DANGERS OF MARRIAGE MANIPULATIONS:

We all engage in manipulation from time to time. Manipulation can be subtle or manipulation can be very obvious. Regardless, manipulation is damaging to your marriage. What Is Manipulation?

Manipulation is the process of trying to change another person’s feelings, beliefs, or behaviors through indirect tactics. Rather than asking for what they want, manipulative people tend to use deception, coercion, even threats to get their needs met. Gary Chapman said. "At its worst, manipulation is simply an attempt by one spouse to control the other: 'You will do this, or else. ' Perhaps the 'or else' will induce sufficient fear in the spouse that he or she will acquiesce, but the change will be external and temporary. Real change comes from within, not by manipulating circumstances."

How are you aware if you are a manipulative husband or wife? When you use the following weapons to control your spouse: Withhold sex, Shame, Tears, Guilt, Withdrawal, Silent treatment, Pouting, Whining, Temper tantrum, Threats and ultimatums. Lying, Criticism and disapproval. Being vague, Blaming, Being coercive, Showing exaggerated disappointment and Withhold information.

Some reasons you may manipulate are: To punish, to control and dominate, to change your spouse, to get attention, to receive pity, to wear your spouse down, to put your spouse on a guilt trip, to get your own way, to make sure your own needs are met and other personal selfish motives.

When couples engage in manipulating one another, there will be the following consequences - Dissatisfaction, Frustration, Defensiveness, Resentment, Hurt, Lack of trust, Discontent and Sabotage.

How to Stop Manipulation in Your Marriage.
Recognize when you or your spouse manipulate and tell your spouse when you experience being manipulated. Be precise in describing the manipulation and your feelings.

Do not do as if the manipulation is no big deal. If you discover yourself manipulating, stop in mid-sentence. Be more precise in your questions or statements. If manipulation in your marriage continues, find a marriage counselor to help you both change the behavior.

Realize and accept that manipulation is emotional blackmail. It is a kind of emotional and verbal abuse. This unfair behavior has to be acknowledged and eliminated in your marriage.

Manipulation may seem like the easy or natural way to deal with a difficult issue or to have things the way you hope that they will, but in the long run, it isn't. Manipulation is hurtful and damaging to your marriage relationship. Your spouse deserves honest and loving communication.

THE WIFE WHO MANIPULATE DRIVES HER HUSBAND AWAY:
Women are prone to manipulating men and many are unaware that they are doing it. Most women tend to learn it from their mothers and other female relatives and are often unaware of how demeaning it is to their husbands. With some effort, a woman can learn to recognize manipulative behavior and substitute more healthy behavior patterns.Women often resort to shaming their husbands when they feel they are not getting enough love and attention from them. They do it by attacking their men in public and dropping hints about inadequacies such as financial strength, ability to repair things around the home and his performance in bed.

Withholding love encompasses withholding sex, friendship and communication. In effect, women give their husbands the cold shoulder. They commonly use this form of manipulation when their parents used it to discipline them as children. When their husband does something that displeases them, they resort to manipulation to punish him. Even if he figures out what he has done wrong and apologizes, she will hold him at arm’s length for several days. The result is a husband who walks on eggshells, afraid of offending his wife and suffering the consequences.

Men are moved by emotion and some women use this to their advantage. If they are losing an argument or want to do something their husband is not happy about, they turn on the tears. Others act like martyrs to try and gain pity and force attention from their husbands. These behavior patterns are damaging to a marriage and will ultimately drive their husbands further from them.

Most women manipulate to try and change something in their husbands. Due to upbringing and incorrect models, they imitate what they have seen other women do. The first step in changing this destructive behavior is learning to recognize it. This can be humbling and difficult but a wise woman will work on changing her responses and as her husband sees the changes, their marriage will begin to grow and strengthen.

OVERCOMING EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION. 

Emotional manipulation is defined as behavior that is intended to change the attitude or behavior of other people by using devious, deceptive or even abusive means. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where your husband/wife does something to harm you and during the course of the discussion about what happened and you find yourself apologizing to him/her, you’ve been emotionally manipulated.

Manipulation is not to be confused with persuasion. Persuasion gives you the right to choose your own response to a specific situation. In manipulation, there is only one “right” choice: theirs. And there will be hell to pay if you don’t choose it.

You can sense when you are being manipulated, when you notice you are feeling guilty or like you need to do something, even though you don’t want to. In addition, you may feel as if you are walking on eggshells with your partner, feeling that if I don’t do what he or she want, there will be a negative consequence from my partner.

Although we cannot change the way another person acts, we can change the way we respond to their behavior. If you find that are consistently getting into situations in which you are being manipulated, you can minimize its effect by establishing stronger boundaries, which will in turn increase your self-confidence. Healthy boundary setting differs from manipulation because in setting boundaries, we let go of our attachment to the outcome. Boundaries help us to protect ourselves and it is our right that we communicate directly to others when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us. Ultimately, if you find that you aren’t able to redefine the way you relate with your partner, you may need to redefine the relationship itself, including but not limited to actually leaving it.