DO NOT CONTROL YOUR HUSBAND OR RULE YOUR WIFE

In some marriages today, most women try to control their husbands and husbands try to rule over them. This control and ruling game started in Genesis after the Fall. It came as the result of sin. I want to unveil a deep mystery to you and proof that for wives to control their husbands and husbands to rule their wives is non-biblical and Satanic.

During a men's conference, Pastor Peter tells all the men to form two lines. In one line are the men CONTROLLED by their wives, and in the other line are the men who RULED their wives. The line with the men controlled by their wives is hundreds of miles long. The other line has only one man in it. Peter is angry. He says, "All you men should be ashamed of yourselves allowing your wives to control you. Look at this man, the only one who stood up like a man. Tell me, my son, how did you do it?" "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."

God did not intend that anyone should control or rule their partners in marriage. In fact, Jesus said just the opposite. "Jesus called them together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:42-45 (NIV)

People are not supposed to exercise authority harshly over one another or force other people to do their will. That is totally outside of the kingdom of God. And in Ephesians 5:21, before Paul starts writing specifically to the husband and wife, he begins his treatise on marriage like this: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ".

The Christian life is about serving each other. It is NOT about controlling any other person or demanding obedience. In fact, if anyone does that, then they are acting in an unchristian manner. They are not reflecting God; they are reflecting the enemy.

Therefore, your husband should not rule you, and he is acting non-biblical if he does. Likewise, your wife should not control you.

SUBMIT AND LEAD, NOT CONTROL AND RULE

The mandate of the husband is to LEAD like Christ, not RULE. Christ rule his enemy, but lead his church. This is why David said in Psalms 110:2 “The LORD shall send the rod of your strength out of Zion: rule you in the midst of your enemies”. Your wife is not your enemy. A man who rule his wife is treating her as an enemy, and not as covenant partners.

The wife is to submit as the church does to Christ and not to control her husband. The wife is the picture of the church. Just imagine the church controlling Christ; that will be Satanic.

Ephesians 5:21 says, "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God". Your individual submission to God will be reflected in your submission to each other in marriage. The phrase "In the fear of God” means you both are under the sovereignty of the Lord and will treat each other with respect as sons and daughters belonging to One Father. This means that if I have God's fear, I will not rule over (dominate) my wife and she will not control me. We will both be driven by the Word of God.

Ephesians 5:22 says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands, as unto the Lord". When you submit, you are not submitting to a man, but to the Lord in the man. This is why controlling and ruling is not fitting for couples.

The husband is to lead through the Word of God and the wife is to submit to the Word of God in her husband. This is God's pattern.

Understanding the Origin of Wife Controlling and Husband Ruling.

As God pronounces judgment on Eve for her part of the transgression in Eden, He says, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you” (Genesis 3:16). This verse causes some puzzlement. It would seem that a woman desiring her husband would be a good thing, and not a curse.

The most basic and straightforward understanding of this verse is that woman and man would now have ongoing conflict because of the Fall. In contrast to the ideal conditions in the Garden of Eden and the harmony between Adam and Eve, their relationship, from that point on, would include a power struggle I marriage. The NLT translation makes it more evident: “You will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”

God is saying that Eve would desire to control over her husband, but her husband would instead rule over her.

That was not God's original plan for Husband and Wife, it came because of sin. Since the Fall, wives always struggled to control their husbands and their husbands instead ruled over them.

God is saying that Eve would desire to control her husband, but her husband would instead rule over her. Replacing the mutually interdependent relationship the Lord had created was a desire for one spouse to lead the other. Sin had wrought discord. The battle of the sexes had begun.. Both man and woman would now seek the upper hand in marriage. The man who was to lovingly care for and nurture his wife would now seek to rule her, and the wife would desire to wrest control from her husband.

Through Jesus Christ, we are set free from the curse of Genesis 3:16. Through the grace of Jesus, husbands can love and lead their wives, and wives too can submit and respect their husbands.

Any wife controlling her husband and any husband ruling over his wife are under the influence of sin and demonic manipulation. Repent and ask God to forgive you.

THE ESSENTIALS OF FLEXIBILITY IN RELATIONSHIP

1 Corinthians 9:22 “To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some”.

Let’s begin by defining what flexibility is. The word “Flexibility” means “the ability to move naturally, change directions easily, and compromise when appropriate – is a wonderful quality”. Think what would happen if an airplane pilot refused to be flexible and change altitude or direction when advised of a dangerous weather system. Or think about what could happen if car drivers refused to let other people merge into their lanes. Or ponder what would happen if no one ever compromised.

It requires flexibility (and grace) to stop or alter a certain course of action, to allow others to merge in front of you, to see a situation from another’s perspective. Flexibility may be defined as “capable of being bent, usually without breaking; adaptable, willing to yield; pliable…. Pliant stresses an inherent quality or tendency to bend that does not require force or pressure from the outside” So true flexibility isn’t forced upon us (though sometimes we learn to be flexible the hard way). Flexibility is a natural quality that comes from within, from our true God-given nature.

It makes much more sense to be flexible – to “bend” rather than “break.” All we need to do is look at which trees survive storms – the ones that bend. And yet, sometimes we feel so compelled to hold onto our own way of thinking or acting; we are so convinced that our way is the right way; and we refuse to compromise at all. In such moments, we find ourselves at the point of breaking.

As earlier discussed, flexibility means “the quality of bending easily without breaking; the ability of a joint or series of joints to move through an unrestricted, pain free range of motion”.

Have you observed water?

It has no shape or form! It fits easily into whatever container you put it into.

Your relationship should also have the quality of water. Very flexible and adjustable.

Have you also watched the flow of water in a river? The water turns towards the curve, straightens when the course is straight, bubbles over the rock and flows according to the course of the river. A delight to watch!

Sure, we must be flexible like water in order for us to enjoy a peaceful relationship. And this is why the Bible compare peace with the flowing of water.

Your relationship with your spouse should also be like water in the river! Very pliable and easy flowing!

But if you are not flexible, it means you are inflexible like an iron.

Can iron have the flexibility of water?

Can it flow fluidly?

Can it fit into a container?

It cannot!

Why is it so?

The rigidity of iron makes it impossible to be pliable and flexible.

Most modern marriage relationships are as rigid and hard as iron. Not worth any happiness.

When you always one things to be done your ways in a relationship and you never value the ideas or plans of your partner, it means you are inflexible, domineering and rigid.

Being flexible and adjustable in relationship or married life is an aspect mostly ignored by modern couples. You are ready to fight rather than adjust. This is the topmost reason why you don’t enjoy your married life or relationship. You blame your spouse for your unhappiness and he\she blames you.

Why does this happen in most marriages?

It is because you are not adjustable and flexible in your relationship.

- You are rigid in your attitude towards your spouse.

- You want things done your way.

- Your spouse wants it done his\her way.

- Neither is ready to give in.

The result is bitter arguments and ugly quarrels between you.

When you are too focused on your own wishful thinking, your mind becomes rigid and unyielding in your interaction with your spouse. This rigidity in your married life makes you feel jailed and caged. You gasp for some freedom and liberty.

Would you describe yourself as a flexible person?  Flexibility in marriage means being open to each other’s plans and ideas, and being willing to go beyond the comfort zone where necessary. It also means getting over the idea that your desires are the most important consideration in the relationship and responding to the needs and desires of the other party.

However, being flexible doesn’t mean being weak or passive in order to avoid relationship problems. It is possible to be firm in your beliefs and flexible at the same time. You just have to remain open to new ideas and changes down the road.

Many of us have a hard time being flexible especially in the face of relationship problems. What we fail to realize is that our lack of flexibility often makes the situation worse. If you are going through a difficult time in your relationship or marriage, try being more flexible. Be open to your spouse’s ideas even if they are way out of your comfort zone. At the very least, the two of you will be able to brainstorm on possible solutions.

Flexibility is a learned skill, which requires a lot of practice. Thankfully, there is no better time to practice flexibility than when you are in a loving relationship.

FLEXIBILITY IS A SKILL

For many of us, how flexible we are in a situation depends on what kind of mood we are in, how attached we are to a certain belief or idea, or what fears we may feel about letting go of that belief or idea. But how many times have you seen that being inflexible has led to even greater stress or created more conflict in your relationship? And how many times have you seen that being flexible can help bring more peace, comfort and love?

That’s why being flexible is a conscious decision, and it is a skill that you must practice repeatedly in your relationships if you want to see the benefits. Often, individuals choose the path of resistance and refusal to change, because they equate being flexible with settling or weakness. But it is actually the opposite. You can still remain steadfast in your values and beliefs, you are just choosing to be open to your partner’s feelings and wishes and willing to make significant changes for the betterment of your relationship. That’s powerful and proactive, and it’s something that your partner will undoubtedly respect and admire.

FLEXIBILITY MEANS LETTING GO

*Let go of attachments* As adults, we are used to doing things a certain way and getting the specific outcomes; we are inherently rigid.  To be flexible, you must let go and stop wanting to control every little aspect of your life. This doesn’t mean detaching yourself from the situation and not caring. It means being willing to learn new ways of doing things to achieve the same or similar results.

Our attachment to things, to ideas and to certain views can make us rigid and unrelenting. By letting go of these attachments, we are not denying our beliefs and values, we are simply giving up the mandate that we must control every aspect of them. This practice is known as “non-attachment.” Non-attachment doesn’t mean being cold and callous. It is not the same as being detached. Rather, it simply means you are not holding on, you are not grasping. When you become non-attached, expectations and emotions will no longer control your life. And you will have a new sense of clarity that allows you to see the truth that lies at the heart of the matter, which ultimately helps you be more flexible with your partner.

FORGET ABOUT “BEING RIGHT”

*Be willing to be wrong* Everyone likes to be right. We are trained from a young age to always do the right thing which is why most of us are obsessed with how things are supposed to be. If you are willing to be wrong every once in a while, it reduces the pressure and enables you to approach life with a lot more flexibility. You are more likely to try new, creative and innovative things if you are not constantly worried about making a mistake.

When we are right, we feel good about ourselves. We feel validated and we feel that we have sound judgment. Granted, those are all positive things. But what do we get out of being right when we are in a relationship?

The need to be right leads to the need to win an argument. And the need to win an argument means your partner has to lose. And if you really care about your partner, why would you want them to lose?

When you let go of your need to be right, you open yourself up to a generative and exciting environment where both you and your partner can learn and grow together. This also creates a safe space in the relationship where both you and your partner can trust the other to engage in compassionate listening and effective communication techniques.

IN CONCLUSION

How can we know when to be flexible and when to be inflexible? It all has to do with what God is telling us, with our ability to listen and obey God’s guidance. Usually, we can follow this simple guideline: if it’s an issue regarding people, be flexible; if it’s an issue regarding principle, stand firm.

Here are some questions that can help us be flexible:

- Is this course of action from God? Or, is it just something I really want to do and am not really certain it’s God-sanctioned?

- Am I fighting against God or for God if I think or act a certain way?

- What will happen if I yield up my own plans or ideas?

And, perhaps more poignantly:

- What will happen if I refuse to be flexible – refuse to yield, to give up my own view of the situation, my own way of doing things, my own plans and follow God’s lead?

- If nothing else changes (for I can’t change others or alter outside circumstances), and if I don’t change my course of thought and action, what will the consequences be?

Answering these questions honestly and humbly should give us the desire and impetus to express flexibility. Jesus’ life shows us the value and power of flexibility. When we bend, we don’t break.

As we think more about Jesus’ flexibility, we realize that even when Jesus stood firm with principle, he still bent – but he bent to God’s will. Because he bent to God’s will, he was not broken. Rather, he rose. When we bend to God’s will, we find that we are able to stand strong and rise above situations that may seem to us like a cross. We, too, can claim our own resurrection.

GOD'S BLUEPRINT FOR YOUR HOME

 

In today's world, there are many conflicting voices vying for our attention when it comes to the subject of marriage. But if you are a follower of Christ, look no further than the Word of God. The God who made you, redeemed you, and loves you has already given you a glorious blueprint for marriage.

What is a blueprint? 

A blueprint is a guide for making something — it's a design or pattern that can be followed. A blueprint is a guide for making something — it's a design or pattern that can be followed.

If you’re planning to build a house, you can’t start the process without a blueprint.

The blueprint is the plan that a builder must have in order to build. It gives the builder a vision for what a house is supposed to look like. Without it, the construction crew wouldn’t know what to do. Walls might not meet. Rooms might not be where they are supposed to be. Important things like plumbing, wiring, and doorways might be placed wrong. The entire building could eventually collapse because it would be structurally unsound.

The same thing is true of your marriage. Without a blueprint, who knows how it would turn out! But thankfully, you HAVE a blueprint for your marriage.

God has a blueprint for building strong, successful Marriages and Families! He has clearly drawn out that blueprint in the Bible. God’s Word, the Bible provides God’s guidelines for you, the path for you to follow.

Psalm 119:105 says the Bible is “a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Right now, you can't see down the whole path for your life. The future is shrouded in darkness. But God’s Word is a light to that darkness! It can show you the way to go.

The Word gives you a vision for what your life is supposed to look like.

When you read the Bible, you learn how to walk through marriage journey, and how to walk out God’s specific plan for your family. Without it, your marriage could eventually collapse. The Bible is God talking to you. It is His Word to you, and His Word is His will.

Let’s review Gods Blueprint for marriage.

1. Gods Blueprint For Married Couples: It is Gods design and will that each married couple leave their parents, cleave to each other and become intimately involved (one flesh) with each other.

2. Gods Blueprint For Husbands: It is Gods design and will that each husband love his own wife and lead her.

3. Gods Blueprint For Wives: It is Gods design and will that each wife submit to her own husband and assist, aid and complete him.

4. Gods Blueprint For Communication: It is Gods design and will that family members listen and talk with each other often, within the context of self-control.

5. Gods Blueprint For Commitment: It is Gods design and will that each family member be committed to Christ, spouses be committed to each other, and parents be committed to their children.

6. Gods Blueprint For Parents: It is Gods design and will that each parent rear their children biblically, communicate with them constantly, and love them fervently.

7. Gods Blueprint For Children: It is Gods design and will that children obey and honor their parents when they are young and honor their parents when they are old.

As a home is built, it will reflect the builder.

Most couples fail to consult the Master Architect and His blueprints for building a home. Instead a man and woman marry with two sets of blueprints (his and hers). As they begin building, they discover that a home can’t be built from two very different sets of blueprints.

Some architect friends of mine once told me that the frustrating thing about being an architect is when people ask you to design a home for them, but you discover they've already designed it and just want your stamp of approval on the blueprints. Many Christians do the same with God when it comes to building a family. They try to design it themselves, then they plop it down and say, "Oh yeah, God, by the way, would You bless this?"

The smartest way to build a home is to discover the blueprint that the original architect already designed and stick with that. As Solomon wrote in Psalm 127, "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it" (v. 1). According to this psalm, a smart home—a family that depends on God—has four elements:

1. The designer. The Psalm begins by highlighting God because He is the divine architect of the home. Marriage, family, and love were all His idea (see Genesis 2:18). If any of these things were man's invention, then man could regulate them, nullify them, and redefine them all he wanted. But because they were all God's idea, they're subject to His principles.

2. The builders. Verse 1 indicates that the divine builder is God, but it also includes human builders—they, the ones in the home. Life is lived at its best when you build alongside the Lord using His design. Psalm 127 goes on to describe what these human builders are building: relationships. You can build projects for temporal profit (see v. 2), or you can build people for spiritual, eternal profit (see vv. 3-5). You can do both, but if you have to choose one, the second is much more preferable.

3. The dwellers. The smart home comprises a man (see v. 5) and his wife and children (see vv. 3-4). But the Lord is also mentioned as being part of this unit. He builds and "guards the city" (v. 1) and gives the inhabitants sleep (see v. 2). What that tells me is God wants to be part of every aspect of your family's life. He doesn't want to be confined to Sunday mornings and the Bible on the nightstand. The Lord wants you to enjoy life (see 1 Timothy 6:17) and enjoy Him in your life.

4. The Enjoyers. Speaking of enjoyment, let's end with the enjoyers. "Happy is the man who has his quiver full of [arrows]" (v. 5), or children. Happy comes from a Hebrew word that means blissful, contented, or satisfied. That's what a smart home does: it makes happy people. So, happy is the man, happy is his wife, and happy are his children in the home because the Lord has designed it, the Lord has helped them build it, and the Lord has strengthened, provided for, and protected it.

I am reminded of what we read in Matthew 7:24-27 Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: 25 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. 26 And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: 27 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.

Marriages that last, and families that are strong, build according to Gods Blueprint. Building on any other foundation is like building on the sand.

Are you building according to the divine architect's plans? And have you invited Him to be part of every area of your home? You'll discover the thrill of Him providing for and protecting your relationships today, and you'll be able to rest in the promise of joining Him in His everlasting home for all eternity.

Now is the right time to invite God and allow Him to build our home. Once we give up our individual blueprints and surrender to God's blueprint, our home will be a happy haven on Earth.

When you follow God's blueprint for marriage, Satan's schemes will have no power.

THE “AGE GAP FACTORS” IN CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

 

It’s pretty common to date someone who’s a few years younger or older than you, and often the age difference is no big deal. Sometimes, maturity levels match, even when ages don’t. But when the age difference is bigger, there are other things to consider.

An age difference of a few years may not seem like an issue, but things such as expectations, priorities and general interests can change quickly as you get older.

Is there a Biblical or acceptable age gap that should characterize a Christian marriage or dating?

The Bible rarely gives us age examples in regards to marriage. We do know that Abraham was 10 years older than Sarah. The Bible tells us, “Then Abraham fell on his face and laughed and said to himself, ‘Shall a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old? Shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?’” (Genesis 17:17). While we are given this example, there are no other examples in the Bible where both individuals’ ages are given. It is often assumed that Joseph was significantly older than Mary. However, there is absolutely nothing in the Bible that indicates this.

It can also be inferred that Boaz and Ruth had a significant age difference in today’s world standards.

“Then he (Boaz) said, ‘May you be blessed of the LORD, my daughter. You have shown your last kindness to be better than the first by not going after young men, whether poor or rich” (Ruth 3:10). In searching the Bible for documented marriages, we don’t find any that can sway us into an accurate direction or give us an idea as to what God may be leading us to.

While the Bible doesn’t explicitly give guidelines when dating with an age difference, there are a few things you should consider:

Know How to Handle Criticism

While age differences can create some challenges in your relationship, focusing too much on that can backfire. Although you should have a good understanding of generational differences, blaming every disagreement to your partner’s age can leave you both feeling self-conscious and misunderstood. If you frequently tell your partner his or her age difference doesn’t matter, your partner might end up feeling like age is in fact a significant issue, or even that you’re in a relationship specifically because of the age difference. It is true that sometimes a significant age gap makes a relationship impossible, but age shouldn’t dominate your relationship and should only be addressed when it’s relevant.

Be Prepared to Handle Generational Differences

No matter how understanding you are, it’s very likely that you’re going to bump up against some generational differences. This can show up in many forms including having different political views. You may find each other’s music obnoxious, friends irritating, or have no understanding of historical events that profoundly influenced your partner’s viewpoint. On the other hand, a big age difference provides you with valuable opportunities to learn about alternative perspectives and experiences.

Understand Your Reasons

Before you begin a relationship with someone who is much older or younger than you, it’s important to make a careful assessment of your motivations. Love knows no age, but if you date only people who are members of a different generation, it might reveal something about your approach to relationships. While people who date only people much younger or older than them owe no one an explanation, it may be helpful to know the underlying reason.

Some who date only much older people may be seeking a parental figure more than a romantic partner. They may be insecure about finances and because of that want to be with someone established in his or her career. If you have a history of dating people who are significantly younger than you, you may feel like your partner admires your experience, or perhaps you’re just not physically attracted to other people your age. A significant age difference doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything wrong, but a long-standing pattern may be worth examining.

MY ADVICE ON AGE GAP

Age can be an important factor in a marriage, but it is a far less important than other issues like salvation, spiritual maturity and compatibility. As people get older, age difference means less and less. For example, a 40-year-old marrying a 20-year-old will be questioned by many, but people may not think twice when an 80-year-old is marrying a 60-year-old. The only warning regarding age in marriage is to avoid marrying someone young for lustful purposes, and avoid marrying someone older for money.

The best way to determine what God wants for you in your relationship life is to seek Him. Pray to God for wisdom concerning your marriage. The only way to determine if you’re making the right choice is by aligning yourself with the One who created you. Only then can you understand what God wants for you. No one else can tell you what is best for you than God through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Know When the Difference is Too Large

A large age difference can undermine the long-term viability of your relationship. If you want to have children, you’ll have to consider whether fertility will be an issue and whether you or your partner will be around long enough to raise your kids. Age differences can also mean pretty significant differences in lifestyles. If you have an established career but your partner is still living with his or her parents, you could be in for quite a ride.

 

COMMUNICATION FACTORS IN MARRIAGE

A good marriage thrives on the positive interaction. In fact, communication is one of the most important aspects of a satisfying marriage. Most marriages go through rough times, which can change the way spouses communicate with each other. Many couples develop bad habits and create destructive patterns when things aren’t going well.

The major causes of marriage failure is as the result of *negative interaction*. How couples interact with each other can either build or destroy their marriage.

In communication, there are positive interaction

(i.e. listening, validating the other person, using soft words, expressing appreciation, affirmation, physical affection, compliments, etc.) as there are negative interaction (i.e. raising one’s voice, stating a complaint, or expressing one’s anger).

DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE LISTENING

Someone has pointed out that man has one mouth and two ears and that this is probably a good indication of the fact that man has been designed to do more listening and less talking.

Young married couples should begin their life together by keeping open, at all costs, the lines of communication. However, it often happens that communication lines are down. These breaks in communication are often a result of one of two things:

1. Husband or wife not being able or willing to talk about what’s happening in his/her life.

2. Marriage partners not really listening when the other talks.

James 1:19“...Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (NIV)

“....It is best to listen much, speak little,......” (TLB)

Too many of us are ready talkers, but we have little or no desire to listen. Yet one of the keys to a successful marriage is wanting to hear your spouse out. This will help to build your spouse’s self-esteem. (A person’s self-esteem is his overall judgement of himself - how much he likes his particular person). When a spouse’s self-esteem is high, he/she will feel important, wanted and loved and as a result will be a better marriage partner.

COMMUNICATION IS THE SHARING OF MEANING

Let me challenge you this morning.

i). Is communication with your spouse difficult for you?

ii). Does your spouse appear to have difficulty to understand what you mean?

iii). How do you think your spouse would describe your ability to communicate?

Poor communication can lead to all kinds of misunderstandings. This is certainly true in marriage. The number one issue that can cripple a married couple’s relationship is poor communication. It doesn’t take long for the honeymoon to fade and the consequences of poor communication to appear. Couples wake up to the hard, cold reality: “We don’t talk as much as we used to. We fight more than ever, and I feel like we are growing apart. I don’t know who you are anymore.”

First, let me tell you what communication is not. Communication is not just talking. Too many people think that communication is just running their mouth! Real communication involves talking but it also involves much more. Neither is communication just listening. Some people never express how they feel or what they think. They just passively listen and never genuinely respond.

So what is communication? Communication is the sharing of meaning. A husband and wife have not communicated until meaning has been shared. One sends a certain message and the other understands that message. That is communication.

The elements of communication are *talking, listening and understanding.

One of the key problems in communicating is making yourself understood. A placard frequently seen posted on office walls reads:

“I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

We often do think we understand what our spouse is saying, but often what we heard is not what he/she means at all.

The fact is that when you talk with another person there are actually six messages that can come through.

1. What you mean to say.

2. What you actually say,

3. What the other person hears.

4. What the other person thinks he or she hears.

5. What the other person says about what you said.

6. What you think the other person said about what you said.

NOTE: Don't wait until you get married before you apply this message. If you are not yet married, you are in a better position to develop effective communication skills before you tie the knot.

IS LOVE BLIND?

 

"Love is blind", they say. For love to flourish, they say, our eyes must be closed to seeing ugly truth. Our ears must be plugged to hearing disturbing truth. Our minds must be shut to knowing unsettling truth.

So many of us, even in the Body of Christ, go through our lives believing "love is blind". We build marriages on the foundation of infatuation not information because "love is blind". We maintain friendships by playing games not sharing grace because "love is blind." We present ourselves to the world dressed in emotional clothing that covers our scars because "love is blind." We even lie to each other in the Body of Christ about the ugliness, pain and suffering in our hearts because "love is blind." We may live our entire existence convinced that if people saw us as we are they could never love us as we desire because after all "love is blind."

Then we wonder why 50% of our marriages still fail, even in the Body of Christ. We question why our friendships remain so shallow while our hearts still hurt. We don't understand why we weekly leave the Sanctuary of God with our spirits still bleeding and our sins still cutting. We don't understand why we stay intimate strangers with each other even after years of sitting in the same church pews right next to each other.

It is because that love which we've been told is blind isn't love at all but a lie. The love that is really love does not live in the dark.

LOVE IS NOT BLIND

God is love. If we believe "love is blind", does that means "God is also blind"? Love is not blind; lust is blind, love sees. It sees beyond the natural and understand the language of the soul.

Once in a marriage counseling session, I asked a young woman how in the world she got involved with such a miserable man.

Her response was, “I guess love is blind.” I quickly pointed out that true love is never blind. Love sees things and people the way they really are, not the way it wants to see them. And love can only see through the eyes of God. If you are not in God, your eyes will be full of darkness and you can't see beyond the natural.

What makes us blind are our passions and our attachments to people and things.

No one is blinder than the passionate or lustful person, except maybe the person who is attached to something or someone.

You're attached to something or someone when you believe that you cannot be happy without that person or thing in your life.

Because of our passions and attachments, we often fail to see the imperfection in the very people and things which are making us unhappy.

In the end, they make us miserable instead of happy.

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT CHECK YOUR PARTNERS PHONE

Is it Ever OK To Check Your Partner's Phone?

The long and short of it: No, it's generally not OK. It's a violation of your partner's privacy and a breach of trust ― not to mention, it's often unproductive: You might find nothing and then feel like a jerk for snooping. You might find something small and innocent and blow it out of proportion.

At times, it can be a tempting idea to check your lover’s phone and see what all is happening in their digital world. Who are the people they have been recently chatting with, what all apps they are using, what’s in their search history or photo gallery—your lover’s phone might have something that can take you by surprise, right? Well, you can easily snoop on your significant other’s phone when he is not around but is it healthy for your relationship?

Here are a few things you should know before you check your partner's phone:

Respect Your Partner’s Privacy

First, checking your partner’s phone without their permission can be a violation of their privacy. Ask yourself how would you feel if you find your lover secretly prying on your mobile and reading every text you exchanged with your friends and family members? In fact, this urge to check your partner’s phone may indicate that all is not well in your relationship:

- You might be a controlling partner.

- You might be insecure.

Are There Trust Issues?

Going through your partner’s phone might mean you are feeling insecure in your relationship or thinking your partner is hiding something from you. While snooping on his or her phone might momentarily seem like a good idea but it only creates problem in the long run. There is a high probability that you might even end up making assumptions or misinterpreting conversations.

When You Are Tempted To Check Your Partner's Phone

In case you feel tempted to check your partner’s phone, it is best to ask yourself a few questions. What is urging me to do this? Will this help to improve our relationship? How can I do this so that it helps to build trust in our relationship rather than distrust?  Reflecting on these questions will surely help you to gain clarity about your relationship.

Communication is the solution.

If you feel your partner has been acting secretive or different in the recent past, you should bring up this topic and have a candid conversation. Tell him or her what all you have been feeling and try not to accuse your partner. Discussing the matter is surely a more mature way to approach a problem in a relationship. Most importantly, it will save you from overthinking and making assumptions, and you will give your partner a chance to respond to all your queries.

It Also Depends Upon Your Equation.

Checking your partner’s phone without his or her knowledge can be an intrusion in their personal space but every couple shares a different equation. To the unmarried, I will never advice you to share password. But to the married, it's healthy to be transparent with your phone. My wife and I knows each other's password, and I am free to use her phone anytime, yet I have never gone through her text messages or find out whom she is talking with. I have no reason to suspect or mistrust her. We are so free and walk as One Being. Many unmarried are comfortable sharing their passwords with each other and letting their partner go through their phone without their consent but this arrangement can only work if they strike a mutual understanding on this subject. But again, expecting privacy is also justified and healthy in a relationship.