DOES PERFECT MARRIAGES EXIST?

I have heard this statement several time during premarital counseling, “No Marriage is Perfect”. Is this statement Biblical?

Why are we giving a wrong concept of marriage to the unmarried? Our traditional concept of marriage, which are not scriptural gives false information to people. It causes them to enter into marriage with the idea that it can’t be perfect no matter how they tried.

The concept of “No Marriage is Perfect” tend to look at marriage in a very physical manner. But the first thing that God does when He instituted marriage is put it on a spiritual plane. 

A first principle seen from Genesis 1 and 2 is that marriage is a divine institution given by God as a part of the created order. Marriage was not “figured out” by man; it was instituted by God right from the start. And it is God’s definition that matters, not any later attempts by man to redefine it.

In the world, people believe there are no perfect marriages. Such believe is unscriptural and has its root in the tradition of men.

What then is tradition?

“Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.” Colossians 2:8

As shown by our theme scripture, the Apostle Paul, in the days of the Early Church, found it necessary to counsel the brethren to resist the influence of the tradition of men. 

Webster’s Dictionary defines tradition as “the handing down of statements, beliefs, legends, information, etc., from generation to generation, especially by word of mouth or by practice: a story that has come down to us or something that is handed down”.

However, human tradition, unsupported by the teachings of the Bible, no matter how old, how venerable, or how seemingly reasonable, should be given no authority by the dedicated child of God and sincere student of the Bible. The Lord’s true people will only give heed to the instructions of his Word, which states, “To the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.”—Isa. 8:20

Jesus was very outspoken in condemning the “tradition of the elders” as set forth by the scribes and the Pharisees of his day. He was asked by them why his disciples transgressed these traditions, and his reply was, in part, “Why do you also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition?” (Matt. 15:2,3) Thus Jesus indicates that the traditions of men are often contrary to the commandment, or Word of God.

One of the tradition handed to us is the believe that “Perfect Marriage Does not exist”. 

UNDERSTANDING MARRIAGE PERFECTION

The word “Perfect” means having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be. make (something) completely free from faults or defects; make as good as possible. 

Something that is perfect is complete and without defect or blemish. It might also be precisely accurate or exact. 

For something to be imperfect, means it has flaws, errors, or problems. Imperfect is the opposite of perfect. 

If we say that marriage is imperfect, we are ultimately saying marriage is a human institution and has flaws, errors, problems; it is incomplete. Does this give a true picture of the Marriage created by God from the beginning? 

Remember that God is perfect. Whatever comes out of Him must be perfect. And He expected all His creation to remain perfect just as He is perfect. He says in Matthew 5:48 “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect”. 

Marriage was designed by God without defect or blemish. Defect and blemishes comes after the Fall of Adam. But the coming of Jesus restores us back to the perfect plan of God.

Your perception of marriage depends on how you view it. If you are seeing marriage through the eyes of God, you will define marriage as a perfect institution; but if you are seeing it through the human eyes, you will define it as imperfect.

HOW CAN MARRIAGE BE IMPERFECT?

Marriage is a part of God’s created order as revealed in Genesis 1 and 2. Genesis 1:26–27 states that on the sixth day of creation “God created man in His image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Seven times in Genesis 1 God states that His creation was “good”.

Good means “to be desired or approved of; something having the required qualities”. Words related to good are: great, satisfying, exceptional, positive, acceptable, satisfactory, valuable, superb, marvelous, bad, wonderful, favorable, excellent, respectable, honest, useful, talented, efficient, reliable, able.

God is good. It's not just what he does; it's who he is — and who he is never changes. He can only produce from what comes out of Him. Let me ask you, is marriage created by God? If your answer is yes, then I want you to answer the next question. Can something created by a Perfect God be classified as “Imperfect”? 

The Bible says, “Matthew 12:35 “A good man out of the good treasure of the heart brings forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things”.

Marriage is a good thing. James 1:17 says “Every GOOD GIFT and every PERFECT GIFT is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning”.

Marriage is a GOOD and PERFECT GIFT from God. It was created and established as a perfect gift, not imperfect.

THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

Let me proof to you that perfect marriage exists and it only exist in the spiritual plane. 

The Bible started with the story of a Perfect Marriage (between Adam and Eve) and ended with the Testimony of the Perfect Marriage (between Jesus and the Church). From the beginning, it was a STORY. But in the Church Age, it is a TESTIMONY.

 

In between the two Perfect Marriages, there was and is an Imperfect Marriage. 

God, from the beginning FORMED marriage as a Perfect Union representing the relationship between the Godhead – God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. But after the Fall of Adam, the devil gain ascendancy and DEFORMED what God has FORMED. Then God sent His Son, one of the Godhead to REDEEM man and his marriage from DEFORMATION. Thus, the coming of Jesus Christ on earth REFORMED marriage and bring it back to its original purpose. 

Therefore, in this Church Age, we can experience an EXTRAORDINARY MARRIAGE through the grace of the Perfect Marriage between Christ and His Church.

ADAM’S RIB

This teaching is an excerpt from my unpublished book title “Adam’s Rib”.

The Lord said to me on 30^th April, 2005 “Son, sit down and I will teach you the mystery of the Church and Marriage; You will Recover My Testimony in Africa”. Since then God has been using my wife and I to reach out to both the married and unmarried in Africa.

It is a fact that we are now witnessing the breakdown of marriages and relationships. The problem is not the marriage institution, because it was instituted and established by God and He said “It is good”. The problem is the people entering the institution without knowing the principles governing the institution that are causing the problem.

This means that without Biblical knowledge of the first Principle of Marriage as established in Genesis, we will become the architect of our calamities.

THE JOURNEY SO FAR

When you start a journey without a road map, you will end up going nowhere. Marriage is a journey. Without a road map, we will never arrive to where we will enjoy its fullness.

The Bible said in Isaiah 46: 10 that God, “Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure”. For us to fully understand the Divine Precedent of Marriage, we must start from the beginning. The Divine Principle of Marriage that was established by God from the BEGINNING, can’t be altered. He said, “My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure”.

Understanding and following His counsel will lead us to partaking in His pleasure. That means, what gives God pleasure, will also give us pleasure. The question now is, what is God’s counsel on marriage?

How did God find a wife for the first man – Adam?

Did Adam search for her?

Join me as we go back to the BEGINNING and learn how God provided a wife for ADAM.

THE LORD CAUSED A “DEEP SLEEP” TO FALL ON THE MAN

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept:” Genesis 2:21a

The Hebrew word for “deep sleep” is tardemah yashen and it means, “To slack, to remain long, to keep on sleeping”. This refers to absolute silence, trust and rest in God’s providence. This “deep sleep” is a position of deep trust and rest in God’s promises. “And Adam slept’, it is the man that God must first work upon. The reason for the work is to prepare a room in his heart to accommodate a wife. But unfortunately, many men are getting out of this “deep sleep” position and as a result, they experience heart breaks in relationship.

MEN, GO AND SLEEP

Brothers, if you desire to discover the right woman, GO and SLEEP. Remember it was when Adam slept that the Lord took one of his ribs and made a Right Woman for him. “…and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof.” Genesis 2: 21b

The word “took” from the Hebrew root Achaz means, “to seize violently” with the idea of holding in possession until the appointed time and thereafter to restore it back to the rightful owner. The woman was violently pull out of man, and will violently come back to him with great interest. Her returning from the Lord reveals the principle of grace which will be explain later.

Are you sleeping spiritually and resting with full confidence that God is preparing a wife for you or you are awake, falling in and out of relationships? Unless you sleep and wait on God, it will be difficult for you to find a godly wife.

THE LORD MADE THE RIGHT WOMAN FOR THE RIGHT MAN

“And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman,” Genesis 2: 22a

Here we have another beautiful word “Made” from the Hebrew word Banah meaning, “to manufacture something out of something”. In another context, it has the more precise meaning “to sculpture something according to pattern”. The soul of the man and that of woman were created (brought into existent out of nothing) in the same day, but it was later that the woman’s body was made out of an existing material, Adam’s Rib.

When the Lord God took the RIB, He made a wife for the man. The wife you are looking for is at the hand of the Master. He is making her to be a wife material. Until God is satisfied that she is now fit to be a wife, He will not reveal her to you. Therefore, it is required that you WAIT and keep on sleeping. Don’t open your eyes, less Satan gives you a SUBSTITUTE.

THE LORD BROUGHT THE WOMAN TO THE RIGHT MAN.

According to Genesis 2: 22, the Lord “…brought her unto the man”. The word “brought” means, “to bear, or carry, to lead or to bring up to”. This principle reveals the efficacy of divine grace in marriage. The man did not need to labour or work to earn her; she is a grace gift from God. The man is to sleep and wait until God wake him to see the woman He brought to him.

The book of Proverbs 19: 14 said, “…but a prudent wife is from the Lord”. The word “prudent” from the Hebrew word “Sakal” means “cause to be wise, cause to succeed, to make sensible”. The word ‘from the Lord’ refers to the principles of Marriage Grace. She is a grace gift ‘from the Lord’ and the man who obtained her “obtained favour (prosperity, wealth, wisdom) from the Lord”, Prov. 18: 22. She is a woman imbued with the ability to make the man sensible (wise) and to cause him to succeed in all his endeavours on earth. But an adulterous woman will hunt for his soul and destroy his potential of ever becoming a man that God design him to be. Proverb 7: 7-27 mentioned a senseless young man who strayed at her path and ended up a victim of misfortune. Until God brings her to you, any other woman will be a heart break.

THE RIGHT MAN DISCOVERED THE RIGHT WOMAN AND WAS DELIGHTED

When Adam woke up from his deep sleep position, behold a woman standing before him. He saw her in glory after God open his eyes. Adam was not walking in the fleshing and searching for a life partner. The Bible said that immediately he saw her, he knew she is the wife God has provided for him. He did not waste her time with a prolong courtship. He did not put a ring in her finger. He did not cohabit with her in order to taste her before marriage. But Adam immediately announced, “this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man”, Genesis 2:23a. Adam identified her as his very essence. He did not search for her, but God brought her to him. He suddenly discovered that this is the right woman specially designed by God for him and they got married.

STAY IN GOD’S PRESENCE

It will take divine DISCOVERY for you to recognize your wife to be. And it is only possible in the presence of God. Once you step out of God’s presence, you are on your own.

The word “discovers” from the Hebrew matsa means, “to gain knowledge about something”. In the middle voice, it means “to acquire or obtain, to perceive distinctly, discern clearly, come in sight of, expose to view, have a sudden realisation of”. This described what happened to Adam in the garden. He discovered her in God’s presence. In the same vein, the writer of Proverb used the word “find” which carry the same meaning with the word “discover” and different from the modern usage of the word Search. Prov. 18: 22.

LADIES, YOU ARE NOT A MISSING RIB

NOTE: the use of this term by - “Single and Still Searching” (SSS) is offensive. A woman is not a MISSING RIB, but a HIDDEN RIB. “Missing” is a word referring to something that is lost and may be found only when physical labour is applied. While the word “hidden” means “something kept out of sight or view, something concealed from, reserved for or kept secret from; to cause something to remain unknown, with the implication of concealment and inaccessibility”. It also means, “to cover as with a veil”. A woman is not a missing rib, but a hidden rib. She is a grace gift in the hands of Christ the Master, in the place of formation and structuring. She is divinely concealed and reserved for the right man and for an appointed time. She is physically and temporarily concealed from the right man’s intuitive recognition.

This is God’s perfect design for discovering a life partner. But a loose woman can get out of this “concealment” and become an open target to marry the wrong man. Ladies, never get out of this place of covering. Stay in the presence of God. Let the man find you in God’s presence.

THE MAN SPOKE FIRST TO THE WOMAN

“And Adam SAID, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh”. Genesis 2: 23b

The word “said” Hebrew dabar means, “to say, to command, to promise, to order or to announce”. Adam first speaks out; this is divine designed. It takes the man to discover the right woman. At this point, the man has not yet touched her. Why? The identification was done in the soul realm, not through DREAMS and VISION. Adam saw her in a different way. He announced, “this is my very essence”. Their anatomical (bones) and physiological structure (flesh) were compatible with each other.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed”. Genesis 2: 24-25

Notice: Sex comes last. Sex before marriage destroys the capability of ever discovering a compatible life partner. Sex before marriage is prohibited by God’s Word. “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge”. Hebrews 13: 4.

We can learn much from this because it has never changed. The Lord Jesus Christ still make the woman for the man and brings them together by grace in marriage at the right time, if we only allow Him to have His way. She is built to specifications to fit the man physically, soulishly and spiritually just as Eve (Adam's right woman) in the Garden.

A man or a woman is incomplete without his/her right partner. The Lord never built them to be single in the first place. Divine design has provided the perfect solution if we can just allow it without getting in the way! More on this part will be elaborated in subsequent lessons.

“It will take you one minute to get into marriage, and a life time to get out. So, make the right choice” 

“Marry a Man without a biblical mission and you will have no eternal vision; Marry a Man without his eternal vision and you will violate your biblical mission! Marry a Woman who does not believe in the biblical mission and you will lose your vision; Marry a Woman who does not have the biblical vision and you will fail at your eternal mission!”