She got married few years ago and the abuse she is experiencing from her husband has become unbearable. She had two miscarriages as a result of his beaten. He also stop her from working so that he will control the family finance. Both of them are like strangers living in the same room. So, she asked me,"Pastor Jabari, should I divorce him or what will I do? My parent and friends have talked to him but still there is no change. My church said, I must submit to him no matter the abuse. Things are getting worse and I am afraid, he might kill me someday".
Well, I must say when I read several of such messages in my inbox, my heart broke for the ungodly counsel that some wives are receiving from the Church! Abuse is so contrary to Scripture and here’s why. The Gospel message is a message of love. Jesus Christ IS love. He embodies it. It’s who He is. Therefore, when a church does not frown upon abuse in marriage, then they don’t understand the love of Christ. They don’t understand what a biblical marriage looks like and they don’t realize how what they are advocating is bringing shame upon the love that Christ has for His children. And yes, God who hates divorce said in the same verse that He hates a husband covering himself with violence (abuse).
"I HATE divorce," says the Lord God of Israel, "and I HATE a man's covering himself with VIOLENCE as well as with his garment," says the Lord Almighty. Mal. 2: 15.
If God would advocate abuse in marriage, then why on earth would a woman want to get married and subject herself to such nonsense? The logic here doesn’t add up. And let’s not forget that God is not the author of confusion. "For God is not the author of confusion but of peace". 1 Cor. 14:33. God can not endorse and embrace abuse in marriage because it contradicts His character. And since marriage is designed to represent Christ, the teachings of such churches embracing abuse is heretical and it is blasphemous to the Word of God.
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” John 13:34
“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.” John 15:9
“This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” John 15:12
“These things I command you, that you love one another.” John 15:17
Based on these verses, the case could be argued that a husband who beats his wife, rape or deny her sex is not a believer. It’s already been established that God is a God of love and therefore He doesn’t approve of abuse! So let’s get that straight right now!
God has never given the husband the right to force his wife to do anything.
Yes, our bodies belong to our spouse but that doesn’t mean they can violate us. Here what the Bible says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ". Ephesians 5:21 And in 1 Cor. 7:3, Paul said, "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband". There’s absolutely NO affection given to the wife when she is being abuse or denied sexual intercourse.
A wife does not have to stay in an abusive marriage, nor should she! She can get out and separate from her husband. This does not mean she is divorcing him. It merely means she is establishing boundaries and protecting herself and/or her children. The abusive husband needs to be held accountable and he needs to get help. If he truly has a repentant heart, then the couple could seek reconciliation. If the husband is unrepentant then he’ll most likely seek to satisfy his lusts by being unfaithful to his wife while they are separated. And if he is unfaithful, the wife is no longer bound to him and she could then seek a divorce without being outside of the will of God.
Well, I must say when I read several of such messages in my inbox, my heart broke for the ungodly counsel that some wives are receiving from the Church! Abuse is so contrary to Scripture and here’s why. The Gospel message is a message of love. Jesus Christ IS love. He embodies it. It’s who He is. Therefore, when a church does not frown upon abuse in marriage, then they don’t understand the love of Christ. They don’t understand what a biblical marriage looks like and they don’t realize how what they are advocating is bringing shame upon the love that Christ has for His children. And yes, God who hates divorce said in the same verse that He hates a husband covering himself with violence (abuse).
"I HATE divorce," says the Lord God of Israel, "and I HATE a man's covering himself with VIOLENCE as well as with his garment," says the Lord Almighty. Mal. 2: 15.
If God would advocate abuse in marriage, then why on earth would a woman want to get married and subject herself to such nonsense? The logic here doesn’t add up. And let’s not forget that God is not the author of confusion. "For God is not the author of confusion but of peace". 1 Cor. 14:33. God can not endorse and embrace abuse in marriage because it contradicts His character. And since marriage is designed to represent Christ, the teachings of such churches embracing abuse is heretical and it is blasphemous to the Word of God.
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” John 13:34
“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.” John 15:9
“This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” John 15:12
“These things I command you, that you love one another.” John 15:17
Based on these verses, the case could be argued that a husband who beats his wife, rape or deny her sex is not a believer. It’s already been established that God is a God of love and therefore He doesn’t approve of abuse! So let’s get that straight right now!
God has never given the husband the right to force his wife to do anything.
Yes, our bodies belong to our spouse but that doesn’t mean they can violate us. Here what the Bible says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ". Ephesians 5:21 And in 1 Cor. 7:3, Paul said, "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband". There’s absolutely NO affection given to the wife when she is being abuse or denied sexual intercourse.
A wife does not have to stay in an abusive marriage, nor should she! She can get out and separate from her husband. This does not mean she is divorcing him. It merely means she is establishing boundaries and protecting herself and/or her children. The abusive husband needs to be held accountable and he needs to get help. If he truly has a repentant heart, then the couple could seek reconciliation. If the husband is unrepentant then he’ll most likely seek to satisfy his lusts by being unfaithful to his wife while they are separated. And if he is unfaithful, the wife is no longer bound to him and she could then seek a divorce without being outside of the will of God.
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