She came to me crying, "Pastor Jabari, I was living under a lie for two years until this morning that the secret spilled out. My husband pregnant a lady before dating me and she is carrying a baby for him. He never told me about it until this morning that the lady came to demand cash for their baby's up-keeping. Why did he lie to me?". I believe, this has been the cry of many in relationships.
In each instance there were three common denominators: fear, arrogance, and selfishness. Fear says, I will lie because I'm afraid of the consequence of telling the truth. A lie is a cowardly way of dealing with, or not dealing with an issue. Lying because you're afraid of a presumed consequence is foolish because the repercussion of a lie is worse than the consequence you thought you were avoiding. Arrogance says, I will lie because I should not have to deal with the consequence of telling the truth. When a husband lies to his wife he is in effect saying that she is not worthy of being told the truth. Selfishness says, I will lie because the consequence of telling the truth may get in the way of what I want to do. Lying to your spouse is a blatant disregard of God's mandate to put the needs and interests of your partner above your own.
When you lie to your partner you loses three things: trust, security and respect. Trust is built on truth. When a you consistently does the good and right things that you says you will do, you will gain or regain your spouse trust. Speaking the truth is one of the most loving things we can do in marriage or relationship. When a man lies, his word loses weight and the weight of a man's word anchors his integrity. When a husband lies, his wife is no longer sure that his yes means yes and his no means no. Now she questions what he says. His lie has sown seeds of doubt in the marriage and the fruit of doubt is distrust. God requires the wife to forgive her husband for lying to her, but God does not require her to trust him. Trust is earned, and it is earned by a consistent commitment to being truthful over time.
A husband is supposed to be the loving leader of his wife, but when a husband lies to his wife he is misleading her making it difficult for her to follow his leadership. She no longer feels safe because the one who has been set in place for her protection has caused her to feel vulnerable and made a fool of. The husband will reap the fear he has sown through the insecurity his lie has cultivated within his wife.
I believe that every husband wants to be his wife's hero. He wants to stand tall in her eyes; he wants her respect. But if through a lie he has shown her no consideration, it will be difficult for her to show him consideration. If through a lie he has not esteemed her, it will be difficult for her to esteem him. A lie is one of the most disrespectful things a husband can do to his wife, and as he robs her of respect by lying to her, he will rob himself of her respect.
In each instance there were three common denominators: fear, arrogance, and selfishness. Fear says, I will lie because I'm afraid of the consequence of telling the truth. A lie is a cowardly way of dealing with, or not dealing with an issue. Lying because you're afraid of a presumed consequence is foolish because the repercussion of a lie is worse than the consequence you thought you were avoiding. Arrogance says, I will lie because I should not have to deal with the consequence of telling the truth. When a husband lies to his wife he is in effect saying that she is not worthy of being told the truth. Selfishness says, I will lie because the consequence of telling the truth may get in the way of what I want to do. Lying to your spouse is a blatant disregard of God's mandate to put the needs and interests of your partner above your own.
When you lie to your partner you loses three things: trust, security and respect. Trust is built on truth. When a you consistently does the good and right things that you says you will do, you will gain or regain your spouse trust. Speaking the truth is one of the most loving things we can do in marriage or relationship. When a man lies, his word loses weight and the weight of a man's word anchors his integrity. When a husband lies, his wife is no longer sure that his yes means yes and his no means no. Now she questions what he says. His lie has sown seeds of doubt in the marriage and the fruit of doubt is distrust. God requires the wife to forgive her husband for lying to her, but God does not require her to trust him. Trust is earned, and it is earned by a consistent commitment to being truthful over time.
A husband is supposed to be the loving leader of his wife, but when a husband lies to his wife he is misleading her making it difficult for her to follow his leadership. She no longer feels safe because the one who has been set in place for her protection has caused her to feel vulnerable and made a fool of. The husband will reap the fear he has sown through the insecurity his lie has cultivated within his wife.
I believe that every husband wants to be his wife's hero. He wants to stand tall in her eyes; he wants her respect. But if through a lie he has shown her no consideration, it will be difficult for her to show him consideration. If through a lie he has not esteemed her, it will be difficult for her to esteem him. A lie is one of the most disrespectful things a husband can do to his wife, and as he robs her of respect by lying to her, he will rob himself of her respect.
In conclusion, we do reap what we sow. When a husband lies he sows distrust, disrespect, and insecurity into his marriage, and he will surely reap it. When a husband lies to his wife he is acting treacherously towards her. God says when a husband acts treacherously towards his wife, He won't regard that husband or readily accept anything from him. If God won't, it's likely the wife won't either. Husbands, if you want your wife to trust you, don't lie to her. If you want your wife to follow you, don't mislead her. If you want your wife to respect you, honor her enough to tell her the truth. It is a big deal.
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