No couple wakes up one morning to discover that their marriage is broken and in trouble. There are warning signs long before a marriage falls apart that if addressed early could save the marriage from unnecessary struggle and hurt.
Allow me to mention a few of these warning signs:
You share the same house but fail to share your hearts deepest emotions. There is nothing more effective in keeping a couple intimate than open honest expression of the soul. Couples drift apart emotionally long before they drift apart physically. When you are holding back from your spouse you are holding back your deepest emotions of joy, dreams, struggles, and hurt. You are heading in the opposite direction of true intimacy with your spouse. Learning to be a safe listener to your spouse will keep honest and the deepest emotions flowing . A safe listener listens with their whole person, not just with their ears. A safe listener never laughs, scorns, mocks, or make light of what is being shared. A safe listener is engaged, asks questions, listens with empathy, and seeks to understand. Trouble is certain when a spouse finds a safer listener somewhere else than at home.
You are making decisions without first consulting with each other. Strong marriages consist of couples that respect each other’s opinion and input therefore make it a firm habit to consult each other before making decisions that affect their marriage, finances, and future. There is nothing that says, “You are not important to me” more than not being asked to be involved in decision making. The spouse who can make decisions without consulting their spouse has not become “one” with his/her spouse. An independent attitude in marriage is an open door for trouble sooner or later.
You are keeping score and record of who does more. This is a big warning sign. Keeping score and mental record of who does more, who tolerates more, who offends more is a sure recipe for trouble. In keeping score, your focus is wrong. Keeping score is not only negative focus and thinking, but is usually the fruit of failing to communicate effectively your feelings. Where there is a score board, there is little open communication.
You have found someone else easier to talk to. Nothing good can ever come out of finding someone else easier to talk to than your spouse. This warning sign means that you are already in trouble. Without stable and unwavering character from the one you find it easier to talk too, an affair is in the making because you are already cheating on your spouse.
You find yourself pushing each other’s buttons on purpose. No one knows each other’s weaknesses or buttons as married couples do. Taking advantage of each other’s buttons by deliberately pushing them just to make each other angry or to hurt each other creates distrust and resentment. Couples who keep their marriage strong learn to protect each other and avoid pushing each other’s buttons.
You are mentally and emotionally taking vacations away from each other. This warning sign follows failing to share with each other your deepest emotions and follows finding someone else easier to talk too. Therefore, by the time this sign shows up in a marriage, many other signs have already been ignored or overlooked. Remember, before divorce papers are served, mental and emotional divorce occurred long ago. Failing to recognize this warning sign is extremely costly.
You are no longer dating each other. There is simply no way to build a marriage without life-long dating. Your marriage is either in the process of growing better or growing apart. Just as a garden must have water and sunshine to thrive, so a marriage must continue to date to thrive. Absolutely no excuse over rides the need to continue to date each other long after the wedding day.
You are withholding communication. Communication is as fresh air in marriage. Failing to communicate is like jogging on top of Pike’s Peak some 15,000 feet above sea level. It is exhausting, painful and draining.
You are looking out for yourself more and more. This is a warning sign that your marriage is no longer functioning as a marriage. Whenever you stop functioning as a married person, your marriage falls apart. Marriage is where two people care more for each other than themselves. This is the oil that keeps marriage running smoothly. Don’t miss any warning signs in your marriage.
Allow me to mention a few of these warning signs:
You share the same house but fail to share your hearts deepest emotions. There is nothing more effective in keeping a couple intimate than open honest expression of the soul. Couples drift apart emotionally long before they drift apart physically. When you are holding back from your spouse you are holding back your deepest emotions of joy, dreams, struggles, and hurt. You are heading in the opposite direction of true intimacy with your spouse. Learning to be a safe listener to your spouse will keep honest and the deepest emotions flowing . A safe listener listens with their whole person, not just with their ears. A safe listener never laughs, scorns, mocks, or make light of what is being shared. A safe listener is engaged, asks questions, listens with empathy, and seeks to understand. Trouble is certain when a spouse finds a safer listener somewhere else than at home.
You are making decisions without first consulting with each other. Strong marriages consist of couples that respect each other’s opinion and input therefore make it a firm habit to consult each other before making decisions that affect their marriage, finances, and future. There is nothing that says, “You are not important to me” more than not being asked to be involved in decision making. The spouse who can make decisions without consulting their spouse has not become “one” with his/her spouse. An independent attitude in marriage is an open door for trouble sooner or later.
You are keeping score and record of who does more. This is a big warning sign. Keeping score and mental record of who does more, who tolerates more, who offends more is a sure recipe for trouble. In keeping score, your focus is wrong. Keeping score is not only negative focus and thinking, but is usually the fruit of failing to communicate effectively your feelings. Where there is a score board, there is little open communication.
You have found someone else easier to talk to. Nothing good can ever come out of finding someone else easier to talk to than your spouse. This warning sign means that you are already in trouble. Without stable and unwavering character from the one you find it easier to talk too, an affair is in the making because you are already cheating on your spouse.
You find yourself pushing each other’s buttons on purpose. No one knows each other’s weaknesses or buttons as married couples do. Taking advantage of each other’s buttons by deliberately pushing them just to make each other angry or to hurt each other creates distrust and resentment. Couples who keep their marriage strong learn to protect each other and avoid pushing each other’s buttons.
You are mentally and emotionally taking vacations away from each other. This warning sign follows failing to share with each other your deepest emotions and follows finding someone else easier to talk too. Therefore, by the time this sign shows up in a marriage, many other signs have already been ignored or overlooked. Remember, before divorce papers are served, mental and emotional divorce occurred long ago. Failing to recognize this warning sign is extremely costly.
You are no longer dating each other. There is simply no way to build a marriage without life-long dating. Your marriage is either in the process of growing better or growing apart. Just as a garden must have water and sunshine to thrive, so a marriage must continue to date to thrive. Absolutely no excuse over rides the need to continue to date each other long after the wedding day.
You are withholding communication. Communication is as fresh air in marriage. Failing to communicate is like jogging on top of Pike’s Peak some 15,000 feet above sea level. It is exhausting, painful and draining.
You are looking out for yourself more and more. This is a warning sign that your marriage is no longer functioning as a marriage. Whenever you stop functioning as a married person, your marriage falls apart. Marriage is where two people care more for each other than themselves. This is the oil that keeps marriage running smoothly. Don’t miss any warning signs in your marriage.
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