“Marriage is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up.”
By Samuel McDimar
Marriage is the single most important relationship in this life apart from our relationship with God. The Lord gave marriage to the human race as a demonstration of His Divine Love. The grace of this institution reveals His essence in giving to mankind a home for love and intimacy - a place where two people can have a unique love that is beyond belief and human endeavors.
Marriage is God's gift to humanity. The Lord Himself personally oversees marriage. He makes Right Man and Right Woman; then brings them together miraculously; and gives them an intimate love relationship - all compliments of His eternal, infinite, and matchless grace.
For marriage to be understood, it must be studied from the grace perspective. Divine Grace covers the whole concept of God's Plan in ministry and marriage. It includes Spiritual Dynamics in marriage, behavioral models, and new objectives for spiritual adulthood.
Here is the great object lesson of marriage grace from divine viewpoint. The source is the authority of scripture - Bible Doctrine. Marriage Grace, based upon the study of Bible Doctrine, explains more about life outside the Garden of Eden than any other conceptual model. This is the heretofore-untold story of the Mystery Doctrine of the Church Age. We must get the setting of this scene in order to obtain something of its real effect.
Marriage can be the most happy, or mediocre or unhappy experience of all life if it is void of God’s Divine Grace. He designed the opposite sexes, to be joined in marriage and complement each other so they might each give to the other what each one lacked.
At this early stage, I want to pinpoint two fragments of scripture upon which we shall move at present. The first is found in the Old Testament in the first Book of Chronicles, chapter twelve at verse 32… men of Issachar, who understood the TIMES and knew what Israel should do…” The other scripture is in the New Testament in first Corinthians, chapter seven at verses 28-29: “But if you marry, you have not sinned… but those who marry will face many TROUBLES IN THIS LIFE, and I want to spare you this. What I mean, brothers is that the TIME is SHORT, from now on those who have wives should live as if they had none.”
You will notice that these scriptures and their context are set in a time of crisis and change, very significant change.
In the letter to the Corinthians, the reference to the end of certain times represents a tremendous crisis called “Trouble in this life.” That is what is before us now: the trouble of marriage.
It is vitally important for us to know the nature of times in which we live and what we must do to negate inaccurate system and shift progressively to the next level. The supremest thing is to have understanding of the times and season, to know what to do in order to restructure our marriages. I think you will agree with me that this is very vital.
A FIERCE ATTACK
Marriage is in a state of dilemma, shuffling from one crisis to the other. The word “trouble” in 1 Cor. 7 : 28, Greek thlipsin is rendered “persecution.” Apostle Paul is obviously saying that those who are married will be under fierce attack by the carnal natures of each partner and Satan’s manipulation.
Though myriads of books have been published yearly on how to make marriage work, our culture is flirting away from God’s original protocol plan. Moreover, the actual concern of this age is not really how to have better marriages but how to have better divorce without breaking the heart of your partner.
Unfortunately, what is happening in the secular world has crept privately into Christendom. And the rate of divorce now made in secret outnumbered the one made in public. This is as the result of ever- increasing breakdown of moral standards with marriage being the prime target of Satan as recorded in 1Tim. 4:1-3.
Unfortunately, a depressing number of marriages end on a less inspirational note. Indeed, our global world is now witnessing a continuing epidemic of dysfunctional relationships. The very foundation of marriage institution itself appears to be dying. I shudder to contemplate what life will be like and how will our children cope up in the next generation if Jesus tarry.
Lydia Maria Child believes that the cure for all ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows and the crimes of humanity, all lie in the one word ‘love’. It is the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life. The need of all of us is true love and we must cultivate the habit of accepting and giving out love if we desire to see our relationship last for a life time. It has nothing to do with what we are expecting to get at all time, which is everything.
MARRIAGE DECLINATION
Marital breakdown is always a tragedy, says Swihart and Brigham in their book “Helping children of divorce,” it contradicts God’s will, frustrates His purpose, brings to husband and wife the acute pains of alienation, disillusion, recrimination, and guilt, and precipitates in any children of the marriage a crisis of bewilderment, insecurity and often anger.
The whole issue is bound up in this. A spiritual focus on the reality of marriage relationship will lead to contentment and forbearance in all areas of life, including affairs of the heart.
In every age of our 6,000 years old planet, marriage has been one of the thermometers of the world’s spiritual fervor or coldness. What the enemy is targeting is spiritual fullness and progress of every believer. Satan is using marital conflict as his basic tools to invigorate setback and declination of God’s people and even of a whole nation. You will agree with me that the decline of marriage loyalties is what has plunged the world into corruption, poverty and unending misery. In part, the corruption of this divine institution brought on the condemning worldwide flood in Genesis chapter 7.
The divorce rate is now an epidemic! The statistical summaries of Marriage and Divorce reveal serious problems with the institution of marriage in the world today. The Marriage statistics show that although the total number of marriages has increased, since 1960 the marriage rate for unmarried women has decreased at a steady rate. The Divorce Statistics show that divorce has risen significantly so that the ratio of marriages to divorces is now 2 to 1.
The War II generation 1940-1960 celebrated their freedom by getting married. The peak number of marriages in 1946 set the record on the charts. That generation became materialistic, grew rich, established bureaucracies and became authoritarian. They were distracted by business expansion of the post war boom. They failed as parents.
The generations from 1960-1980 set all records for steady rising divorces. Their marriages ended in the divorce courts. This was the generation women entered the work place. Adultery (mental and overt) was the result. Women rejected the authority of their husbands. Unlike their parents who just quarreled, they divorced the men.
The generation from 1980 to present is hardened and insensitive. They are the children of divorce. They have grandparents with traditional values and parents who were adulterers. They tend to be stubborn, hardened, and insensitive. They are antimarriage.
Our culture is in very serious jeopardy. This is not a case of patriotism. Although the nation will suffer, it is worse than that. Yes, it involves everyone. There is no escape from this one. This problem strikes at the very heart and soul of our culture, and not just in Africa because other nations also have the same problem.
Marriage and the Right Man/Right Woman relationship is the most intimate relationship in this life. It is more powerful than the relationship between parents and children (when the child grows up). It begins in the very genes, since it is divine design. It infiltrates the very core of the soul and heart. It reaches the most intimate fiber of one's being. How one feels pales in comparison to who he is; and this relationship is all about whom one is.
When divorce rips apart a marriage, it is like pulling a tooth that has roots that go all the way down to the big toe! This is the reason for the strong Biblical mandate by the Lord Jesus Christ: “Consequently, they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore, God has joined together, let no man separate”. Matthew 19:6
Divorce is very serious business. It affects the very core of one's being and shatters the very nature of who we are! Divorce is like separating Siamese twins. One or both are liable to die. No one goes through a divorce without psychological trauma. Some suppress, deny, internalize while others react, dissociate, and project; but all have serious trouble.
When marriage is well observed, respected and maintained, the world prospers. A good marriage makes all else in life better, while a poor marriage somehow diminish it. The late Dr. M. R. Deha’an quipped, “The nearest thing to heaven on this earth is the Christian family and home where husband and wife, and children live in love and peace together for the Lord and for each other. And the nearest thing to hell on earth is an ungodly home, broken by sin and iniquity, where parents nag and separate, and children are abandoned to the devil and all the forces of wickedness.”
For all of us who are married, divorce or otherwise, we have a responsibility. Our marriage says to the world and to our children, “Here is a picture of Jesus Christ and His church”. Your partner may be as unlovable to you as we are to God, apart from Christ. He or she may be unfaithful, unappreciative, unresponding. Your task as a husband is to assume the role of a savior in your marriage. The greater the abuse, the greater the love to evade unresolved crisis that may lead to divorce. God did not promise us a perfect marriage, not even a happy one. He did promise us more grace than we should ever need. He calls us to show to the world that Jesus loves and loves and loves even when the object of His love is unlovable.
THE NEED FOR PARTNERSHIP
Right at the beginning of history, we are told that God says, “It is not good for the man to be alone”, Gen. 2v18. This word seems to give us the divine authority for marriage. You cannot be ‘alone’ and still be completely happy. When a man is alone [not married], he lacks intimate relationship, refinement, tenderness, and certain basic skills for success in life. Likewise an unmarried woman, lacks intimate counselor, leadership strength, and other benefits.
In marriage, the other supplies the basic need of the other partner. That is how God intended it to be. He designated marriage for the happiness of humanity, as a channel for expressing love in an intimate manner. It was when God could not found a suitable helper for man in the world greatest zoo (Eden) that Eve was made from one of his ribs. We can now trace the side-by-side partnership between man and woman on this account of human creation.
Marriage was established before man’s fall into sin and before any human institution, endeavors and civilization. This reveals the sanctity of the union of husband and wife as a permanent bond and the foundation of human society.
God saw a desperate need in Adam and provides a suitable wife for him, who will help him in his “Garden of Eden ministry”.
The word ‘suitable’ means “that which fit; that which is right for the purpose, that which meet the need of.” This definition tells us that only Eve fit Adam. She is the Right Woman for his ministry and life. What God did to the first man, He has continued doing ever since for every son of Adam. What does it mean that Eve was a suitable “ HELPER”? This word carried the connotation of “helping another to find fulfillment in life.” A good scholar, Adam Clarke wrote a commentary on the meaning of help meet, he said, “----- a help, a counterpart of him self, one formed from him. If the word were rendered scrupulously literally, it signifies one ‘like,’ or as ‘himself’ standing opposite to or before him. To be a perfect resemblance of the man, possessing neither inferiority nor superiority, but being in all things like and equal to him self.” This is what defines true biblical marriage.
CLOSE TO THE HEART
So often in the throes of marital turmoil, we forget that marriage is one of God’s greatest gifts to human beings. He understood our need for intimate connection long before any of us came to be. In this consideration of man’s nature and needs for companionship, in response, He made a woman to resolve the issue of intimacy, loneliness and separation.
Why is it that married couples are so puzzled by one another’s reaction at times? They know that they themselves are often upset, angry or hurt at something the other one has done, but they cannot dictate the reason. It is of course because the other person has violated a basic drive, which God himself has built in them. Whenever you find married couples that are unhappily married, you can be sure there is guilt somewhere hiding beneath the surface. After the first matrimonial bliss, you will begin to lose some of the glittering in your eyes and start seeing your partner’s weaknesses. You might ever discover habits and personally traits that may irritate or grieve you. However, the point to consider is, if we truly love our partners, we should continually be blind to their weakness and shortcomings.
The woman for Adam was made from existing elements similar to Adam’s creation. The existing elements came from Adam – namely, one of his ribs. This meant the same DNA, cell structure, blood type. Biologically, woman was the same as man.
“So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept, He took one of his ribs, and closed up with flesh its place”. Gen. 2 v 21
The Lord Jesus Christ, the “great physician,” performed surgery on Adam. He put him to sleep, and removed a rib. He chose to make the woman from the man.
“And the Lord God built into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.” Gen. 2 v 22
From the rib, the Lord “built” the woman. The Hebrew word, ‘built’, is banah, which means to build, to construct. The meaning is that the woman was built. She was a beautiful creature, built from Adam for Adam. Adam had simply being sculpted (Hebrew “jatsar”) from clay; but the woman was built. The architecture, symmetry, and beauty were the crowning glory of all creation.
Ribs are the bones nearest the heart, and are thus closely linked with the heart. In this, woman is designed to complete the man; to be a helper fit for him. The significant aspect of the rib is that it emphasizes the protective instinct in woman. It is the rib that protects the vital organ of the chest and notable the heart. In fact, the Hebrew word for helper, “Azar,” means, “to surround with aid, to protect, to encompass.”
Just as the rib cage or protect the heart, so a woman is to surround, and protect her husband’s heart from intruders. Jer. 31 v 22. Any deliberate mistake can cause heartbreak; can damage the internal configuration of his heart and his capacity to trust and love. Do not let a different woman sit upon the center of his heart. Intoxicate and protect him.
I pray that every woman will try to make a spiritual boundary around their husband’s heart from the snare of other strange women. When his heart is right, is glad, you can get the best from him. According to the word of Theodore Roosevelt, “the royal road to a man’s heart is to talk to him about the things he treasures most”.
Culled from the book "Aggressive & Responding Love in Marriage" writen by Samuel McDimar.
Order a copy - mcdimar3@gmail.com
