HEALING FOR BITTER COUPLES

Madam Rhonda had often made despairing remarks about her husband in public, even in his presence. He often was a joke to her, and she didn't mind getting a laugh at his expense. It was much more fun for her to tell something that he did or says, to get a laugh from her friends in front of him. He would give a half smile and say nothing. He had continued to resent being the subject of her jokes in front of others, but he never discussed it with her.

As his resentment built, he became bitter toward her. The marriage was emotionally and romantically dead. The bottom line was that she had no respect for him, and he was bitter toward her. They had long since been in a SILENT DIVORCE.

A husband needs the respect of his wife. Respect is an important issue with all persons, but especially with men. The male gender need for respect is a major issue in marriage. If he thinks that he has her respect, then he is motivated in the marriage. If he feels disrespect from his wife, he will eventually give up on the marriage. "Let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:33).

A husband should discuss any issue of disrespect. It's easy for a man to bottle his emotions and pretend that she can't hurt him. If he doesn't discuss his resentment with his wife, he will eventually become bitter. When he becomes bitter, he will emotionally withdraw from the marriage. "Husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them" (Colossians 3:19).

As a young boy I inquisitively remember walking through our FAMILY GARDEN. I noticed a strange looking tree that had little orange fruit hanging all over it. I had never seen a tree that looked like this. My curiosity got the best of me, and I went over, plucked off a small piece of orange fruit and plopped it into my mouth. Upon tasting it, I immediately spit it out! It was the bitterest thing I had ever tasted! I ran back to the house, washed my mouth out with water and asked my mother what it was. Laughingly, she replied that I had tasted an orange persimmon. She told me that they were good to eat only after they had turned dark and were ready to fall off the tree. The bitter taste of this orange persimmon left such a lasting impression in my mind that whenever someone mentions something being bitter, I immediately think back to this experience.

Unfortunately, there are many men who are “orange persimmon” husbands, bitter fruit to their wife. The word “bitter” means to be harsh, to exasperate, to irritate and to be sour. God commands every husband to not embitter his wife by unloving, non-affectionate treatment. “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Colossians 3:19

One way a husband embitters his wife is by asserting absolute authority over her. He does not lovingly lead her as Christ the church but rather exercises DICTATORIAL LEADERSHIP. Also, some men embitter their wives by giving affection only when they have a SEXUAL AGENDA in mind.

My experience has taught me that there are many reasons why husbands become bitter against their wives. As a Bible preacher, I teach women to try to live in such a manner that their husband won't have reasons to get angry, become abusing or bitter. Why make life harder than it already is?

Some women are quick to demonize their husband and bad-mouth his faults, but why is he angry? You wives need to ask yourself this question... Why my husband is upsets with me? Not only is it true that God’s Word tells wives to submit to their husbands, but a very important instruction to husbands is that they, on their part, love their wives, "and be not bitter against them" (Col. 3:19). 

In fact, Christ, Who is the Head of the husband (1 Cor. 11:3), expects the husband, as the head of the wife (Eph. 5:23), to really love his wife and never permit himself to take advantage of the fact that he has been placed in the position of headship.

It is so easy to blame the wife if things go wrong; it is so easy to forget that the wife gave up all to become your life companion – gave up even her very name, her home, and all. It is so easy to forget that the "little" courtesies, the "little" kindnesses, the "little" acts of thoughtfulness – really make up the deciding issues in a Christian wife’s life – as to whether she is to be a happy, cooperative companion or otherwise. "Be not bitter." Oh, the heartbreak, the sorrow, the despair – And the resultant disasters that so often follow when bitterness and unkindness creep in! Oh, if only the husbands had remembered and obeyed the Word of God which tells them to "Be not bitter" against that precious soul who has taken on your name – which has left all to be with you and to share life’s joys and sorrows with you!