships, it causes your hearts to be sick. So, how can your desires be correlated?

Anyone who has ever tried to make a decision – small or big – with their partner knows how difficult it is. Why is it so hard? When you are single, your decisions are your own; they only require personal buy-in and typically they have very little impact on other people. (Or at least that’s what you tell yourself!).

When you’re in a committed relationship, on the other hand, decisions require buy-in from both parties, and nearly every decision you make has an impact on your partner.

BALANCING DECISION MAKING

We tend to think that the way we view the world is the way the world really is. And when our partners disagree with us, it’s easy to think that they are the ones who are misinformed or have a distorted perception of reality. How else could they see things so differently?

But failing to understand that each individual is entitled to his or her own point of view is failing to appreciate what makes the other person who they really are. After all, you both are two unique individuals, with two unique backgrounds and life experiences that help form two unique perspectives. And those perspectives should be respected and valued.

Learning not only to recognize, but to appreciate your partner’s perspective may be challenging at times. But with discipline, practice and emotional maturity, you will be able to find new ways of understanding your partner’s point of view. And by doing so, you will not only find that you can enrich your vision of reality, but that you can create a new level of intimacy in your relationship.

OUR DECISION, NOT YOUR DECISION

Every decision you make individually in a relationship has an impact on the other person. In order to maintain a healthy relationship, each partner must at least consider their spouse when making decisions. Whether you are actively making decisions together or considering one another in your individual decisions, there are relatively few that you should make completely on your own.

However, the degree to which your two decision circles overlap is entirely up to you and your partner, and it is different for every couple. Still, the more decisions a couple can successfully share and/or confidently defer to the others judgement on, the better. If one or both partners are making excessive unilateral decisions, then, sooner or later, the relationship will suffer.