DANGERS OF FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS: I was once a victim.

The Urban dictionary defines "Friends with Benefit" as two friends (male & female) who are too close to one another and have a sexual realtionship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a relationship or marriage commitment.

Don't have a false hope that having sex with a friend will make him or her fall in love with you. They will only use you and dump you. And once you get pregnant, the only option is to keep a fatherless baby and bear the burden alone or abort the baby and then live with guilt while the guy move on with his life, probablly with his girlfriend.

Having a friend of benefit will keep away potential suitors from you. Well, many years ago, I was one of them—a professing young believer battling lust and looking for love. As a result, I found myself caught up in this tangled “friend with benefits” web. I thought having a casual friend who could also meet emotional and sometimes physical needs for me would help me coast through life until the right one came along. So, I met a desperate and lonely Christian sister who has no boyfriend. I felt like I was in no condition for a real relationship anyway, but we became close friends. After a short period of time, we ended up having sex without any commitment. Finally she got pregnant. And guess what? We aborted the pregnancy.

I was in a mess and didn’t even know it! It affected my relationship with God until I cried for repentance and also asked the lady to forgive me. I suffered spiritually and truly damaged relationships. Now that I have learned the painful lessons from my own past mistakes, I can assure you; this is not the route you want to go. Avoid the friends with benefits scenario at all costs for both spiritual and practical reasons:

SPIRITUAL REASON: Sex outside of marriage is sin plain and simple. It is better to wait for marriage than to displease the Lord. 1 Thessalonians 4:3 says “It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality.” Countless other scriptures urge you to abstain until marriage and avoid the sexual compromise that pulls you away from God and connects you to men God never intended you to be with intimately.

PRACTICAL REASON: You're setting your friendship up for an epic fall. For many reasons, after casual sex, the dynamics of that friendship change and it becomes forever warped. You have to stand your ground if you don’t want lust to dominate and destroy your friendship. If you care about your friend, it’s better to keep your relationship free from TOO MUCH CLOSENESS so you won’t complicate things by undermining the bond of trust and loyalty the two of you have built together.

Any time a woman compromises her self- worth and degrades her value, she becomes a candidate for these things. And it is very much possible to lead yourself down this destructive path by giving benefits to your friend that should be tied to a marital commitment. At some point, you’ll begin to wonder why the relationship can never grow into anything else You’ll inwardly suffer and sink emotionally into a deep black hole where guilt, self-pity, and sadness await you. Don’t devalue your worth by opening yourself up to such emotional turmoil.

The friends-with-benefits-game is not something I would encourage anyone to play. Instead, value your friend and yourself by abstaining from premarital sex. There are many more ways you can get to know someone and enjoy what could be a lasting friendship without taking it there. If you feel things are going in another direction, ask God to help you do the right thing. And remember, real friends provoke each other to do good (Hebrews 10:24) and avoid hurtful unhealthy practices.

There is very interesting scientific facts about what “hooking up” or getting too close to the opposit sex can produce. When we become emotionally attach to man or woman, our brain activates chemicals called dopamine and oxytocin. These hormones are released during sex. Both create a lasting addiction that tie you emotionally to the other person and create a bond—one that was meant for marriage. And yet, women wonder why they just can't let him go or can’t get him out of their mind. 1 Corinthians 6:16 tells us “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." This means, you are becoming a part of that person by having sex with them. Ignore this truth if you want to and you’ll end up playing Juanita Bynum’s “No More Sheets” DVD and waling at the throne to be released from all those unhealthy soul ties. Trust me. It’s not worth the pain you’ll endure. So leave that sexual connection where it’s supposed to be—inside marriage.