HOPE FOR WOMEN IN AN ABUSIVE MARRIAGE:

She got married few years ago and the abuse she is experiencing from her husband has become unbearable. She had two miscarriages as a result of his beaten. He also stop her from working so that he will control the family finance. Both of them are like strangers living in the same room. So, she asked me,"Pastor Jabari, should I divorce him or what will I do? My parent and friends have talked to him but still there is no change. My church said, I must submit to him no matter the abuse. Things are getting worse and I am afraid, he might kill me someday".

Well, I must say when I read several of such messages in my inbox, my heart broke for the ungodly counsel that some wives are receiving from the Church! Abuse is so contrary to Scripture and here’s why. The Gospel message is a message of love. Jesus Christ IS love. He embodies it. It’s who He is. Therefore, when a church does not frown upon abuse in marriage, then they don’t understand the love of Christ. They don’t understand what a biblical marriage looks like and they don’t realize how what they are advocating is bringing shame upon the love that Christ has for His children. And yes, God who hates divorce said in the same verse that He hates a husband covering himself with violence (abuse).

"I HATE divorce," says the Lord God of Israel, "and I HATE a man's covering himself with VIOLENCE as well as with his garment," says the Lord Almighty. Mal. 2: 15. 

If God would advocate abuse in marriage, then why on earth would a woman want to get married and subject herself to such nonsense? The logic here doesn’t add up. And let’s not forget that God is not the author of confusion. "For God is not the author of confusion but of peace". 1 Cor. 14:33. God can not endorse and embrace abuse in marriage because it contradicts His character. And since marriage is designed to represent Christ, the teachings of such churches embracing abuse is heretical and it is blasphemous to the Word of God. 

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” John 13:34

“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.” John 15:9
“This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” John 15:12

“These things I command you, that you love one another.” John 15:17

Based on these verses, the case could be argued that a husband who beats his wife, rape or deny her sex is not a believer. It’s already been established that God is a God of love and therefore He doesn’t approve of abuse! So let’s get that straight right now!

God has never given the husband the right to force his wife to do anything. 

Yes, our bodies belong to our spouse but that doesn’t mean they can violate us. Here what the Bible says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ". Ephesians 5:21 And in 1 Cor. 7:3, Paul said, "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband". There’s absolutely NO affection given to the wife when she is being abuse or denied sexual intercourse.

A wife does not have to stay in an abusive marriage, nor should she! She can get out and separate from her husband. This does not mean she is divorcing him. It merely means she is establishing boundaries and protecting herself and/or her children. The abusive husband needs to be held accountable and he needs to get help. If he truly has a repentant heart, then the couple could seek reconciliation. If the husband is unrepentant then he’ll most likely seek to satisfy his lusts by being unfaithful to his wife while they are separated. And if he is unfaithful, the wife is no longer bound to him and she could then seek a divorce without being outside of the will of God.

LET GO, IF THE RELATIONSHIP IS UNHEALTHY:

“There comes a time in your life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy.” ~ Karl Marx

I have been in a toxic relationship for a year and I know how challenging it may be to find the courage and strength to tell yourself: “I’ve had enough. There has to be a better way. I deserve better than this. We both do” and to finally let go of someone you once loved, and maybe still do.

Holding on to toxic relationships keeps you from growing. Don’t get me wrong, I love challenges and I have this incredible ability to turn every experience, whether good or bad, into a valuable life lesson, but this doesn’t mean that I should make my life harder by clinging on to toxic relationships and drama. I believe that things should flow and they should be easy, and when they aren’t, that means something is wrong.

After being in an unhealthy relationship, I have learned that if a relationship is hard, if it’s stressful, and if it takes a lot of energy and effort to try to make it work, you have to let it go, for the sake of both parties.

I came to the conclusion that if a relationships doesn’t make you a better person, if it doesn’t challenge you to grow and evolve into a happier and more loving human being, it is not worth holding on to. If a relationship makes you bitter, but not better, then you are in the wrong one. Robert Tew said, “Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.” 

You let go of a toxic and unhealthy relationship not because you are weak, not because you no longer love the other person, but because you are strong enough to understand that there are times when two people will be a lot happier if they go separate ways than if they stay together. There comes a time in our lives when we have to do what’s right and to honor not only ourselves, but also the people around us.

Don’t make the same mistake I have made. Don’t cling on to unnecessary pain. If it hurts and is a constant struggle… If it’s hard and makes you unhappy, then you need to just let go. Life is too short to be anything but happy. One of the simplest ways to stay happy is to just let go of the things that makes you sad.
There is something so beautiful, so powerful and so unique in each and every one of us and the more we cling on to toxic relationships, the harder it will be for us to tap into our own greatness. Detach, let go and learn to love yourself for who you are and not for who others want you to be.

Remember, it’s the relationship that you are letting go of but not the love you have for the other person. I still care about my ex girlfriend and I know that I will love her for as long as I live, but that doesn’t mean that we should be together. We tried, it didn’t work and we had to let it go, and I hope you will find the strength and courage to do the same.

 

Way too many people cling on to toxic and unhealthy relationships just because they think that without the other person they will be nothing and their life will be worthless. Total nonsense! I used to think that way as well. I used to believe that if me and my girlfriend broke up, my life would be worthless and that nothing would make sense anymore, but guess what? Ever since I managed to let go, my life became more meaningful than ever and you know why? Because I have learned to love and appreciate myself and to stop looking for my “salvation” somewhere out there, in other people. Believe me when I say that who you are is more than enough and that you don’t need another person to complete you, but to help you see how beautiful you already are and how much you have to offer.

WHY DO PEOPLE LIE IN RELATIONSHIP? WHAT ARE THE EFFECTS?

She came to me crying, "Pastor Jabari, I was living under a lie for two years until this morning that the secret spilled out. My husband pregnant a lady before dating me and she is carrying a baby for him. He never told me about it until this morning that the lady came to demand cash for their baby's up-keeping. Why did he lie to me?". I believe, this has been the cry of many in relationships.

In each instance there were three common denominators: fear, arrogance, and selfishness. Fear says, I will lie because I'm afraid of the consequence of telling the truth. A lie is a cowardly way of dealing with, or not dealing with an issue. Lying because you're afraid of a presumed consequence is foolish because the repercussion of a lie is worse than the consequence you thought you were avoiding. Arrogance says, I will lie because I should not have to deal with the consequence of telling the truth. When a husband lies to his wife he is in effect saying that she is not worthy of being told the truth. Selfishness says, I will lie because the consequence of telling the truth may get in the way of what I want to do. Lying to your spouse is a blatant disregard of God's mandate to put the needs and interests of your partner above your own.

When you lie to your partner you loses three things: trust, security and respect. Trust is built on truth. When a you consistently does the good and right things that you says you will do, you will gain or regain your spouse trust. Speaking the truth is one of the most loving things we can do in marriage or relationship. When a man lies, his word loses weight and the weight of a man's word anchors his integrity. When a husband lies, his wife is no longer sure that his yes means yes and his no means no. Now she questions what he says. His lie has sown seeds of doubt in the marriage and the fruit of doubt is distrust. God requires the wife to forgive her husband for lying to her, but God does not require her to trust him. Trust is earned, and it is earned by a consistent commitment to being truthful over time.

A husband is supposed to be the loving leader of his wife, but when a husband lies to his wife he is misleading her making it difficult for her to follow his leadership. She no longer feels safe because the one who has been set in place for her protection has caused her to feel vulnerable and made a fool of. The husband will reap the fear he has sown through the insecurity his lie has cultivated within his wife.

I believe that every husband wants to be his wife's hero. He wants to stand tall in her eyes; he wants her respect. But if through a lie he has shown her no consideration, it will be difficult for her to show him consideration. If through a lie he has not esteemed her, it will be difficult for her to esteem him. A lie is one of the most disrespectful things a husband can do to his wife, and as he robs her of respect by lying to her, he will rob himself of her respect.

 

In conclusion, we do reap what we sow. When a husband lies he sows distrust, disrespect, and insecurity into his marriage, and he will surely reap it. When a husband lies to his wife he is acting treacherously towards her. God says when a husband acts treacherously towards his wife, He won't regard that husband or readily accept anything from him. If God won't, it's likely the wife won't either. Husbands, if you want your wife to trust you, don't lie to her. If you want your wife to follow you, don't mislead her. If you want your wife to respect you, honor her enough to tell her the truth. It is a big deal.

SHE LUSTED FOR PARAMOURS WHO HAVE BIG MALE ORGANS:

"For she lusted for her paramours (MALE PROSTITUTES), Whose flesh (PENIS) is like the flesh of donkeys, And whose issue (SPERM) is like the issue of horses”. Ezek 23:20 (emphasis mine)

The word “lusted” here is from the Hebrew “hawwa” meaning, “inflaming oneself with an uncontrollable desire, a craving, an abnormal appetite for something”. Greek "Epithumia" is used most frequently in the New Testament, and means a longing for the unlawful, hence, concupiscence, evil desire; to crave intensely the wrong possession. It is translated in James 4:1,3 as "pleasures": "Your pleasures that war in your members"; "Ye ask amiss, that ye may spend it in your pleasures".

The Bible said, “she lusted”. This means, she was the cause of her yielding to immorality. When lust is conceived or accumulated, it produces SIN and it’s easy to blame God or said “I was tempted”. You can’t be tempted without your participation. Hear what James 1:13-15 said, “Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. 14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death”.

The final destination of those who are lustful is death. In Num 11:34, a reference was made to a place called “Kibroth Hattaavah” the graves of lust, where "they buried the people that lusted”. When you are living in the realm of the deaths, everything about you starts decaying. Your flesh will begin to deteriorate and your life span will be truncated.

Oholibah, in the above verse was said “she lusted after her paramours”. The word “paramour” Hebrew pilleges, "a concubine," masculine or feminine: A term applied in Ezekiel to the MALE PROSTITUTE, but elsewhere translated "concubine”. In today's language, it means “to cohabit with a man or woman without any marriage covenant”.

Why was she lusting after male prostitutes? Because of their big dicks and ability to have multiple ejaculations.

SHE LUSTED AFTER MEN WITH BIG ORGANS

"For she lusted for her paramours (MALE PROSTITUTES), Whose flesh (PENIS) is like the flesh of donkeys, And whose issue (SPERM) is like the issue of horses. 21 Thus you called to remembrance the lewdness of your youth, When the Egyptians pressed your bosom because of your youthful breasts”. Ezek 23:20-21 

 

We saw previously that Oholibah was lusting after MALE PROSTITUTES who sleeps or cohabit with women without a marriage covenant.

Ezekiel said, Oholibah lusted for men whose flesh (penises) are big and long like that of donkeys and whose issues (sperm) is like that of horses. The word "Flesh" has many meanings in the Bible, but in the above verse, it is a euphemism for the sexual organs. Euphemism means an indirect expression that is substituted for one that is considered offensive or too harsh. Therefore, the word FLESH refers to male PENIS, while the word ISSUE refers to SPERM.

The big male organ you see on movies are not actually their natural organs. Most of them use drugs to be extra strong so they can have multiple ejaculations like donkeys. They also use drugs to enlarge their penises and increase their testosterone. Therefore, any woman who have slept with such sexually perverted men might find it difficult to be satisfied with ONE HUSBAND, especially with men who have normal sex drives. I had counseled several women who complained that their husband’s penises are too small because they were used to having men with penises as big as donkey who penetrated them. Their vaginas have been extra enlarged beyond the normal capacity and now affected with the remembrances of all their past male prostitutes.

The Bible said, “she called to remembrance the lewdness of her youth”. Her sexual orientation was perverted. Each time she called to remembrance the lewdness of her youth and involvement with male prostitutes, a desire to go back into her old lifestyle will spring up.

When you sleep with a man that is not your husband; there will be a resurfacing of the spirits of all the men you slept with, thereby, suffocating your soul after marriage. The cord of your unholy sexual intercourse with your male prostitutes will linger on until you are strip off of your dignity and worth as a woman. You have slept with many men and a soul tied has been created. Go for counseling and set yourself free.

THE CORD OF YOUR IMMORALITY OF THE PAST:

"Yet she multiplied her harlotry In CALLING TO REMEMBRANCE the days of her youth, When she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt”. Ezek 23:19

Have you broken the cords of your past immoral life or you are still struggling with it after you have become born again? When you come to Christ, He makes you a new creation and all your past sins where forgiven and forgotten. But, when there is no total repentance on your part, deciding never to return to the old lifestyle, its possible to keep falling back into the same old sin.

In the above verse, the faithlessness of Oholibah cost her the only true protection she ever had, which is Jehovah. Yet instead of repenting of the sins she committed in her youth while in Egypt, become more and more promiscuous. Her cycle of sin brought her back to the very worthless and immoral men with which she had originally been defiled and which had enslaved her.

God's Word said “she multiplied her harlotry, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth; her lusts, practiced when in Egypt and then actually returned to them”. Mark the danger of suffering the memory to dwell on the pleasure felt in past sins. 

Her complain is that since she came to Christ, no brother is blessing her the way the worldly guys does. And worse of all, no brother is approaching her. She forget that whatever the former guys gave her was in exchange for her body. 

So many of you ladies (including men) are pleasing yourselves with the remembrance of your past immoral acts. When you began to set your affections upon Egypt, you encourage yourselves to put a confidence in immorality, because of the old acquaintance you had with those men, as if you still retained the gust and relish of the leeks and onions you ate there, or rather of the sex orgies and styles you learned there, and brought up with them thence. When you began an acquaintance with Egypt you remembered how merrily you were treated by men, what music and dancing you had at that sport, which you learned in Egypt; and you hoped you should now have a fair pretense to come to that again. Thus “she multiplied her whoredoms”, repeated her former whoredoms, and encouraged herself to close with present temptations, by calling to remembrance the days of her youth. 

 

Note, Those who, instead of reflecting upon their former sins with sorrow and shame, reflect upon them with pleasure and pride, contract new guilt thereby, strengthen their own corruptions, and in effect bid defiance to repentance. This is returning with the dog to his vomit.

DEFILING THE BED OF LOVE:

“But she increased her harlotry; She LOOKED AT MEN portrayed on the wall, IMAGES OF CHALDEANS portrayed in vermilion,… 16 As soon as her eyes saw them, SHE LUSTED for them And sent messengers to them in Chaldea”. Ezek 23:14-16 

 

We discussed in the previous post that the church prostitute “has NEVER GIVEN UP her harlotry BROUGHT FROM EGYPT”, verse 8. 

Here is the reason why she always doted back to her immoral lovers, even after she is born again. She kept "felling in love" with handsome soldiers in their beautiful uniforms. She only lust after men of statues and wealthy. The Bible said, she increased her harlotry by looking at the PICTURES and IMAGES of men on the wall. She has pictures of great men portrayed in vermilion (in colour print). The picture here is that of a prostitute seeking a lover to care for her and the language is quite graphic. She had no true faith in the living God, so she looked to the worldly guys to help her. 

On her wall, in her phone, are the IMAGES of immoral men. Image refers to the display of male genitals. She has blue films in her handset and watch them secretly when she is alone; defiling her mind. As soon as her eyes saw the images of male genitals, SHE LUSTED for them and sent messages to lure them to bed.

Ladies, if your handsets will be check now, shall we find an immoral films and pictures of worldly men? David said, “I will set nothing wicked before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; It shall not cling to me”. Ps. 101:3. Do you set before your eyes vile things? David made a covenant with his eyes to hate the deeds of faithless men; men of perverse heart, but you love it and watch it every day.

Verse 17-18 of Ezek. 23 said, "Then the Babylonians came to her, into the BED OF LOVE, And they defiled her with their immorality; So she was defiled by them, and alienated herself from them. 18 She revealed her harlotry and uncovered her nakedness. Then I alienated Myself from her”. 

Because of what she set before her eyes, it stimulates her sexual desires. Therefore, she had no choice than to invite men into the bed of love and defile it. God alienated Himself from her for she never give up her immorality brought from Egypt. Paul said in Heb 13:4 that “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge”.

PRESSED, FONDLED AND CRUSHED BY IMMORALITY:

“They became PROSTITUTES IN EGYPT, engaging in prostitution from their youth. In that land their BREASTS WERE FONDLED and their VIRGIN BOSOMS CARESSED”. Ezek 23:3

“She has NEVER GIVEN UP her harlotry BROUGHT FROM EGYPT, For in her youth they had LAIN with her, PRESSED her virgin bosom, And poured out their IMMORALITY upon her". Ezek 23:8 

 

The last part of verse 8 said “and poured out their immorality upon her”. When she had unholy sex with the Egyptian in her youthful days, a spirit of immorality was released upon her. Now that she want to serve God, the spirit will not allow her to stay without committing immorality; always desiring to sleep with men. 

Lets look at the word “Immorality”. It’s from the Hebrew ”z¹nâ” and Greek “porneía " meaning, to have “unholy intercourse with another, be unfaithful, play the harlot, live a loose life, and sell or prostitute oneself”.

God says “though she is my daughter and call herself CHRISTIAN, yet she NEVER GIVE UP her act of prostitution which she brought from Egypt (the world). 

She engaged in prostitution in Egypt in her youth. NLT Version said ““Even as young girls, she allowed men to FONDLE her breasts”. Her breasts were squeezed, PRESSED and crushed there; lovers FONDLED her virgin nipples there. The word “Pressed” from Hebrew “maayak” denote a lewd handling. And the Hebrew word for fondled is “s¹µaq” from a root meaning “sporting, playing and laughing with, to "amuse oneself” with an object. This means she is often treated as an object of amusement by men. They are not seeing her as a potential wife, but a sex toy to play and fondle with; an object to be used and then dumb as a garbage. 

She was a loosed young girl in Egypt and still acting like a loose girl. She talk loosely, she walk loosely, she dress loosely and wonder why men only love her for sex and not for marriage. Because of the spirit of immorality upon her, men sees her only as a sex toy to play with and amuse themselves. What a dehumanization of womanhood! Enough of the amusement. Ladies, if you are guilty of this, go for deliverance today and set yourself free from the spirit of IMMORALITY.