MARRY A BEAUTIFUL WIFE?

Deut 21:10-13 - When you go out to battle against your enemies, and the Lord your God delivers them into your hands and you take them away captive, 11 and see among the captives a beautiful woman, and have a desire for her and would take her as a wife for yourself, 12 then you shall bring her home to your house, and she shall shave her head and trim her nails. 13 "She shall also remove the clothes of her captivity and shall remain in your house, and mourn her father and mother a full month; and after that you may go in to her and be her husband and she shall be your wife. 

The man must be a warrior who captures slaves after victory in battle. He must be a spiritual fighter, an intercessor, born again Christian who knows how to win souls for the kingdom of God. He is to SEE among the captured slaves a beautiful woman whom he DESIRE. This does not suggest “walking by sight” but walking by faith.

Marry Beauty? Does God endorse a soldier looking at women in the midst of the battle? Is that not carnal? Should not a man close his eyes during prayers? Is such a man spiritual, who has his eyes open in the midst of the battle and see beautiful women? The man is not LUSTING but looking for a beautiful woman whom he DESIRE. Ps 145:19 says, God will fulfil the desire of those who fear Him; and in Prov 10:24 God promised that the desire of the righteous will be granted. 

He has fought the battle of life and therefore entitles to get a beautiful wife whom he desire. Beauty here is not only the outward but inward quality. Proverbs 31:30 declares that beauty without the FEAR of God is vain and the word VAIN means “out of order”. A beautiful woman without the fear of God is a woman out of order. If you marry such a woman, she will never be submissive.

Bring Her Home: verse 11 to 13 of Deut. 21 says that the man should marry her, then bring her home to his house, and she shall remain in his house, and after that he will go in to her (have sex) and be her husband and she shall be his wife. Only MEN dwell in their own house; boys stay in their father’s house. You are permitted to GO INTO HER only when you bring her HOME, to remain in your house. I pray that God will bless every soldier of the Lord with a beautiful woman who fears the Lord. This message is culled from my unpublished book manuscript title “Marriage: Another Perspective”. 

ACTIVATING THE COVENANT OF MOTHERHOOD:

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains FAVOR from the LORD. Prov 18:22 NKJV

The woman is still the most influential of the Lord’s creation on earth; she has special favour with her Lord and her husband. She is an embodiment of FAVOUR and WISDOM. If you want to attract special favour from God, be kind to the woman, especially a Godly woman who has activated her Covenant of Motherhood. Men, who treat the women in their life well, enjoy great favour from the Lord and the favour you will attract for treating this special creation well will do you good all the days of your life! Halleluiah, that Is why Ecclesiastic 9: 9 says, “Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your life …; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun”. As a man, it’s your duty to enforce happiness in your marriage so that you will succeed in the labour/business/ministry which you perform with your wife. If you don’t treat her with understanding, Apostle Paul confirmed that even your prayers can be hindered, 1 Pet. 3: 7.

Let’s move now to a higher dimension. A man can inherit houses and riches from a father, but “a PRUDENT WIFE is from the LORD”. Prov 19:14. The word “Prudent” is from the Hebrew “Sakal” meaning ‘cause to be wise’. A woman from the Lord is the one who has activated her Covenant of Motherhood. If you marry her, she will cause you to be wise; that means she will try her best to make sure you succeed in life and in ministry. The book of Proverb described the virtuous woman as she whom “Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life”. Prov 31:11-12 NLT.

So, there are two essential prowesses to derive from motherhood grace: You will receive FAVOUR and WISDOM. For each time she speaks, “She opens her mouth with wisdom”, Prov 31:26. No wonder the book of Proverb 3:13 said “Happy is the man who finds WISDOM, and the man who gains understanding;”

The wisdom that a godly man received are in twofold, the first is from Christ his Saviour “But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us WISDOM from God” 1 Cor 1:30 and the second is from his godly wife as we saw in Proverb 19:14. For the man to succeed spiritually, he needs the WISDOM OF CHRIST, and for him to succeed physically, he needs the WISDOM OF HIS WIFE. This is why the Bible calls her a “Help meet”. She is designed to help the man succeed in life as he governs the affairs of God on earth.

“Through wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established; By knowledge the rooms are filled With all precious and pleasant riches”. Prov 24:3-4

It will take the wisdom of the woman for the house to be built, but it requires the understanding of the man so that it is establish. And through the knowledge he derived from understanding the wisdom of the woman, the rooms of their matrimony will be filled with precious and pleasant riches. Wow, if you marry a wife from the Lord, you marry SUCCESS! And daughters, if you marry a godly man who has understanding, your marriage will be established.

My spiritual daughters, you are an embodiment of WISDOM and wisdom can ONLY “… rests in the heart of him who has understanding,” Prov 14:33. So, don’t make a mistake of marrying a man that doesn’t have understanding. The Bible described a man that is devoid of understanding as he who “commits adultery with his neighbour’s wife” and a young man who took the path to the house of a harlot in the evening, to have sex with her. Prov 6:32; Prov 7:7-9. If you meet such men, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

Women who have activated their covenant of motherhood will build their house with WISDOM but the FOOLISH pulls it down with their hands. Prov 14:1

The covenant of motherhood is a twofold covenant, the first is physical motherhood and the other is spiritual motherhood. With the first, the woman births the seed of life naturally and with the second, she must learn to take the spiritual realm and birth the vision of her husband, and her spiritual husband (Christ) by prayer in the spiritual realm. She must take hold of the seed of her husband and incubate it along side of him in prayer. She must pray him through. When the woman takes this position in the realm of the spirit, she activates greater Spiritual Favour for her man. By her prayer, she also aligns the earth to receive him and the earth’s cycles to cooperate with the seed her husband sows. A woman who does not make the transition from Womanhood to Motherhood both spiritually and physically is like a fig tree with bright leaves without the fruits; it will attract the wrath of the master. Why? Because the failure of the woman to enter her motherhood speaks of danger to the purpose of God for her man and the nation. She holds the ace as the mother of the living and the spring of life. There is no future on earth and in the nations without her and her covenant of motherhood! 

THE QUEEN AND THE GOLDEN SCEPTER:

How to win your husband's heart.
Esther 4:11 All the servants of the King and the people in the king's provinces know, that if any man or woman comes to the king in the inner court, who has not been summoned, there is a specific law to put him to death. The only exception is when the king holds out his golden scepter to let the person live. But I have not been invited to come to the king for the past thirty days.

Esther 5:1 On the third day of her fast, Esther put on her royal clothes, and appeared in the inner court of the king's house, right in the entrance hall to the kings house: and the king was sitting on his royal throne in the royal house, facing the entrance of the house. 2. And when the king saw Queen Esther standing in the court, he was pleased to see her: so the king held out to Esther the golden scepter in his hand. And Esther came closer and touched the top of the scepter.

Life gets so hectic at times that you do not find time to spend with your spouse as you should. When this happens, be grateful that you did not live during the time of Queen Esther. When her husband got too busy to pay attention to her, she had to take her life into her hands to get his attention. It is likely that he had made time to be with other women. No man can be so busy that he does not desire sex for over 30 days. On the other hand, perhaps he was just so busy with the affairs of running the country, that he had no time to think about his lovely Queen. 

You might think to yourself, “If I were married to the most beautiful woman in the country, I would want to be with her every night.” But alas, each one of us has the experience of burn out where sometimes you forget that you are married to the most wonderful person in the world. 

You just get too busy with other things to pay attention to your marriage and the person who shares your life with you. And often when this happens, things start to go wrong that you are not even aware of. 

What can a woman do when her husband is too busy to notice her any more; when his work seems more important to him than her? She can do what Queen Esther did in the incident described above.

Notice firstly that the Queen did not just rush in. She prepared her heart with fasting and prayer. So before you barge in with a wrong attitude, begin firstly to prepare your heart and attitude. 

Secondly she approached the king in humility, not arrogance.
Thirdly she put on her Royal Garb before approaching him. She did not just appear as a sexy woman, to stir his hormones. He had plenty of women who could do that. But she approached him in a way that reminded him who she was. She was The Queen, not just any other woman. 

And finally, she came with boldness into his presence, expecting him to respond positively. To use a common expression, she “got right in his face.” This is sometimes a dangerous step, because it could lead to another quarrel or marital fight. But perhaps it could make your partner wake up to realize that they have been drifting away and neglecting the marriage. 

If you approach this right, you might be surprised to find that your spouse was not really aware of what has been happening. They might quickly break out of this and realize that they have neglected you. And when this happens, you might just get the golden scepter, and an offer of half of the kingdom. So don’t sit wallowing and complaining about the state of your marriage. 

THE EFFICACY OF CLEAVING IN MARRIAGE:

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 KJV). Other translations render “leave and cleave” as “leave and be united” (NIV), “leave and be joined” (NASB), and “leave and hold fast” (ESV). So, what precisely does it mean to leave your father and mother and cleave to your spouse?

As recorded in Genesis chapter 2, God created Adam first, and then Eve. God Himself brought Eve to Adam. God Himself ordained that they would be joined together in holy matrimony. He said that the two of them would become one flesh. This is a picture of marital intimacy—the act of love that is never to involve anyone else. To “cleave” means “to adhere to, stick to, or join with.” It is a unique joining of two people into one entity. It means we do not quit when things are not going right. It includes talking things out, praying things through, being patient as you trust God to work in both of your hearts, being willing to admit when you are wrong and asking forgiveness, and seeking God's counsel regularly in His Word.

If either spouse fails to both leave and cleave, problems will result in a marriage. If spouses refuse to truly leave their parents, conflict and stress result. Leaving your parents does not mean ignoring them or not spending any time with them. Leaving your parents means recognizing that your marriage created a new family and that this new family must be a higher priority than your previous family. If spouses neglect to cleave to each other, the result is a lack of intimacy and unity. Cleaving to your spouse does not mean being with your spouse every moment or not having meaningful friendships outside of your marriage. Cleaving to your spouse means recognizing that you are joined, essentially “glued,” to your spouse. Cleaving is key in building a marriage that will endure hard times and be the beautiful relationship that God intends it to be.

The “leave and cleave” in the marriage bond is also a picture of the union God wants us to have with Him. “Ye shall walk after the LORD your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him” (Deuteronomy 13:4 KJV). It means we leave all other gods, whatever form they may take, and join to Him alone as our God. We cleave to Him as we read His Word and submit to His authority over us.

Then, as we follow Him closely, we find that His instruction to leave father and mother in order to cleave to our spouse is to discover commitment and security, just as He intended. God takes His design for marriage seriously. Leaving and cleaving is God’s plan for those who marry. When we follow God’s plan, we are never disappointed. 

WHAT NEXT WHEN THE SWEET WINE OF THE ROMANCE IS OVER?:

“On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Now both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding….This beginning of signs Jesus did in Cana of Galilee, and manifested His glory; and His disciples believed in Him”. John 2:1-2, 11(NKJV).

What an amazing facts! The first miracle and manifestation of the glory and ministry of Jesus Christ was at a marriage occasion. The miracle at the wedding in Cana revealed a condition that is common to all men and women in marriage. It’s not the story we are after but the enigma behind the collapse of marriages that is being highlighted in the marriage at Cana of Galilee.

In the original setting of the story, there was a marriage at Cana of Galilee and the mother of Jesus was in attendance. Jesus and His disciples were also invited to the wedding. While the celebration was going on, Mary knew that something was out of place. She knew the problem behind all the gimmicks, delay tactics and cover-up that was employed by the rulers of the feast and the bridegroom. Mary has no money or power to help, but she has Jesus the source of all joy. So, she reported to the master in the most simple and profound way: ‘They have no more wine!’ The marriage is going unpleasant and hostile; faces of the couples are tightened and lovely smiles are getting scarce; the man frowns at almost everything the wife does now; the wife is no more ‘good looking’ as before, all because they have no more wine; their wine has finished.

Bitter complaints and critism about the dinner becomes prominent; the man now has several long hour chat with the secretary in the office and always come late at night. They now have separate account, sleep on a separate bed, pray separately and each tries to keep some secrets; communication has become scarce and possibly in short waves all because they have no more wine.

“When the master of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom. And he said to him, "Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine, and when the guests have well drunk, then the inferior. You have kept the good wine until now!" John 2:9-10 (NKJV)

Unknown to the ruler of the feast that the wine was not from the store of the bridegroom, he summoned the groom with a most revealing confession of his heart; “Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine, and when the guests have well drunk, then the worse..”

Most of the marriages that are now in shamble did not begin that way. The SWEET HUSBAND has now become the SWEAT HOUSE-BAND. He might be very caring at the beginning but now a terror in the home. She might be that gentle and romantic lady but now a nagging type. Then regret chip in “had I known I wouldn’t have accepted to marry him/her”. Why was she so unpredictable? Why didn’t I know him? Listen to the voice of the ruler of the feast…. “Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine…”

Learn a lesson from this story and allow Jesus to perform His miracle in your quest for true marriage partner. Don’t be carried away by the wine of that man/woman. Only Jesus can give you real and lasting wine (husband/wife). When they ran out of wine at the Cana wedding feast, Mary the mother of Jesus said to Him, "They have no wine." Jesus said to her, "Woman, what does your concern have to do with me? My hour has not yet come." His mother said to the servants, "Whatever He says to you, do it." John 2:3-5. Wait for God’s timing, do not rush. Listen to Christ before tying the rope. Whatever He says to you, do it and your marriage wine will never runs out. I trust that as you read further this book will help you to explore personally and more about the manufacturer’s manual on marriage.

Every man….. This is the fact. Every man tries to set his best wine at the beginning of the relationship. The good wine is set for the beginning and the worse wine kept for the other days. When men are well drunk, and then come the worse. This is the nature of humans. Most start their marriages at the level of intoxication. They overwhelmed their partner with gifts and care. They get them drunk with much attention, hospitality and much generosity until they ‘fall in love’ with them. As she gets drunk, she gives less consideration to issue of the future. Then comes the flamboyant wedding; some might even borrowed money to showcase their wedding. All of this last until they are well drunk, then that which is worse. When their good wine is finished, then they set forth that which is worse.

BALANCING THE "LEAVE AND CLEAVE" OF MARRIAGE:

I have been receiving texts from couples who are having problems with their parents concerning their marriages. They often asked me, "my parents are trying to control my marriage, should I obey them?" Both Christian parents and their married children can have difficulty with the balance between the concept of “leave and cleave” and honoring parents. Some pertinent Bible passages: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined (cleave) to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right" (Ephesians 6:1). "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you" (Exodus 20:12).

There are three aspects to the statement of Genesis 2:24:

1. Leave - This indicates that in a family there are two types of relationships. The parent-child relationship is the temporary one and there will be a “leaving.” The husband-wife relationship is the permanent one—“what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6). Problems occur in family life when these two roles are reversed and the parent-child relationship is treated as the primary relationship. When an adult child has married and this parent-child relationship remains primary, the newly formed union is threatened.

2. Cleave - the Hebrew word translated “cleave” refers to (1) the pursuing hard after someone else and (2) being glued or stuck to something/someone. So a man is to pursue hard after his wife after the marriage has occurred (the courtship should not end with the wedding vows) and is to be “stuck to her like glue.” This cleaving indicates such closeness that there should be no closer relationship than that between the two spouses, not with any former friend or with any parent.

3. And they shall become one flesh - Marriage takes two individuals and creates a new single entity. There is to be such sharing and oneness in every aspect (physical, emotional, intellectual, financial, social) that the resulting unity can be best described as “one flesh.” Again, when there is greater sharing and emotional support gained from a continuing parent-child relationship than from the husband-wife relationship, the oneness within the marriage is being threatened, resulting in an unbiblical imbalance.

With these three aspects of Genesis 2:24 in mind, there are also the scriptural admonitions to honor one’s parents. This includes treating them with a respectful attitude (Proverbs 30:11,17), obeying them when their commands are in keeping with God’s laws (“in the Lord” Ephesians 6:1), and taking care of them as they get older (Mark 7:10-12; 1 Timothy 5:4-8).

The line between these two commands is drawn where one is being asked to comply with one principle in such a way that it will violate the other principle or command. When the meddling of a parent violates the “leaving” because it is treating the parent-child relationship as primary (demanding obedience, dependence, or emotional oneness over the desires of, dependence upon, or oneness with the spouse), it should be respectfully rejected and the spouse’s desires honored. However, when there are genuine needs of an aging parent (either physical or emotional, assuming the emotional “need” does not supersede the “leaving” principle), that need is to be met, even if one’s spouse does not “like” the parent-in-law. Biblical love toward the aging parent is given based on choosing to do the loving thing, even when one does not feel like doing it.

DEALING WITH MEDDLING IN-LAWS IN MARRIAGE:

A meddling mother-in-law who is demanding, controlling, and intrudes into the lives of her son/daughter and son-in-law/daughter-in-law is what the Bible calls a "busybody" (1 Timothy 5:13). The meaning of the Greek word that is translated "busybody" in 1 Timothy passage means "a self-appointed overseer in other men's matters." Overseeing is what some mothers-in-law are engaged in, or at least accused of. This kind of behavior is annoying, very frustrating, and contrary to God's plan for the family.

Obviously, the dynamics in such a situation are frustrating. A mother-in-law may do these things because no one else in the family has given her boundaries. Therefore, she becomes an overbearing "bully." Perhaps she does not even realize how intrusive and controlling she is. To her it may just be "loving." If that is the case, perhaps a heart-to-heart talk will clear the air. If she does understand what she is doing and does it on purpose even after she has been asked to stop, then there is nothing that you are going to be able to do to alter that.

Regardless of which side of the family the interference comes from, it is an assault upon the sanctity of the marriage and violates the "leave and cleave" of God's order for marriage (Genesis 2:23-24). A man and woman leave their birth families and begin a new family, and they are to love and protect each other. A husband who allows his mother or his mother-in-law to interfere with his marriage is not living up to the commandment given to husbands in Ephesians 5:25-33. Boundaries need to be set and then held regardless of the resistance encountered. The reality is that people treat us the way we allow them to treat us. If we permit them to trample the sanctity of our family, then that is what they will do. No one, not even our extended family, has the right to invade the privacy of our home, and it is the responsibility of the husband to guard that privacy. He should take the lead in gently—but firmly—explaining to his mother-in-law what she is doing that is over the line and assuring her that such behavior cannot be tolerated. He should remind her that God has given him the responsibility for his family and to relinquish any of that responsibility to her is to disobey God. He should also assure her that he and his wife still love her, but that the relationship has changed and he is in charge now. That is God’s design for the family, and that is the way it will be. Then the couple must stand firm in their resolve.

What can we do about reacting to a woman who acts in the way a meddling mother-in-law does? We can make a choice not to allow her to take away our peace of mind. We may not be able to change the way others behave, but how we respond to their behavior is our choice. We can allow the actions of other people to get to us, or we can choose to give it over to God and allow Him to use this to strengthen us spiritually. It is our own response to this type of situation that fuels our frustration. Only we can stop wearing ourselves out emotionally by allowing an interfering mother-in-law's actions to be the arbiter of our own peace. Her behavior is not our responsibility; our response is.

Parents and in-laws should be treated with respect and love, but we must not allow our emotions to entangle us. The best way to disengage an enemy is to make him an ally. This is done through God’s grace. Christians can always give the grace of forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32). It may not stop a mother-in-law from interfering, but it will be a source of strength and peace to stand in (Ephesians 6:11-17). The only place to find true peace of heart is in a personal relationship with God through Christ. Only then can we respond by resting in His peace.