UNHAPPY IN HER MARRIAGE

She was having trouble in her marriage. Her husband was a good man and a wonderful provider. He never spoke harshly to her, and he tried to please her all the time, yet there was a problem in the marriage. He really didn't understand that there was a problem, yet she was so unhappy. They had been married for many years, and every year she became increasingly unhappy.

This wife was also unhappy in her relationship with God. She and her family were active in their church. Yet, she felt like she could never quite measure up to who God wanted her to be. She was involved in several church ministries. No matter how much she did at church, she still felt like God was disappointed with her. Could she ever please God? She was becoming more convinced that it was about impossible. She made an appointment to see a pastoral counselor on the staff of her church. She shared with the counselor how unhappy she was in her marriage. She admitted that her husband was a good man, but for some reason, she was becoming more and more unhappy.

Then, she went on to tell the counselor how she felt, that she would never be able to please God. Even though she had worked in so many ministries of the church, it never seemed to be enough to find God's favor. She had finally admitted to someone for the first time the pent-up feelings that had bothered her for so long.
The counselor had asked her several questions, but he had one more to ask. He said, "How was your relationship with your dad?" At first she thought, what does my dad has to do with my Christian faith and my marriage?

But, she didn't question the counselor. Instead, she said, "Oh, my dad was a nice man, hard-working and a good provider." Then, there was a long pause. She had a tear flowing down her face. She brushed it away and said, "You know, my dad was a good man, but we weren't very close. He was often critical of me, and I felt like I could never please him. Don't get me wrong, I respected him. I always wanted to please him, but I'm not sure that I ever did. If I did, he certainly never let me know it. He was usually a quiet man."
She looked away, looking as though she was in deep thought. Then, she said, "You know, maybe you will think this is self-pity, but I never remember him telling me that he loved me. Oh, I'm sure that he did love me, but he never told me. He just wasn't that kind of a man. He never really hugged me or told me that I did anything to please him." By this time, the tears were flowing freely, and she couldn't talk for crying.

The counselor later shared with her, "I believe we can see why you are unhappy in your marriage and feel like you can never please God our Father. Your core problem just may not be with God or your husband. It sounds like it goes back to your relationship with your dad. It may be that your dad did not give you the love and acceptance that you needed as a daughter. Many think that we receive our first ideas of what God is like through our fathers. Daughters often project ideas upon men, and especially their husbands, from what they experienced with their dad as far as love and affirmation."

She had listened intently until she asked the counselor, "But, what can I do about it now? My dad has been dead for several years. I can't go back and change the past." The counselor softly answered, "No, you can't, but God can do something about it. You can ask Him to heal the memories of your past. He's able to do that." 

The counselor read to her from the Bible, Isaiah 61:1, that God heals the broken-hearted. Then, the pastoral counselor read to her from Romans 5: 5-8, explaining how the Holy Spirit can fill our hearts with the love of God. That day, he helped her to find the healing love of God the Father.