The Silence of Men

Understanding the Meaning of a Man's Silence
While some men are considered to be 'talkers', many men tend to be less talkative than women especially in the context of a love relationship. A man's silence may puzzle a woman to the point where it may 'drive her crazy'.

Due to this mystery, she may seek to interpret the combination of his silence, feelings and actions based on the common reasons that would cause her to remain silent. One such example is a case where she is upset with him for some particular reason and gives him the silent treatment perhaps to passively aggressively punish his wits out.

What a woman may learn is that he thinks differently, and though there are a number issues and situations that would cause anyone to be verbally non-communicative, there are two (2) dynamic reasons that can result in a man being silent.

His Way Of Processing Information
She may process things within through verbal communication, whereas he may process things in silence within his 'psychological cave'. This simply means that to work things out mentally and emotionally, women may prefer to talk it out whereas men may prefer to work it out alone. This is the instant that he may withdraw in silence. These things that he wants to work out and fix can range from planning the supplies he needs to fix the roof to how he can satisfy his woman who isn't happy. Silence doesn't necessarily mean disinterest, indifference, passivity, insensitivity or being upset (sad, angry, depressed etc.).

His Challenge To Share His Feelings Verbally
“Women often don’t understand how very hard it is for men to express their feelings. It’s very important for a woman not to come to any firm conclusions about a man’s motivation for what he is saying until she discovers what he is feeling” Myles Munroe

Men can jump out of planes, wrestle with crocodiles and drive at amazing speeds without a hint of fear, but it is a different matter for a number of them when it comes on to sharing feelings . From the perspective of a man, sharing certain feelings may give him an unwanted sense of vulnerability that he may think gives her the upper hand psychologically.
 

With the knowledge of how men process information and the challenge they have with sharing feelings, women can exercise more patience through understanding. Some basic ways in which a woman can understand what is beneath his silence is to:

• ask him what he is thinking and feeling.
• give him time to share at his own pace.
• avoid giving the ‘silent treatment’ to follow suite with his silence.
• let him know how important his feelings are to you.
• continue to share your feelings to encourage him to do the same.

A man can make it easier for a woman to understand his silence by letting her know a little of what is happening on in his soul. His blank silence can frustrate her need to communicate with him. From her perspective, she feels close to him not only when she hears his logical thoughts, but his feelings as well.

STUBORN HUSBAND....STUBORN WIFE

A husband and wife cannot stop arguing. They make a wager and, in stubbornness, stick to it so literally that they almost lose everything they have.

 

Once upon a time, a husband had the habit of sitting outside his home every day, while his wife cooked their meals, swept the floor, and washed their clothes. The two quarreled constantly.

“Why do you sit there doing nothing?” the wife asked.

“I am thinking deep thoughts,” the husband would reply.

“As deep as a pig’s tail is long!” the wife would retort.

One morning, the calf lowed hungrily in the barn. “Go and tend the calf,” the wife told her husband. “It is man’s work.”

“No,” the husband declared, “it is for men to speak and women to obey.”

“Real men work!” the wife replied sharply.

“I inherited a flock of sheep from my father,” the husband countered, “and a shepherd tends them and gives us wool and cheese. I provide for you, so you must feed the calf!”

“Provide? Only with misery!” the woman shot back. The two argued all that morning and all that afternoon. Then, in the evening, the husband and wife both had the same idea at the same time.

“Whoever speaks first,” they said simultaneously, “will feed the calf from now on!” The two nodded in agreement, and said nothing more. They went to bed in silence.

The next morning, the wife awoke, lit the fire, cooked breakfast, swept the floor, and washed the clothes. Meanwhile, her husband sat on his bench, smoking his pipe. The wife knew that if she stayed home watching her husband do nothing all day, she would say something. So she put on her veil, and went to visit a friend. Her husband saw her leave, and wondered what she was up to.

A short time later, a beggar came by the house and asked the husband for food and money. The husband was about to reply, when he stopped himself. This is my wife’s trick! he thought. “She is trying to make me talk.” So the husband kept silent. The beggar thought the husband was a deaf-mute, and went into the house. No one was inside, but the cupboards were full of bread and cheese. So the beggar ate everything and left. The husband started to yell at the beggar, but he remembered his wager with his wife and kept silent.

A traveling barber passed by and asked the husband if he wanted his beard trimmed. The husband said nothing. This is another of m wife’s tricks! the husband fumed. The barber thought he was dealing with a deaf-mute, but he wanted to be helpful, so he trimmed the husband’s beard. Then the barber motioned for money. The husband did not move. The barber demanded money again, and became angry. “I will shave off your beard and cut your hair so you look like a woman!” the barber threatened. The husband refused to stir, so the barber shaved off the husband’s beard, cut his hair, and left in a huff.

An old woman came up next, peddling cosmetics and secrets of beauty. Her eyesight was poor, and she mistook the husband for a young woman. “Dear lady!” the old woman exclaimed, “you must not sit in public without a veil!” Especially, the old woman added to herself, when you are so ugly! The husband said nothing, so the old woman assumed he was a deaf-mute. “You poor thing,” she murmured, “ugly as sin, and deaf to boot!”

The old woman had an idea, and took out her cosmetics. She put a wig on the husband’s head, rouge on his cheeks, and lipstick on his mouth. “There,” she declared, “you look better!” Then she motioned for payment. The husband refused to move or speak, so the old woman reached into his pocket, took all his money, and left. The husband fumed silently: I will avenge myself on my wife!

A thief then approached. He thought it odd for a young woman to be sitting outside alone. But strange situations were often profitable for him, so he went up to the woman. “Dear lady,” he said, “you should not be out of alone. Have you no husband or brother to look after you?”

The husband almost laughed aloud. My wife will not give up her tricks! he said to himself. The thief assumed the husband was a deaf-mute, went into the house, which was filled full of costly carpets, vases, and clothes, and packed everything in a bag. He left with his loot and waved merrily to the husband.

I will punish my wife for her tricks, the man swore to himself. By then it was midmorning, and the calf in the barn was thirsty. It broke out of its stall, and ran through the village. The wife heard the commotion, and came out from her friend’s house. She caught the calf and returned home. Then she saw the strange woman sitting on her husband’s bench.

“Who are you?” she demanded, “and where is my husband? I am gone only a few hours and he has taken another wife!”

“Aha!” the husband sprang up. “You spoke first, so you must tend the calf from now on!”

The wife was incredulous. “You shaved off your beard and put on rouge just to trick me!” She stormed into house and saw that everything was gone. “What happened?” she demanded of husband. “Who has taken all our things?”

“The man you hired to act like a thief,” the husband chortled. “But I did not fall for your deception!”

“I hired nobody!” the wife declared.

“You cannot fool me,” the man boasted. “You lost the wager, and so you must tend the calf from now on.”

“Foolish man!” the wife exclaimed. “You sat watching a thief steal everything from our house!”

“I knew it was only an act!” the husband gloated.

The wife could barely speak, she was so angry. “You lost your face and your fortune, and all you can think of is our wager!” She glared at her husband, and then said, “You are right, I shall tend the calf from now on. But that is because I am leaving and taking the calf with me. I will not stay with a stubborn fool like you!”

The woman walked to the village square with the calf and asked a group of children if they had seen a man go by carrying a large bag. The children pointed to the desert. In the distance they could see a man hurrying away, carrying a satchel on his back. The woman stared grimly after the thief, fastened her veil securely, picked up the calf’s halter, and struck out into the desert. She caught up with the thief at an oasis. She sat across from the man, sighing and batting her eyelashes at him.

The thief was flattered by the wife’s attention. “Where are you going all by yourself?” he asked her. “Have you no husband or brother to protect you?”

The wife fluttered her eyelashes at the thief and sighed. “If I did,” the wife said sweetly, “would I be walking in the desert with only a calf for company?”

The two started talking and resumed their journey together. The wife kept sighing and glancing at the thief, and he soon asked her to marry him. She agreed, and so they planned to stop at the next village and have the chief marry them. By then evening had fallen, and the wife knew it was too late for a marriage ceremony. When they arrived at the village, the chief said as much, and invited them to stay with him for the night.

After everyone fell asleep, the wife arose and looked in the thief’s bag. Sure enough, there were all her valuables – carpets, clothes, vases, and money! She loaded the bag on her calf and started to leave. Then she had an idea. She tiptoed into the kitchen, cooked some flour and water over a candle, and poured the dough into the thief’s shoes and the shoes of the village chief. Finally she hurried into the desert with her calf.

When dawn came, the thief awoke and found his bride-to-be missing. He looked out a window and saw the woman hurrying away with his sack of loot. He rushed to put on his shoes, but found his feet would not fit in them. The dough in the shoes had hardened like a brick! The thief grabbed the shoes of the village chief, but they, too were ruined. Finally, the thief ran out barefoot. The sun had risen by then, heating the desert sand, and his feet were soon blistered and burned. The thief was forced to halt.

For her part, the woman went back home, thinking about her husband. When she arrived at their house, she saw that her husband was not on his bench as usual. She ran inside and found the floor swept, the water drawn, the fire lit, and dinner cooking. But her husband was nowhere inside! She rushed into the courtyard, and there she found him, hanging laundry to dry.

“Stubborn husband,” the wife exclaimed, “what are you doing?”

“I lost my face, my fortune, and my wife,” the husband replied, “because I was a stubborn fool!”

The wife took the clothes from her husband, and said, “This is woman’s work!” At that moment, the calf lowed, demanding water.

“I shall tend to the calf,” the husband said.

“No,” the wife retorted, “I shall do it.” Then the two of them looked at each other and laughed. They came to an agreement, and from that day on, the husband took care of the calf and worked like any other husband, while the wife tended the house and never complained. In the evenings, when they finished their chores, they both sat down on the bench and watched the world go by.

Questions To Ask Before You Get Married

You may think that you and your fiancé have talked about everything...but have you discussed the issues that will make your marriage work? In this article, I reveal the questions you and your partner should answer before you say "I do."

Question 1: What percentage of our income are we prepared to spend to purchase and maintain our home on a monthly or annual basis?

Question 2: Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Are we different in our needs for cleanliness and organization?

Question 3: How much money do we earn together? Now? In one year? In five years? Ten? Who is responsible for which portion? Now? In one year? Five? Ten?

Question 4: What is our ultimate financial goal regarding annual income, and when do we anticipate achieving it? By what means and through what efforts?

Question 5: What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend?

Question 6: How much time will each of us spend at work, and during what hours? Do we begin work early? Will we prefer to work into the evening?

Question 7: If one of us doesn't want to work, under what circumstances, if any, would that be okay?

Question 8: How ambitious are you? Are we comfortable with the other's level of ambition?

Question 9: Am I comfortable giving and receiving love sexually? In sex, does my partner feel my love for him or her?

Question 10: Are we satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched? A little? A lot? For a night? A week? A month? A year? More?

Question 11: Do we eat meals together? Which ones? Who is responsible for the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Who cleans up afterward?

Question 12: Is each of us happy with the other's approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (e.g., smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)?

Question 13: What place does the other's family play in our family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods? How often?

Question 14: If we have children, what kind of relationship do we hope our parents will have with their grandchildren? How much time will they spend together?

Question 15: Will we have children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to each of us?

Question 16: How will having a child change the way we live now? Will we want to take time off from work, or work a reduced schedule? For how long? Will we need to rethink who is responsible for housekeeping?

Question 17: Are we satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends we currently have? Would we like to be more involved socially? Are we overwhelmed socially and need to cut back on such commitments?

Question 18: What are my partner's needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside our relationship? Is it easy for me to support those needs, or do they bother me in any way?

Question 19: Do we share a religion? Do we belong to a church and share the same belief? If not, would our relationship benefit from such an affiliation?

Question 20: Does one of us have an individual spiritual practice? Is the practice and the time devoted to it acceptable to the other? Does each partner understand and respect the other's choices?

Planing for A Little Reception

With the economy the way it is today, more and more people are looking at ways that they can still hold the marvelous wedding reception of their dreams without breaking the bank at the same time. Well I am here to tell you that it is possible - in fact many people hold their parties for figures under one hundred dollars (not counting rings and clothing for the grooms and bridesmaids, of course); and I'm going to show you how.

The first thing to look at is the food issue. There are people who realized that hot dogs, baked beans and potato salad goes the best. Other people do things like having a build your own taco bar. The catering bill is what makes it most expensive, so try to cook the food yourself, or have family members each bring something along. Many family members will be very happy and even honored to help cook for the reception party.

Your favorite bartender from the local watering hole or friends and relatives could man the bar or take care of the set-up and clean-up for you. Hiring one of them can save you hundreds, or they may be willing to do it in exchange for your wedding gift, because it is your special day. Also, hold your reception close to the ceremony site and save on travel.

Real flowers can get very costly, so look into using silk flowers which cut down the price big time. The will last forever, just like your marriage and cost much less. You can keep the memories from your wedding day for the next fifty years.

Children can even be employed for help with making some of the decorations. They will look at it as an arts and crafts project that will keep them busy while you iron out the other details to the wedding. They can possibly make confetti if you wish by cutting up pieces of colored construction paper.

In order to serve your guests comfortably, ask around and try to find some tables and chairs you can borrow from somebody, instead of renting them from a company. Then you will not have to worry so much about returning equipment by a deadline, equipment getting wrecked or stolen - and you'll save a lot of money, too.

When it is all said and done, planning and executing a great, memorable wedding reception doesn't necessarily have to be as costly as you may have thought. With just a little bit of thought, effort and smart shopping even you can make it happen, too.

How to Make Your Wedding Day Memorable

Every couple wants their wedding day to be perfect. Unfortunately, that's a tall order, and at least a few things may go wrong. If that happens there is always a way to keep things flowing smoothly. The key is to stay calm and collected, and stay with the plan. The day belongs to the bride and groom, and whatever they want should rule the day.

Before planning your wedding it's important to know exactly what you want before you start making those final decisions that many times can't be reversed. Talk about what you want with your finance. You'll more than likely have a budget that you need to stick to so you'll have to decide what's important to you that you won't give up versus what you're willing to part with.

The first thing that you need to do is decide on the date of the wedding. If you're planning on being married in a church or other institution you'll need to make sure that there is an opening on that date, otherwise you'll have to pick an alternate date. It's a good idea to have more than one date for your wedding on your list so that you're not disappointed if the one date is already booked.

Next important planning is to be done on the budget. Plan the budget carefully and remain within your limits of finances and time. Where ever possible think of ways where you can cut costs. For example find out costs for different services with different vendors to be able to choose the best and most inexpensive alternative.

When you start buying the things that you need for your wedding use a list that includes all costs and items that you need and make sure that you stick to it. Contact merchants in your area that offer the services that you need and see if you can negotiate a better price. After all, it never hurts to try.

Hiring a photographer is one of the biggest decisions in any wedding plan. Your wedding photos will capture your memories and be with you all of your lives. Visit several photographers and look at a number of sample photos. You may have some special pictures and you'll want to know before the wedding that this photographer can shoot them.

You need to decide how many people that you're going to invite to your wedding. Be realistic when you're counting heads. If your budget doesn't allow you to have a huge guest list you'll have to start making cutbacks and limiting those family members and friends that will be getting an invite.

Once you know the final head count of guests to your wedding you'll need to find a caterer that is within your budget and that is going to serve that foods that you want to have at your wedding. Be careful not to settle for a caterer based just on the cost.

As you plan your wedding, you'll find that there's more to think about than you imagined. Since it could be easy to forget something, ask for some help. Have your bridesmaid or family member help you plan so that you'll include everything you want. It can also be helpful to have someone else help you with various decisions. One example is what type of music you want at the reception.

No matter what the planning of your wedding brings it's important to have fun and enjoy the planning of one of the most special days in your life

How to Plan A Wedding

Between men and women, it's the women who are more inclined to planning and paying attention even to minute details to ensure smooth completion of a task. If you are a bride, it is very much expected of you to get involved in the wedding planning. Yes, it is grueling at most times but it could also be fun and exciting. Knowing that it was you who made the preparations is a sort of assurance that there is a very little chance of a mess up.

Planning a wedding in its entirety is very complicated with all the details that you have to remember. We could divide the planning into two parts so have a detailed view of the aspects that you have to attend to. The first part is the wedding ceremony planning and the second part is the wedding reception planning. For practical reasons, some couples tend to hold the wedding ceremony and wedding reception in a single venue-less hassle for the people involved and less cost for all the decorations.

Wedding Ceremony Planning

The Venue and Time

Choosing the wedding ceremony venue is one of the first things that you have to determine. Will it be an indoor or outdoor wedding? Will it be in the city or in the province? If it's indoor, will it be in a hotel function room or in the church? If it's outdoor, will it be at the beach or in an abundant garden? Is the venue accessible to your guests? What time will the wedding be, morning, noon or evening? In deciding where the venue is and when the ceremony will take place, consider your guests- the availability of the majority and the accessibility of the place.

Venue Decorations

A wedding is incomplete without decors. No matter where you decide to have the wedding, you should dress the venue appropriately for a wedding. Flower arrangement is without a doubt is first priority. You can go for daisies, roses, calla lilies and tulips. It is also important for the flowers to look fresh and alive throughout the event. Fresh flowers are great but if you have constraint in budget, go for silk flowers instead. Aisle runner is also great as it will add style to your walk down the aisle. If you plan to keep it simple, you should not forget the wedding arch as not only is it significant in your union as a couple, it is also great for the wedding photos later. Having the wedding in a church, there might not be much you can do for the chairs or church pews but you can enhance their look by decorating them with ribbons, tulle and bows.

Wedding Ceremony Accessories

Wedding unity candles, ring pillow, guest book and flower girl basket are examples of wedding accessories. Wedding unity candles are a must among some couples. However, there are couples who do not wish to have the lighting of candles as part of their ceremony. There is a significant meaning behind this tradition and it actually signifies the couples giving light to each other's lives as well as the beginning of a life shared together. This wedding accessory can be personalized according to the theme of the wedding.

Visitors and Invitations

As mentioned before, your guests are one of the most important element in your wedding. You need to decide beforehand the size of your crowd. Will it be a big wedding with a long invitation list or will it be an intimate one consisting of family and close friends? This all depends on your budget, and taking your guests into consideration means that you spare them of the food shortage. Having your guests leaving the ceremony unhappy of the food is also something you want to avoid. Once you've decided on the number of people attending, send out the wedding invitations that that is adorn with your chosen theme.

Wedding Reception Planning

The next phase of the event after the ceremony is of course the reception. This is when your guests and you will get to celebrate and enjoy the event. You must plan it well so that it turns in fantastic event and a welcoming one so your guests can enjoy themselves while chatting and catching up with acquaintances.

Food and Drinks

Great food will keep your guest happy and satisfied. Discuss thoroughly with your caterer on the kind of food suitable for your wedding theme. You might also want to do food testing before you hire the caterer. Drinks served during the event should also be enough to last to the end and make sure you have both alcoholic and non-alcoholic. Just as well, you should also have vegetarian food to cater for your vegetarian guests should you have any.

Music

What kind of music suits a wedding? Well, there is no universal music for wedding but with that said, make a point to keep your entire guest happy with different choices of music. You and your partner might love Jazz but think of your other guests. They might prefer pop or rock. So don't bore your guests during this big event!

Wedding Cake

The wedding cake will be the center of attention. Impress your guest with something out of the ordinary. Go for monogram cake topper rather than the traditional porcelain figurines. You can also have your initials on top of the cake by using acrylic.

These are just some of the wedding details you have to pay attention to. There's more but don't fret. Take your time and just enjoy the planning because everything will be all right

Chosing a Wedding Dress

One of the most exciting aspects of a wedding is the hunt for the perfect wedding dress. Most brides already have a rough idea about the type of dress they would like to wear on that day and this is usually a good starting point.

Even if you have a certain type of dress in mind, you will need to make sure that it suits the type of wedding you want to have. For example, if you are picturing yourself in a princess style dress but want a more causal beach wedding then the two will clash. This is why it is always best to start looking for your wedding dress early. If you find the perfect dress but it doesn’t suit the rest of the wedding then you will have time to alter the wedding style to match your dress.

Budget aside, the most important factor in deciding which dress to choose will be your body shape. As you try on different dresses and come across different styles, take note of the dresses that flatter your body shape the best. Every bride wants to look her best on her wedding day so make sure you choose a wedding dress that enhances your best features and hides what you want to keep hidden.

When shopping for your wedding dress it would be a good idea to take your mum or maid of honour along for the ride. This way, you can get a second opinion on which dress to choose. Just make sure that who ever you take along is straightforward enough to tell you when a dress suits you and when a dress doesn’t. To choose a wedding dress that is perfect for you it is always better to shop with someone whose opinion you can trust.

Finally keep in mind that this is your day. When you find the perfect dress that makes you look exactly how you pictured you should on your wedding day then don’t let it go. After all, if it doesn’t suit the rest of your wedding theme you could always tweak your wedding theme a little to enhance the dress