WHEN LOVE IS GONE, WHERE DOES IT GO:

Many married couples are trapped in loveless marriages and are only sticking together either for the sake of the children or for financial reasons, a survey has found.

The study of more than 2,000 people revealed that one-quarter of husbands and wives admit they are not "in love" with their partner.

And the same number admitted they only stay together for the sake of the children and would consider separating once the children leave home. One-third wished it had worked out with someone else instead, while one in five admitted that they have been unfaithful.

Another research also revealed that one in six wish they had not got married in the first place. But almost half still said that getting married was the best thing they ever did and three-quarters said they would still wholeheartedly advise young people to get married.

For unhappy couples, arguments over money, sex and spousal control were given as the main reasons cited for the breakdown in relationships. Finance was the number one reason, the survey found. One in five said they would end their marriage if they could guarantee they would be comfortable financially.

However, husbands and wives gave different reasons for staying in a loveless marriage. The number one reason to stay for women was that they would be unable to sustain themselves financially in the event of a split. Men said the negative impact a divorce would have on the family was their main reason for not leaving.

A newly wedded wife became disappointed in her husband who she thought was a much stronger and committed Christian. Soon after the wedding, the wife discovered that he wasn’t being the spiritual leader she dreamed and hoped for in a husband. Her response was to belittle him making him feel he was not very spiritual but a failure as a Christian husband. She could have responded correctly in prayer trusting God to change her husband and asking God what she could do, how and where she needed to change to help her husband become established as the spiritual leader she desired him to be. Instead, she became the problem, all the while blaming her husband. Within a year, she divorced him. She responded her way into divorce. She could have done just the opposite.

WRONG RESPONSES QUENCH LOVE: 

Your response to life each day determines what kind of days you have. Bad days are simply days in which you are responding to life wrongly. The power of choice is yours!

As long as you are focused upon the faults and behavior of your spouse, “You Will Remain the Problem.” Marriage counseling will always fail when the couple is out to change each other.

God will never talk to you about your spouse without first talking to you about YOU. Jesus actually implied this when He explained that if we have a problem with someone else (such as our spouse) in whom we see a spake in their eye that needs removing, first, before you address your spouse’s spake, seek to remove the log in your own eye. Biblical counsel sounds like this… “you” pray and “you” bless those who despitefully use you… “you” love your enemies… “you” do good to those who hurt you… “you” turn the other cheek. In other words, godly counseling addresses your response to being wronged before it ever considers the person who has wronged you.

Godly and wise marriage counseling is always about improving and correcting your own behavior and your own actions – not your spouse. Until you set out to change you, “you” will remain the problem. If “you” do not change, the problem will resurface again and again. 

 
By default, we are born into this world crying about our needs and wants. Many are well into their adult years and are still crying about their own rights, needs, wants, and feelings. The whole world to them revolves around them. But the joy of marriage will never be realized until you learn to love your spouse more than you love yourself.

But what if my spouse really is the problem? Remember, your spouse cannot be a problem to you if you are responding in love, compassion, and empathy. A wrong response to any issue with your spouse makes you the problem. Problems are created by wrong responses to issues or circumstances that arise within marriage.

Example: “My spouse never spends quality time with me. My spouse is always so busy and then comes home only to fall asleep on the couch.” This is definitely not good and can be a real issue. However, a problem will only arise when such an issue is addressed wrongly, and by the way, failing to address the issue early is indeed wrong and will create future problems that can be extremely hurtful.

Early effective communication expressing your need, desire and love for quality time with your spouse is an absolute must. This early communication will be void of months and years of bent up frustration and loneliness that more often is communicated in anger and resentment. Loving, thoughtful and creative responses to issues and negative circumstances will avoid creating unnecessary problems and conflict.

Allow me to say once again, when you respond to an issue or negative circumstance the wrong way, you become the problem, not the issue or circumstance. Any response from you to an issue in your marriage where your response includes anger, cursing, belittling, mocking, judging, and defensiveness makes YOU the problem. In troubled and failing marriages, you will discover a spouse that only sees and focuses upon the splinter in their mate’s eye. This is all they talk about. The splinter is all they see. The log in their own eye is rarely, if ever, considered. Without even knowing it, they become the problem.